Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Everyone Can Have Bad Luck I Guess…. October 7, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — peyso @ 10:16 pm

In the news, it seems that bad things never happen to bad people. It is only the committed father, the grandmother that everyone loves or the honor student who seems to be receiving the brunt of the bad news reported. In movies, those bad things are distributed more uniformly across the good and the bad. Needless to say there are more then enough examples of situations where terrible things happen to people who are not deserving of those terrible things. However, despite having all of the evidence to the contrary, people consistently make comments and take actions that illustrate that they feel they are immune to the same issues that afflict the world.

I have a good friend who is a victim of this mindset. I met her when I was a freshman in college. Though we weren’t in the same college we became close friends. She was pretty close with my squad and we remained close through college and up until last week. She wasn’t one to make bad or irrational decisions. She was so calculated to the point that it was almost annoying. However, this summer she made a bad decision. That bad decision had some very unfortunate repercussions. When discussing these repercussions she stated multiple times “I never though that this could happen to me.”

Under the guise of “Doing Me”, she decided that it would be a good idea to sleep with the three men that she was currently feeling over the course of three nights. She used protection because she is at least slightly concerned about her health. Normally, I would file this under “a temporary lapse in judgment that unfortunately led to #hoshit”, however, the consequences of these actions bear heavy consequences. You guessed it. She’s pregnant. Yes this Ivy League degree toting, historic black sorority stepping, $65K first year out of school making chick is pregnant. And the worst part is no one knows who the daddy is? And all she can say is that she never thought it would happen to her? Why is that people either don’t consider consequence or think so highly of themselves that they are above the inflictions of the world? Why is it?

Do you know of any BS like this? Similar stories? Do you hold this view on life?

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47 Responses to “Everyone Can Have Bad Luck I Guess….”

  1. Geez, that really sucks. I just don’t know what to say… it’s disappointing to read about people who do not know who the parent of their child is, no matter what their situation was.

    Some B.S. happened to an associate of mine.. I used to consider her a friend but her lapse in judgement disappointed me so much, that I had to separate myself.

    She ended up cheating on her boyfriend and they broke up.. she had sex with the new guy and her boyfriend came back for seconds.. she ended up getting pregnant. “claimed” to have an abortion. “got pregnant” a month later by the boyfriend she cheated on that she wanted back….. had the baby, the baby “came one month early.”

    Something tells me she never got rid of that baby.. she’s just tried to fool everyone into believing it is the boyfriend’s that she’s not won back because they now have a child together.

    Just MESSY.

    People need to start fully thinking of the repercussions… and stop blaiming it on the alcohol.

  2. Mikki Says:

    lol nic at blame it on the alcohol. Im
    Speechless at this

  3. LOL. Mik they do, I keep hearing an excuse, “well I was drunk.” I don’t buy it.

  4. Eightys Baby Says:

    Why is that people either don’t consider consequence or think so highly of themselves that they are above the inflictions of the world? Why is it?

    @Peyso… I have no idea…. But I hate when people act like that….. Same thing with ya boy (harvard professor) and the cop…. It pissed me off because of the way he was acting…. As if he was so surprised that he could actually be racially profiled…. And then his message if it could happen to him then it could happen to anybody… Why the heck was he thinking that it couldn’t happen to him in the first place.

    But as far as your friend… I know she somewhere looking real silly right now….. Tell her to call Maury once she have that baby to get them results… Or let me guess she’s probably clowned all those people like how can you not know who your bd is….. It’s not funny but it is….. Looks to me like some karma done caught up with her to remind her that you can’t be out here judging folks because sometime stuff ACTUALLY DOES happen.

  5. Mikki Says:

    we have a flu advisory at work, they are sending folks home for suspect sickly activity hmmmmmm……

  6. U make me sick Mik.. I’m so jealous. lol

  7. Peyso Says:

    @ Mikki – You need to be coughin and sneezin RIGHT NOW.
    @ 80’s – The worst part is that she doesnt seem to understand why the dudes are reluctant to take the test now and are a little detached now. (Some are outright disrespectful and that shouldnt be tolerated) Ya baby momma is prone to #hoshit? That dont fly.

    She says that when you have sex w/ someone you have to be ready to deal with the consequences. When I have sex, I’m prepared to be the daddy or not be the daddy not this, “you have a 33% chance of being the father” non sense

  8. Mikki Says:

    lol peyso I know right!!

    my problem with the “do me” attitude is that you forget to think about who you are even dealing with, even if i DID become hoish over night I would at the very least pick decent dudes (in my mind) to be hoish with so that when I came to them with the 33% they wouldn’t completely clown me, at least not to my face lol. I would wanna only sleep with someone who I thought would be respectable even when I obviously wasn’t through the process.

