Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Beat A** First, Ask Questions Later….. October 18, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — Sunny @ 9:00 pm

We need to get back to the time where children were TERRIFIED of all adults- including parents, teachers, people on the bus, etc.

Last week, I was watching TV and ran across a Nancy Grace-sound alike and she had a story on that was disturbing.   A 15-year-old kid, Michael, suffered burns on 65% of his body when five little boys saw fit to douse him with alcohol and set him on fire, because he was a “snitch”.   See Story Here

When I saw this, I was pissed… I didn’t even care about the  home life of those five kids or what triggered their actions – I just want to do bodily harm to them.  I know that may not be the politically correct thing to say but seriously I can’t think of anything these five little boys could be going through on their home life that would excuse this kind of behavior.  And let’s not even talk about how I feel about the word “snitch.”  That’s another post for another day. 

Anywho, what happened to the day when a child would be too terrified of consequences to do something like this ?

IMO, the control has gotten out of the hands of the adults..  Parents are not parenting.  They are too quick to come to the defense of their child, thus being a friend,  instead of listening to the other adult.  You can’t even SNATCH A CHILD UP anymore, without being threatened.   I don’t see how teachers do it.

Additionally, children are being baby sat by the television, by Play Station and by other kids. I’m not saying it’s this little boy’s mothers fault, but I did see on the special that the little boy was TERRIFIED of going to school.  Um mom, how about you listen to your child and accompany him to school?  In these situations, when your child is clearly TERRIFIED, you need to be the pit bull guardian.   GET INVOLVED!!!!

What are your thoughts?????  Where do you think we go wrong with the children? 

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34 Responses to “Beat A** First, Ask Questions Later…..”

  1. Peyso Says:

    We go wrong everywhere. Every situation is so different. Sometimes the kid is just bad. Sometimes its the wrong parenting style for that particular kid. Sometimes the parent is just bad. Too hard to lump em together.

    For the record, you spare the rod you spoil the child (However, this is to be used with good taste).

  2. LaPreghiera Says:

    1. The problem with a lot of these kids are that their parents were just kids when they had them, so until the parents grew up, the child didn’t learn right from wrong at the correct stage in life. It becomes cyclical too.
    2. For the ones that did have grown parents, there is really no excuse. My sister just had a FB discussion about a child clowning in the store she was at one day. By her discription this was a yt child, so her yt friend starts signifying how tough it is, talking about how both she & hubby worked and went to school and their son would throw tantrums and they didn’t know what to do. THEN their parents said,’ oh other parents understand your plight…’
    So is that going to be your excuse when he pulls a Columbine?
    My sis response was like if you got time to make him, you got time to break him, they LEARN this stuff and if no other kids are running amuck in the store THOSE parents (and me) will not understand
    I’m straight from the beat first club, but in today’s society be ready to throw down if you correct someone else’s child, especially if their parents already don’t like you for whatever reason. If that child is just bad or worse, acting out from that parents bad talk of you, and you try to correct them aaawwww now you’re singling them out.
    This all points to giving them too many liberties, and the government is helping to do this with laws and CPS which is way over used, and these kids don’t realize til its too late the system is not the place you want to be.
    A young man at my church is his moms ( a teacher no less) only child and she was near 40 when she had him, dad went to jail, so she spoil him, but thru his male role model he has grown into a decent young man (18 now) but even at 10-12 years old his mom letting him hang around older teens, adults and he was just grown acting. So this spring we had a situation at church with the teen group, and he got smart with dept. president cause he didn’t like a decision she made about the regular teacher of the class. This is a 60yr old mother of 8, all her kids older than him, some got kids of their own. Now how many of yall were raised not to get smart with church folks/leaders, remember bald Elisha, 42 kids, and the she bears? How about not 2 days later he totalled his brand new honda civic, he laid up in the hospital. I knew that was a ‘you ain’t 18 yet!’ message from the Lord, for him and his mama.
    Lastly, and sorry so long, parents definitely need to pay attention when your child is trying to tell you something esp about a place they are on a daily basis, they are not making this stuff up all the time. You were a child once, but don’t throw off on ‘oh you’ll get over it, they’ll grow out of it, I did’ Thats how these kids is geting raped for yrs by uncle bobby or cousin toby. Use your experience and what you would’ve like to see done. It will make you a better role model and build their trust in you, and not just see you as the person who pays the bills or an ATM.

  3. @Peyso: I’ve heard some teachers say, children aren’t born bad, they are created…. What are your thoughts on that?

