Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Mommy/Daddy, Did You Ever….? October 4, 2009

Filed under: parenting,Single Sisters On...,Young Generation — Sunny @ 9:00 pm

 

I don’t ask my mama many questions about her life growing up, but there is one question,  being that she was brought up in the 1970s, that I can’t help but inquire about- her drug use.   I’ve heard that the 1970s was the experimental drug years but my mama always proudly declares that she has never tried a thing.   

I even admitted to her that I’d tried marijuana in my lifetime, thinking that would get her to come clean, but she remains adamant.   And since I have no proof, I just have to take her word for it.

This made me think about some of the things my children  (God willing) may  ask me about.  I don’t think there’s anything that I’d keep away from them-  I can’t think of anything I’ve  done to be embarrassed about.  Plus, I believe that children see the truth, even when adults try to hide it from them.   And perhaps, they just may learn something. 

Take a look over your life, would you proudly admit some of the things that you’ve done, if your children ask?  If so, what are they?  If not, what would you hide and why?

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19 Responses to “Mommy/Daddy, Did You Ever….?”

  1. streetz Says:

    My dad told me he never did drugs. I found out later on that he was lying and actually was in rehab. I understand why he put up the front though. He had me aspire to be better than him and to never do things he didnt do. I feel him on that now than ever. I didn’t lose respect for him at all and respected his efforts even more.

  2. Athena Nike Says:

    I don’t think I would hide anything from my kids per se, but there are some things you should not tell kids, as Streetz said, so they don’t loose respect and think you’re taking a “do as I say not as I did” stance, which they hate. Its funny to watch politicians stammer and back step when a skeleton come out the closet, like they were born and raised the perfect candidate. Some of the stupid stuff you did made you make the decision to go in a better direction. If you’re found out, own up to it, share the lesson learned and move on.
    Can’t say I’m proud of things I’ve done or acted in my younger days, somebody has a photo or 2 I would not want to see on FB, but if its not exigent or edifying to share with my child, I won’t. I was born before my parents were married so I know they was doing a little something, but mainly my mom was raised in church 24/7. ” Hippees? Not in Bea Johnsons(granny) house!!!” she has said before. Now Bea herself got pregnant @16, she told us(grand daughters) of a man come thru town in a new fancy car like they had never seen. Asked her and friends if they wanted to ride. When she got home she was pregnant. Wait- rewind granny- Who was he? Where’d yall go? Did your friends come back pregnant too? She took some details with her New Years Day 2003 ( I miss her:( She always admonished us to not to do the same, but if you do, once God forgive for the sinful act, not to allow people to down you or the child. But to the previous post on being damaged, she did marry and have a big family, all but 1 of her daughters had children before marriage – but all managed to still marry at least once, and us grandchildren unfortunately have not been so blessed.

  3. @Streetz: Why do you think he put up a front? Is there anything you wouldn’t own up to for your own children?

    @Athena Nike: That was very interesting to read about granny!!!! My granny cracks me up, when I offer her a “drank” or something ,she’ll be like, “I don’t do that no mo’, I’m saved now.’ Makes me wonder what she was like back then.

  4. streetz Says:

    @Nicki

    I think he denied it to himself at times, and just didnt want to seem like he was “flawed”. He wanted to put up a aura of “I didnt do this, so theres no reason for you to do drugs”. He was also a counselor, and now I see why. He dedicated his life to helping people to not make the same mistakes he did, and I respect that.

  5. @Streetz: “He was also a counselor, and now I see why. He dedicated his life to helping people to not make the same mistakes he did, and I respect that.”

    He turned his situation into something positive.. that’s a great thing.

  6. i’ve heard this question before and it always baffles me. it speaks to the impossible to achieve expectation that we as a society put on parents, politicians . . . people in general. it’s quite hippocritical. we exclaim how people only learn through their experiences and mistakes in life . . . and as soon as someone’s mistakes come out . . . tar and feather. David Letterman is being looked at with the stank eye despite not being married for most of his life and it being found out he was sleeping with the staff . . . prior to being married! I mean, what are single people supposed to do? I think the hinted idea that my mistakes should give me any reason to doubt my ability to make my children proud is a fallacy. i plan to share just about everything with my children. . . . in a timely fashion (based on my child’s development and maturity and age). . . just as my dad and mother did. Besides, I’ve had no indiscretions (for which I’m not willing to pay to make go away) in my life . . .ever (I plan on going into politics one day).

    In addition, if my kids find out something about my past and they look at me funny, i’ll tell them my being your parent started the day you were conceived. . . be it that you’ve made it this far . . .i’d be PROUD to spank that a$$ for you even questioning me. Now walk over there and change the channel on the tv!

  7. @Robert: I wasn’t trying to hint that “hinted idea that my mistakes should give me any reason to doubt my ability to make my children proud ”

    My point of this post is, have you done anything you wouldn’t proudly admit to your children…..so perhaps the title isn’t telling.

    “i’d be PROUD to spank that a$$ for you even questioning me. Now walk over there and change the channel on the tv!”

    LMBO.

  8. @nicki: I feel you. and i wasn’t too certain if that was what you were getting at. the responses and what not just made me think about it that way.