    I understand the detachment from her which totally sucks FOR HER but as a man if i was one I would take the test and be ready for whatever, just know im not dealing with your crazy behind!!!

    its sad because I can’t imagine having to go through a pregnancy without any man by my side. I always think about being pregnant and having an imagine of my hubby going to the story late at night to get me ice cream or rubbing my feet, or helping my fat butt out the tub so I don’t fall. SHE won’t have that because of what she did. PEOPLE NEED TO THINK SMARTER!!!!!

  9. “I’m prepared to be the daddy or not be the daddy not this, “you have a 33% chance of being the father” non sense”

    yeah, she’s being a bit selfish because those men have a point.

  10. Peyso Says:

    A little more background on the the story is that I’ve been the dude calling to make sure she went to the doctor and offering to be a God parent and I even have a copy of the sonogram on my phone. There was a rapist in her hood for a while and I was walking her home. All of this much to the dislike of my own SO. And then when I call you on your BS and try to tell you why ppl are acting a certain way, you blow up on me? GTFOHWTBS

  11. Mikki Says:

    “A little more background on the the story is that I’ve been the dude calling to make sure she went to the doctor and offering to be a God parent”

    wow if i was your s.o i would @#%@^!^^#$~

    lol

  12. I would prolly be pissed if I was your S.O. too.. Awww hell naw, J cannot. lol

    But seriously, she prolly blew up because she knows what you are saying is right- you hit a nerve

  13. Mikki Says:

    Peyso, your smashing your s.o’s dreams when you help this girl (IMHO) if that was me I would think you was taking the whole PREGNANCY experience away from me (Assuming i want to have your child)

    now if its YOUR baby ok cool i get it, but what do you owe this chick other than feeling bad for her behavior??

  14. Plus, it’s not YOUR BABY.. I understand picking the baby up, buying him/her some clothes, but she made this bed and she needs to deal with it.

  15. Mikki Says:

    Nic I co-sign 100% men don’t realize they actually perpetuate situations like this to continue because there will always be “some nice guy” to pick up the slack where the actual FATHERS should be taking care of.

    If she isn’t ballzy enough to get the one whose child it is to step up the OH FRIGGIN WELL, call ya momma, auntie, sister, nay nay, poochie, uncle ron and nem to help you not some guy with an S.O!!!

    im mad lol.

  16. Peyso Says:

    @ Mikki – In general I agree but its a bit more complicated. 2 dudes dont live in the city. I think generally they are all good dudes too. As a good man, you’re prepared to take care of YOUR child. You may not be prepared to take care of a child who MAY or MAY NOT be your child.

  17. Eightys Baby Says:

    A little more background on the the story is that I’ve been the dude calling to make sure she went to the doctor and offering to be a God parent and I even have a copy of the sonogram on my phone. There was a rapist in her hood for a while and I was walking her home. All of this much to the dislike of my own SO. And then when I call you on your BS and try to tell you why ppl are acting a certain way, you blow up on me? GTFOHWTBS

    @Peyso….. Awww that is sooo nice of you…. I can see why your SO would have a problem with it… But still that’s what friends are for and you are being a damn good one right now …. Hmmmmm… There’s no telling what’s going through your friend’s head right now and she probably just taking all her frustration out of you…. In the end I hope she’s appreciative because you are stepping up in a BIIIIIGGGGGG way even though she’s in this predicament as a result of her hoish activities

  18. Mikki Says:

    Peyso, I feel you

    my question is how in theeeee world? hoes in diff area codes? tell her to turn luda OFFF!!!! LOL

    how soon can they find out?? i thought they have early test for that type stuff?????

    if she gotta wait til the baby is born then WOW!!!!

  19. “my question is how in theeeee world? hoes in diff area codes? tell her to turn luda OFFF!!!! LOL”

    Mik is a hot mess. lol

    So, in the meantime, is neither guy prepared to help until they know for sure?

  20. Mikki Says:

    “So, in the meantime, is neither guy prepared to help until they know for sure?”

    I wouldn’t lol but I coulda sworn they had early test!!

    google it for me lol

  21. It’s really expensive.. maybe that’s why they aren’t doing it.

  22. Mikki Says:

    Nic thats roughly about 2100 if you use all three chances AND i bet you don’t need all there if u flip a coin first lol.

    I am sorry but I don’t make 65k a year which is what peyso stated she made BUT even with the fact that i DON’T I would be spending the money.