    @Lapreghiera: I agree that some of the problem starts because children have children. I do think, at some point, we have to break the cycle. My little sister is 20 and 90% of her friend group have kids.. It’s a bit ridiculous. Two sisters now have two babies, one of the girls still lives in high school. They all live under the same roof with their mother.. what I don’t understand is why mommy isn’t saying or DOING SOMETHING.

    Re: “it’s so hard” I have a friend who has two kids and they are so ill behaved… she’s yt. I would hear her say it’s so hard, but my answer is so what??? You HAVE TO DO IT. You chose to have the kids and whether or not the dad chooses to participate, they always have you… when life gets tough, get tougher.

  4. “are too quick to come to the defense of their child, thus being a friend,”

    I TOTALLY AGREE HERE. My mother used to say all the time. I am not your buddy..(cause my middle school was sort of “free love” and “new parenting” and kids walking around calling teachers and parents by their first name).

    But my mother never had to do a whole lot of whipping. In fact I only remember one time ..my a!ss got TORE UP…LOL..but I did have mad respect. And I was just afraid of not just what my mother would do, but what she would THINK.

    I do believe that there should be some balance. I don’t want to make my kids feel like im some big ole bully or that I intimidate them into telling the truth or being polite and civil.

    I think if you work with children young and consistantly…you don’t have to put the fear of Jesus in them to behave well. Little by little it becomes “inate” and the organic thing to do.

  5. “But my mother never had to do a whole lot of whipping. In fact I only remember one time ..my a!ss got TORE UP…LOL..but I did have mad respect. And I was just afraid of not just what my mother would do, but what she would THINK. ”

    @Comeback: We didn’t get our butts whipped a WHOLE lot, but it was just a fear of getting it… lol.

    I agree- the child shouldn’t be getting whooped down constantly because that will create a numbness and that’s not really helping…

  6. Peyso Says:

    @ Nicki – Some ppl are jus born bad, not most just sad. Demonic and sh!t. Sounds cynical but its true.

    I did my fair share of stupid sh!t when I was little. But the one thing that my parents will give me and my brother credit for was that we didnt act out in public. I did my foolishness in the comfort and privacy of my own room. Ppl often think that because I was a big kid I didnt get beatings or that they didnt hurt. Boy are they wrong…

  7. @Peyso: “Some ppl are jus born bad, not most just sad. Demonic and sh!t. Sounds cynical but its true.”

    I dunno- I just thought God made us all pretty much the same…

    “I did my foolishness in the comfort and privacy of my own room. Ppl often think that because I was a big kid I didnt get beatings or that they didnt hurt. Boy are they wrong…”

    @Peyso: LOL. We did too (I am the oldest of 4).. the only time we acted a fool was in the house with our MOTHER… lol. we were scared to death of daddy…. he had the worse whoopings so we stayed on our best behavior when he got home.

  8. Peyso Says:

    @ Nicki – I got one whipping from my pops that I can remember. I was in 8th grade. I got suspended from school for allegedly “throwning a chair”. (The teacher recanted her story and it got removed from the infamous permanent record). He drove me to this desolate block and gave took off his belt and my stupid behind started to run in circles around the car. And eventually he told me to stop or its gonna be worst. And my stupid behind listened and I got it bad. And then he took me home to my momma. Who beat me like a man in the street. I wish I could paint the picture but looking back on it it was pretty funny. I was the king of the multiple beatings in a day award.

  9. @Peyso: she recanted the story? Shut up.. . but your butt couldn’t RECANT THAT WHOOPIN!

    I’m cracking up at you running circles though. It brings back memories.. we tried to run but soon smartened up because that made the whooping worse… might as well just stand there… lol

  10. Reecie Says:

    I agree with Peyso, some ARE born bad. But unchecked behavior definitely allows one to continue to be “bad”. I think almost all children go thru a rebellious stage and all people–children and adults like to “push their luck” and challenge you–see what they can get away with, if you will. I think the issue these days is respect. Children don’t respect their parents–who are often children themselves–mentioned before. And these parents spend so much time trying to be their kids”friends” that they don’t demand respect. If a child doesn’t respect authority in their own household, they won’t respect any adult outside of the home. I’m a grown ass woman and I am respectful to elders. As far as the cruel acts of youth in this world, I hate to say it but its been going on a long time, its just the presence of instant media that it seems more prevalent. and its really sad.

  11. FlawedBeauty Says:

    I agree with Peyso too. Some kids are born bad and it’s something they cannot get a grasp on but I think if they have the right type of parent that’s something that can be rectified.

