Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Letter to a Jealous Friend… October 9, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — Holly GoLightly @ 9:18 am

jealousy

I loathe labeling one of my friends as being jealous but its come to the point where I don’t know what to call it! I recently hung out with her this past weekend to help celebrate her dirty 30 birthday, we hadn’t seen each other since shortly after my birthday. We’ve talked on the phone and communicated through text a few times but nothing like how we were before my birthday. I mark my birthday as a pivotal moment because we had a huge falling out the day after because of miscommunication (mostly on her part) and her dislike of some of my other friends (who have done nothing but be nice to her). Previous to that situation we had lots of moments where we clashed on something but this time I felt she went too far and for some reason I just couldn’t shake how she did me and some of the insults she shoved my way that day.  So I did some reflection and surveying… I noticed in the nine year span of our friendship she had commentary (mostly bad) for every aspect of my life, from the men I dated to what shoes I wanted to wear. One minute she said she lived her life vicariously through me the next I’m being told I need to dress my age (and there’s nothing wrong with my wardrobe). And although we have been friends for years and have had plenty of good times… I just can not take her negativity and pessimism any longer. So to get some things off my chest I’ve been thinking about writing a letter. Here’s a little preview of what I would like to say.

Dear Sisterfriend,

Why do I constantly feel like you are putting me down? You barely hear anything that sounds remotely like a compliment. When something great and magical happens in my life I share the news and instead of hearing “Girl that’s great!!” I get “Humph…” with an attitude. Did I do something to you along the way in our friendship. Did I ever downplay any of your jovial moments or reduce your self efficacy? I have always tried to be the best friend I could be to you, but I have constantly felt that the same wasn’t given. You always have something to say about my choice of friends, the men I choose to date, and the places I choose to shop. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but before yours is given you should consider that I am not you, so however you would do something I probably won’t do the same. I don’t know what else to do, I know I have talk to you before about how I feel you act towards me but it seems as though it has went into one ear and out the other. I don’t know what brings you to say some of the things you do about me. It’s as if you put me down to make yourself feel better. A friend should not do this to another friend. I don’t want to close you out because you have been there for me through some rough times, but I can no longer handled your attitude and dark outlook on things. Maybe we can talk before it gets to the point of no return…..

Yours truly,

HGL

So has anyone had a jealous friend? How did you handle it? Were you able to repair the friendship?

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18 Responses to “Letter to a Jealous Friend…”

  1. FlawedBeauty Says:

    Ok…I haven’t really had this happen with a friend that meant a whole to me…I have had it happen though…and I handled it by just being like well if you feel that way about me you don’t have to talk to me…

    So she started being nice to me only when she needed something. I quickly nipped that in the bud. After so long she finally realized that she had lost a lot of friendships over the situation. She straighten up on her own.

    Sometimes you have to say you know what I’m backing away to think about this for a moment….and see if that works…

  2. Hell no, there is nothing wrong with your wadrobe… From one stylista to another, I see you. lol.

    Do you think it’s a friendship worth salvaging??? Is there any reason you should stay in it?

    I had a jealous friend and we were friends for over 10 years but I stopped talking to her.. I got sick of it… we just started talking again this year.

  3. Holly GoLightly Says:

    @Jaci- you may be on to something..

    @Nicki- Gracias bonita amiga!!! I def think it can be salvaged but I think she may have inner issuers about herself that may need to be dealt with. I just can’t believe I’m just now seeing all the negativity…

  4. @Hol: De nada, chica.

    She does need to deal with it because TRUST it gets tiring… my friend had self esteem issues, which made her say those jealous type things, but I could not DEAL… because honestly there is nothing that I have that she couldn’t have. Good luck girl.

  5. Holly GoLightly Says:

    That’s exactly how I feel Nick!

  6. Have u said anything to her about it, yet?

  7. Holly GoLightly Says:

    I have once, but trying to find the right moment to approach the issue… again.

  8. @Hol: Got you… how did she react the first time?

  9. @ Holly Berry.. I think you all just need a real heart to heart. Like an honest chat over coffee or something. She sounds like she’s not really happy. People and do and say the darndest things out of hurt.

    I forget who said..”hurt people hurt people”..

    anywhoot..i think Jac is on to something sometimes time heals things. Im big on stepping back and revisiting. And sometimes you do have to part ways.

  10. Holly GoLightly Says:

    You are right CBG! And that’s a good quote…. I def put some space in between after the bday sitch and it seemed like we were a little ok at her party but you can def tell its not where it was.

  11. I do like this picture you have up though, Hol.

  12. Holly GoLightly Says:

    thank u Nicki!

  13. I have never had a jealous friend. But I’m wondering is that even possible? Seriously, can you be freiends with someone who is jealous of you or better yet, why would you want to be friends with someone who is jealous of you? I bet she always had this “small” quirk that you just dismissed. But now that you are in a different stage of your life, what was once able to overlook is glaring with bright green eyes. I’m all for trying to make these work but at some point you gotta ask yourself is it worth it? If you have done all you know how to do to make it work over these nine years and it’s still the same, I say walk. You don’t need to continue carrying her burdens. I say continue because guess what, all these years you have been carrying the relationship instead of it being mutually shared.

  14. Holly GoLightly Says:

    Hi TiffanyNicole… I dont think you can be friends that are jealous of you and i am sure she did do something or said something that I dismissed… but you are right that a friendship should be mutually shared.

  15. LaPreghiera Says:

    I’ve never had the jealous friend, nor thankfully have I been – in my opinion (they ain’t told me). But I’ve had to part ways with folks, or just deal with long distance or in small portions. You know whats best for you, keep your peace and don’t let this other person have you going thru changes for her sake.

  16. I don’t have any jealous friends that I know of. I keep my circle extremely small and I am very cautious of who I call my friends. Most people are just associates or someone I know of. I only call one or two folks my friends.

  17. experienceaurie Says:

    this picture had me rolling….she had that look like: “who does this stitch think she is…”

  18. S Says:

    Used to have a best friend exactly like that! Same story- I was always complimentive, supportive, happy for her succeses etc. but I would hardly hear praise, support for my own things- I would hear negative comments on indirect insults about my things more.
    Distanced myself from her- made new, better friends- new life- better life! 🙂 Still talk to her and hang out sometimes- my ‘ditching’ of her has humbled her a bit and made her less negative which is nice 🙂


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