    But only if it meant I could have the dad actively participating in this process which i would find out BEFORE i spent the money.

    but yes my broke behind would be scrapping up the cash cuz having the FATHER with you through that is priceless. Oh yes and this would come out of MY pocket since i was the stupid one. Once we figure out who daddy is then im going to ask him to start helpin a sista out. and if he is a stand up guy like peyso claims he is, there would be no issue IMHO.

  23. @Mik; that’s true… she is making quite a bit more than us, so she she go for it…. The man needs to be there.

  24. Mikki Says:

    right nic now if she is half way through being pregnant then yea i would wait and just finish it out by myself and do the test after the baby but if she is newly pregnant then im getting the test if im in her shoes.

    the bright side is she does make a lotta money lol. This whole topic is making me think about getting my insurances (short term disability or whatever ) together. I for sure don’t want to be having to run back to work after a few weeks of giving birth, i want to have plenty time to recover and relax.

    but im not getting preggers no time soon im just sayin lol

  25. Eightys Baby Says:

    but yes my broke behind would be scrapping up the cash cuz having the FATHER with you through that is priceless.

    @Mik….But you have to remember that it’s not GUARANTEED that they’re really going to be there during that process…… And the image that you have created for when you are pregnant I’m assuming is with your husband… How much can she really expect for him to do other than trips to the doctor’s appts and stuff??????

    I’m going to ask him to start helpin a sista out.

    And this right here nah I ain’t gonna be able to do that… I have a family member now who is going through it with her child’s dad… This negro gonna tell her do you want time or money you can’t have both…… In my family member’s case I was just telling her all that hassling she doing is not even WORTH it….. I told her don’t say nothing bad to her son about his daddy…… Let him come up with his own conclusion..But at the end of the day he’ll see his daddy’s true colors and see the situation for what it is…. But it’s sad that 50+ year old men still ain’t doing right when it comes to the responsibility of their kids.

  26. Eightys Baby Says:

    I for sure don’t want to be having to run back to work after a few weeks of giving birth, i want to have plenty time to recover and relax.

    @Mik…In this case you need to start letting your LEAVE accumulate….We know how you do so you may want to start this NOW…. Anytime you want to call off be like nope I’mma have me a baby one day so I can’t be using all my leave… LMAO

    And this reminds me…. You still got a decent amount left from when you were doing that overtime?

  27. “Mik…In this case you need to start letting your LEAVE accumulate….We know how you do so you may want to start this NOW…. Anytime you want to call off be like nope I’mma have me a baby one day so I can’t be using all my leave… LMAO”

    LMAO!!!!! My insurance sucks.. if I get pregnant, I better be married on my husband’s insurance.. at this job I have now, I cant’ even get preggars. It is NOT COVERED.

    I wonder if it’s the fact that seh is not sure who the father is- is what’s keeping those guys from doing much.

  28. Peyso Says:

    @ Nicki – “I wonder if it’s the fact that seh is not sure who the father is- is what’s keeping those guys from doing much.”

    I think that this is the main issue and screaming and belittling them, telling them to “man up” isnt going to get them to take a test or help you out.

  29. “I think that this is the main issue and screaming and belittling them, telling them to “man up” isnt going to get them to take a test or help you out.”

    @Pey: U are right about that… they’re prolly like “man up??? U don’t even know which one of us it is”

  30. Eightys Baby Says:

    I wonder if it’s the fact that seh is not sure who the father is- is what’s keeping those guys from doing much.

    @Nicki…I would think so….. Could you imagine this scenario:

    Pregnant girl: Soooooo you remember that time we had sex….

    Him: Yeah… Why what’s up..

    Pregnant girl: Well we did use and protection and all… But I’m pregnant

    Him: Are you saying that this baby is mine?

    Pregnant girl: It’s a possibility

    Him: How many other possibilities are there?

    Pregnant girl: 2

    Him: [Awkward silence] I don’t know what to say…….

  31. Mikki Says:

    ahaha 80’s and nic yall are killing me so so so softly!!!!!!!!

    ok 80s to clarify that whole “helping thing” I am actually referring to stuff like doctors visits and making sure i take my pills n what nots for the baby sake. I wouldn’t even think a negro would be getting me ice cream lol..

    I was just referring to peyso’s girl how he out here doing stuff for a women who isn’t even having his child which to me is WACKTASTICAL but he is a friend so bless his heart.

    Peyso said the guys involved are technically upstanding so for me to assume that if she did find out who the father is he would AT LEAST be able to help me with visits and lamas and pills n stuff, all the emotional time I wouldn’t ask him for at all and when i say money im referring to the cost of the care for baby not myself ie preparing for baby to come.