    For example, this balloon boy. If he didn’t have issues before he is definitely going to have them now. On the whole…I think that parents who are unaware and lacking discipline of their own have problems with disciplining kids.

    Furthermore, if EVERYONE held kids accountable it wouldn’t be that way.

  12. For everyone who talked about kids being born bad, I’m just trying to understand, not discredit you, but would you say that God (and I know this only applies if you are a believer in Him) would purposely create a bad baby, who would grow into being a bad child?

    Even Satan was one of his fallen angels.

  13. @FB: Regarding the balllon boy, wouldn’t one say his parents put him up to that stunt?

    @Reecie: That thing about respect is so true…. In addition, if they don’t respect their parents, how can you even expect them to respect another adult?

  14. Peyso Says:

    @ Nicki – Reecie said it best, there are situations that will allow a child born bad to stay bad. Based on your reasoning, God wouldnt purposely create any bad situations. For example, God created Helen Keller deaf and blind. No one can say that that isnt a bad situation. However, due to her instruction she was able to succeed in life. Had she not received proper instruction she probably would have been a failure. There are some ppl who are born deaf and blind when it comes to their behavior

  15. Oooh ok.. Got it. Thanks for explaining Peyso!

  16. LaPreghiera Says:

    Peyso@Yes, the kids whose parents are into occult and dedicate their kids to the devil, like we do ours at church, they are on another level of evil PURPOSELY-which is why they need whoopins to beat as much of that out of them as possible.
    Nicki@ I saw that when I was younger, gangs of girls in the mall and their kids in strollers, how is that cute? I prayed Lord never let me be someone’s “baby’s mama” I don’t like that phrase even in jest. If my hubby called me that, I’d cut his throat. I couldn’t even get into R. Kelly “Half on a Baby” back in the day, my girl loved that song, and guess what she got?!?!
    You can talk about bad kids off the top, so I watched the vid/article and one mother is like “they’re good kids, good grades…etc” Lady please accept you have raised Rosemary’s baby and you will be paying the Brewers’ medical bills forever.

  17. ” I saw that when I was younger, gangs of girls in the mall and their kids in strollers, how is that cute? I prayed Lord never let me be someone’s “baby’s mama” I don’t like that phrase even in jest. If my hubby called me that, I’d cut his throat. I couldn’t even get into R. Kelly “Half on a Baby” back in the day, my girl loved that song, and guess what she got?!?!
    You can talk about bad kids off the top, so I watched the vid/article and one mother is like “they’re good kids, good grades…etc” Lady please accept you have raised Rosemary’s baby and you will be paying the Brewers’ medical bills forever.”

    @Lapreghiera: God I hated that song too.. I agree- being a baby’s mama was never anything I wanted to be. I hate that term.. I undestand situations happen, but why resort yourself to the term, “baby mama/daddy.” Say the parent of my child. PLEASE. lol

    We see groups of girls all the time walking around pushing strollers.. and because my little sisters friends have kids all about the same age- it makes me wonder.. is there a race?

  18. The Sphinx Says:

    LOVING the picture. That’s EXACTLY what’s needed. That’s the same thing with what happened in Chicago to that teen. There’s NO reason what happened to him should’ve happened. And the sad thing is, adults were AROUND when it happened. All I could think of after hearing that was that a handfull of adults should commence to whooping those boys’ asses – until they couldn’t even sit down, and/or walk anymore. I definitely blame the parents, because the kids wouldn’t be out here in the streets if the parents made their kids accountable and more responsible. I understand that the times are different, but that doesn’t prevent you from taking the time out and sitting down and talking to your kid. I say, let’s have all the adults in the US gang up and kick every kid’s azz they see. That’ll serve to get the unruly ones in line, and it’ll serve as a warning to the good ones. LMAO. It’s gotta be a community effort though.

  19. The Sphinx Says:

    Sorry it’s disconnected, but on the “bad kids”, I agree with Nicki here. “Bad” is a learned behavior. It’s a result of neglect, or just doing what you see being done – whether that’s on tv, your parents, your friends, etc. If those kids were disciplined when they needed to be disciplined, and loved when they needed it, I don’t think it would be half as bad.

  20. Thanks Sphinx!!!!

    Everything you said, basically. It has to be a unified effort to be successful.

    And you know- I’m so sick of the gang mentality where these little imbeciles taht cannot fight one on one get a kick out of ganging someone. What in the hell is hot about beating a person who is already down? Kicking someone who is being held? U aren’t proving that you are tough, you’ve proved that you can’t fight, lest you have an advantage.