    I don’t think I have anything that astonishing that I wouldn’t tell my children. I just think there would be somethings i’d tell them when they where 5 and some things i’d tell them when i was 25.

    And I don’t know if absolute disclosure to anyone (child, friend, parent, mate) is necessary, assuming that the thing you aren’t disclosing aren’t direct hinderence to the relationship.

    for example . . . my wife don’t need to know the details of that one time, i went home with those one girls after having lots of drinks at that one place and had to burn the one tape that almost got leaked showing me swinging from the ceiling fan wearing that that one thing with the boots and bowtie that was 5 years before i even met her.

    now if that one time produced a shorty i didn’t know about till now . . . different story.

  9. peyso Says:

    My pops is somewhat like Streetz’s pops. The difference was that my pops’ vice wasnt drugs. It was the street life. He never sold drugs but he was a hustler. He robbed, he ran numbers, he sold other things, he fought, he beat ppl up, he got beat up, he had guns, the whole shabang. Now he works with at risk youth, keeping them from that type of life.

    He never kept a secret from me. With him it was more of, “I was actually a thug b/c I had to be. You have no reason to be a thug. And if you choose to try to be one, I will out-thug you”. It worked to a degree except I like guns like he did

  10. peyso Says:

    O and there r tons of sh!t i really dont plan on telling my kids unless they specifically ask.

  11. @Robert: I don’t think I’d go and volunteer information… but what if, say, your child asked… would you say, you don’t need to know, or here’s what I did, or how would you go about, say:

    Daddy, did you have sex before you were marriage? (or something taboo like that, I don’t know what the kids are asking these days). lol

    @Peyso: “You have no reason to be a thug. And if you choose to try to be one, I will out-thug you”. It worked to a degree except I like guns like he did”

    That would be my mode for coming clean… Use the experience as a warning for the child.

  12. two different responses. . .

    for my daughter:

    Under 21, ABSOLUTELY NOT! Matter of fact, me and your mother have never had sex! Over 21, ABSOLUTELY NOT! Matter of fact, me and your mother have never had sex!

    for my son:

    Under 16, NOPE! 16 and up, i did son and it was awwweeesome but in retrospect, I wish I would have waited and not participated in actions that I wasn’t really prepared to handle the results of.

    really though, the truthfulness of my answer would be based on their maturity, age and responsibility level.

  13. “Matter of fact, me and your mother have never had sex”

    @Robert: I am dead at this… u know it’s gonna bring a whole ‘notha line of questions, like daddy how did I get here? LMBO.

    “but in retrospect, I wish I would have waited and not participated in actions that I wasn’t really prepared to handle the results of. ”

    this one sums up my response… yes, I did it but please wait. Men only want the booty and will dump you . (I’ll see if I can scare her out of doing it.) lol

  14. I am a firm believer that appropriate lying is not only a parental right but a necessity in child rearing.

    re: ” u know it’s gonna bring a whole ‘notha line of questions, like daddy how did I get here? ” . . . .

    got that covered too:

    1. Stork
    2. Wal-Mart used to sale babies
    3. You know that story about Jesus and his mom the Virgin Mary . . .well, your Mother and Mary are cousins. . . .distant cousins, but cousins nonetheless. Having babies without having sex runs in their family. Like Granddads diabetes.

  15. “I am a firm believer that appropriate lying is not only a parental right but a necessity in child rearing. ”

    My lies suck. Lol.. I’d have to say: Defer to daddy.

    “3. You know that story about Jesus and his mom the Virgin Mary . . .well, your Mother and Mary are cousins. . . .distant cousins, but cousins nonetheless. Having babies without having sex runs in their family. Like Granddads diabetes.”

    @Robert: This one cracked me up… U are gonna be entertaining as a parent!

  16. “I even admitted to her that I’d tried marijuana in my lifetime, thinking that would get her to come clean, but she remains adamant. ”

    @ Sunny why in God’s name are you tryna get your momma to fess up to weed??? LOL…i think its pretty much a given that most black parents how came of age in the 60s and 70s tried it at least once. My mother plays the saintly role about weed too..i just assume she did and I don’t have proof either. Now my father??? I KNOW he was a weed HEAD ..I don’t have proof but I just KNOW. And birds of feather…you know the rest.

    Now with my kids..(i hope this blog post doesn’t come back and bite me in the a!ss with them…imma say no…because I didn’t smoke..i just puffed and passed ONCE when I was 19. so Im good.

  17. @Comeback: Because my mama comes off so wholesome and SAFE (even though she did have me as a 20 year old. lol)…. I’m thinking ,come on Mama, u had to have done somethin’.

    “Now my father??? I KNOW he was a weed HEAD ..I don’t have proof but I just KNOW. And birds of feather…you know the rest.”

    Exactly…and I know my daddy smoked even as I was old enough to know.

  18. FlawedBeauty Says:

    Hmm…my dad is one thing.

    My mom still has her halo on her head. No drugs, barely drinks and is just plain naive.

    I don’t think I’ve done anything my kids can’t know about…I’ve *ahem* then eaten meatloaf…

    Then I went ******** at _____ with a friend or two…

    And then I f_____ @ the place by the #### while some watched…

    I mean you know…but no matter what no chex til 18+

  19. Jaci: U done blacked out that whole comment. lol. I have no clue what u are saying.


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