    AS FOR ME,umm I can’t save up enough time to save my life, no i don’t have a sizable amount in my annual account prolly for 3 days lol. They do have term insurance you can buy that is totally outside of your EMPLOYMENT which is what I plan to buy eventually. I just don’t know the exact details of the insurance. I can ask my co-worker tho. I think its just regular disability now that i think of it but it doesn’t necessarily have to come from your employer. I have health insurance now but it NOT disability so as of today i would not get paid to be off work beyond the day I leave to have the baby. they cover the cost of the babies birth but not being off work. thats what the disability insurance is for which i have yet to apply for.

  32. Eightys Baby Says:

    I think that this is the main issue and screaming and belittling them, telling them to “man up” isnt going to get them to take a test or help you out

    @Peyso…. Especially when 2 of them have no reason to be manning up to accepting a baby that is NOT theirs.

  33. @80s: Conversation exactly like that… if she can’t take herself seriously, then how the hell or they supposed to.

  34. Eightys Baby Says:

    @Mik… My bad I thought you meant financially… The whole possibility situations just sucks all the way around…. Just say no to sleeping around. LMAO

  35. Mikki Says:

    lol @ you are crazay!!!! im over here cracking up.

    thats why i say get the test but charge the cost to the game that way once she finds out who it is she won’t be looking so stupid!!!!!

    how she tellin folks to man up?? im dyin from laughter.

  36. “Do you know of any BS like this? Similar stories? Do you hold this view on life?””

    While it is a little unconventional and UNSAFE for a woman to sleep with three men at the same time. I guess the more I read this the more I feel like..ok she’s pregnant..sometimes children change everything, even your perspective. Assuming she’s not 12 and say closer to 25..what is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO dire about having a child. 65k in NYC may be just scapping by but there’s always atlanta in the burgs pushing a stroller. KNOWING that you’ll never do that again..and you’ve got this little person now who obviously came to you for a reason.

    I guess the longer i think about…the more she can make some lemonade out of her lemons.

  37. Eightys Baby Says:

    the more she can make some lemonade out of her lemons.

    @Comeback… She definitely can…. However, I think right now she is toooooo focused on her circumstances ( 3 possibilities) so she taking her frustrations out on them and Peyso (poor thang).. She just need to accept the situation that she’s in. As far as knowing that people gonna talk and blah, blah, and KEEP IT MOVING.

  38. “She definitely can…. However, I think right now she is toooooo focused on her circumstances ( 3 possibilities) so she taking her frustrations out on them and Peyso (poor thang).. She just need to accept the situation that she’s in. As far as knowing that people gonna talk and blah, blah, and KEEP IT MOVING.”

    I agree.. it’s not the fact that’ she’s preggars that sucks.. it’s that she has daddy POSSIBLITIES and is made at everyone but herself.

  39. Mikki Says:

    I co-sign with 80’s and nic

  40. Peyso Says:

    @ CBG – It wasnt so much about her being pregnant, its about her making silly decisions b/c “she thought it wouldnt happen to her” It’s about a really smart talented person who should have been able to way the pros and cons of her actions deciding to not do so. Its one thing to go through the process of weighing pros vs cons and make a bad conclusion but another thing not to weigh that all.

  41. Mikki Says:

    Peyso someone who shall remain nameless has been getting on my case about holding people to a higher standard. I always think my friends “wouldn’t be that stupid” but the other person always sees them as non exempt from stupidity. Its not that I idolize my friends I just would hope i had friends that wouldn’t do dumb ish turns out I have plenty lol, but that still doesn’t stop me from HOPING AND wishing they aren’t that dumb.

    there stupidity doesn’t affect me either way lol. Her attitude about it is rather strange but again she could just be so emotional that she will just say anything including ” i didn’t think it could happen to me” well missy if u didn’t sleep around IT WOULDN’T but since you open yourself up you HAVE TO KNOW IT CAN.

  42. Mikki Says:

    and we all pay stupid tax at some point in time no matter how many degrees or money we got, cuz shat happens. I would never think my bestie with a masters degree own car own house would sleep with a married man with 2 kids. BUT SHE DID lol

  43. Athena Nike Says:

    Whats the big deal, men do it all the time got 4-5 women on a string cause they hit 100k and leased a condo and a lex, one gets preggers. Big deal. Chalk it up as an 18 year lesson on birth control, self control, and God’s control. Prudent planning is always in order, but none of us can think we are too good to get taught a lesson, even the Bible say that. I am going thru one now myself, you are never too good to be unemployed.

    I’ve got that nasty friend – thinking how’d I get hooked up with this person??? She dated a guy thru college, cheating on him regularly. He proposed after graduation, she still cheating but yanno I’m tryna pick out my bridemaid hairstyle.
    They finally break up over career/family. She takes a job out of state and gets pregnant by some unemployed negro she meets at the club and takes into her home. She had opportunity to pin it on a bro with some $$$ cause she visited on my b-day and when she didn’t order a drink I was suspicious. She spent theevening with her ex-fiance whose grandmother was dying, but spent the night with one of her cheats. When he called her a couple weeks later talking about visiting she was like ‘I’m preg’ he asked if it was his, and she said no. I wanted to tell her ex and him, yall dodged a bullet but they are all grown.

  44. Peyso Says:

    @ Athena – I dont think this particular situation applies to men but the mindset is present in everyone

  45. enyfilms Says:

    Damn I am pissed I got to this two days late but…HELL YEA I know of plenty of smart, educated-college that is- black women who for some dumb reason are getting prego under extreme ho $hit conditions. I have spoke on these women since I been on these blogs going back to last yr.

    1) I was seeing this local chick-cute, thick, smart and a lil to the left which I like being an artist myself. But she at (the time) 27 still was attracted to lame street ni99as. I suspected something off in that despite my offering she was never too moved to include me in her life-we live five blockss from each other. Cool, perhaps I wasnt her type but then BOOM word was she is prego. Now I know of the guy she was dealing with prior to me and yes it gave me pause. Dude a street ni99a fa sho-married too comes from a family full of thugs, so of course she had to have his baby- a girl.

    She was one of two women on my FB page having a baby-one is married, the married woman updated her pregnancy right through birth but homegirl here selectively deleted ppl like me from her page. I found it and she only has like a third of the friends she had when she originally had the page big belly and all. Perhaps the embarrassment in how she got pregnant is slappin her right upside her head.

    2. One chick I met a cute teacher with a son got prego the very first yr out of college with some dolt. ON THE FIRST TIME THEY HAD SEX…no condom boom T N A leads to DNA..dumb ish 101 I tell yea

    3) Was with Dude for 3 joints-though he had a whip she never learned to drive, nor got any credentials for her respective field she got by freelancing-she was one of “I did it without college” types. Well the baby father not only had a degree he had several children so she knew he smashes raw and was an iffy baby father to begin with…but oh the ego of the upitty boguie chick-of course she HAD to have his baby-she did he slid and her life has been cut down to 10% of what it used to be. Truly on her own its trouble for her to do ANYTHING and this economy aint helping.

    4)…no I aint done yet the last one my “ex” so to speak…she the overrated good church girl who I guess like all of these types of women thought something was special about she wasnt “doin it a lot ” back in high school and her early 20’s. To that I say “who cares” in life it only takes one wrong time and all that “wasnt doin it” becomes pointless. She at twenty two got involved with a father of for, 14 yrs her senior. All because IMO his crib was closer to her college so the commute was cut in half. Almost from day one she told me things went south especially the sex but despite having her own pad still stays with dude. Well it fits her ho plan. Sense his sex is wack might as well find some guy(s) to replace it. Now 27 she, this yr has slept with-unprotected several men one idiot from her job and that louse might be her baby father of course she hasnt been tested and she told this to me a week before Labor Day.

    Worst her job has her around chemical harmful to a pregnant women. Dumb $hit 101. As late as last week she still hasnt had her period and still doesnt “know” if she’s pregnant. All this goes to prove that women arent THAT much more mature than men. Also that women’s egos are grossly bigger than mens. I wont even have sex with an unemployed women I use to but damn son, dudes grow out of things. If she even hints at being in a relationship I dead the convo and find a single women- but if I did screw a woman in a relationship for God sake not a married woman-I dont play that.

    Condoms ladies-condoms. Under 21 I always thought it was us guys gassing chicks to go raw but after these episodes its clear that women are more involved in this situation than we may have initially thought. I never heard anything from either women other to convince me the that the risk was worth it. The men had no plan or any plan beyond sex was not feasible, two NO HIV/STD test just the ability to make her come and yea you good brother…talk about lowering your standards which brings me to this. If women want casual sex like men then whats with getting pregnant that aint got nothing to do with cas sex now?

    Perhaps women are no better at this (contrary to the garbage we all heard in the 80’s and 90’s) than men. I always assumed that the ladies would pump the brakes in times like this…no if anything these women are doing what I have termed “fillin in the blanks” with what they thought was easy to control men.

    Problem is if a simp gets a strong woman pregnant than advantage simp-biology being what it is matched with the demands of (today) society sorry homegirl you wont be Murphy Brown you are just another baby mother.

  46. Reecie Says:

    how did I miss this one? wowzers. damn, how did she get pregnant?! when you do#hoshit you gotta have your bases covered a little better. sad situation all around….


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