  21. @Sphinx: that’s what I was thinking.. .God made us all the same… children are innocent and good.

    But their surroundings, i.e. home life, school life, etc.. make them turn to the other side.

  22. Im not sure if I believe in the born bad phenom. I have a cousin who i pratically grew up with..we spent a lot of time to gether at our grandparents on the weekends and holidays. And she turned out MARKEDLY different. And people still talk about. She was a bad a!ss kid. Ran away ALOT. even once took me (she’s four years older) on some escapade in an abondaned house she was 8 i was 4 and had the cops looking for us.

    I mean it got worse ..year after year and now she’s in jail. Peple would comment growing up that she was a bad seed. I don’t buy this AT ALL. She had poor parenting and tons of light skinned points (different blog/different day). lol

  23. “She was a bad a!ss kid. Ran away ALOT. even once took me (she’s four years older) on some escapade in an abondaned house she was 8 i was 4 and had the cops looking for us. ”

    @Comeback: And Wow, that could’ve ended poorly. Happy it didn’t.

    Was she not disciplined? What did you see that her parents did wrong?

  24. V Renee Says:

    Are kids born bad?? Hmmmm interesting thought. I don’t know. Perhaps? I say that because I truly feel there are evil people in this world. That no matter how they were raised, they would have turned out the same. Therefore I am going to go with yes, some kids are born bad. BUT I am also going to say 90% of the kids people deem as bad, are that way due to their parents. As in they aren’t getting enough attention, so they act out in other ways. Or lack of discipline. Or the wrong type of discipline. I know this sounds bad, and I’ve said it here before, and I know I don’t have a right to say it, nor is it my place to say because apparently God blessed them with a child. BUT people who don’t need kids are having kids. And yall know exactly what I mean and can point out instances such as this. I HATE HATE HATE seeing young women out with babies that they loudly cuss at in public and snatch around like a rag doll. It bothers me to my core!! I feel like people who hurt are having kids, and transferring their hurt/anger on to their kids. It’s a cycle.

  25. “Was she not disciplined? What did you see that her parents did wrong?”

    Well her momma divorced her dad early. And is now “how you doing” in an Ellen kind of way. And I think it was just hard for her to deal with her mothers decision. And NO ONE discussed it. It was like this big elephant in the room. Even today I can’t say..”my aunt is gay”..i gotta do all that Ellen stuff LOL..but it was just bad parenting too. My cousin would “find lots of money” over our house, at my grandparents..and no one really disciplined her.

    My mother would always tell her mother discipline her. When she steals stuff..embarrass her a!ss. Make her take the stuff back and apologize to the store owners. But I think it was just too much for my aunt. She’s not really the “mother type” and i think some people are just best NOT parents..you know.??

  26. “BUT people who don’t need kids are having kids”

    @V: as bad as it sounds, I agree with that too…. I also think not every parent loves their child. I hate to see someone curse out a child too…. or call them names, “with yo’ black a**, you little Em Effe….” Seriously, how can a child expect to have high self esteem when they are hearing that?

  27. “She’s not really the “mother type” and i think some people are just best NOT parents..you know.??”

    @Comeback: Exactly.. and I think maybe people let her get away with stuff because her mother was ELLEN and somehow felt that she got shorted due to her circumstances.

  28. FlawedBeauty Says:

    @Nicki

    That’s exactly what I’m saying…so now they’ve taught him that’s it’s alright to lie and deceive people to get what you want.

    We have to always remember that the sins of our fathers are visited upon our children. So we need to take responsible actions now.

  29. @FB: And what’s hilarious is they must not have taught him to lie good enough because his little butt got them in trouble. LMAO

  30. FlawedBeauty Says:

    soooooo true lol

  31. First of all the title is hilarious! But on the serious note I agree with you Nick! Parents are no longer spanking their kids and if they do children are screaming “Child Abuse!” No longer are adults able to discipline even in schools.

  32. LaPreghiera Says:

    “BUT people who don’t need kids are having kids”
    @V & Nicki: That is true, I tried volunteering in HS & College with risk youth, the kids love having someone show them an ounce of attention, and parents react differently- some are jealous the child gets attention they didn’t, some jealous cause child “loves you more”, others would let you take the child as long as they could still collect a check!!!
    Then, I was having a discussion with friends about why pro-lifers i.e. church groups/people don’t adopt more unwanted children that are born by their efforts. Firstly, I said you must be talking to black folk in particular cause yt people can’t BUY a healthy infant, they run over seas and pay top dollar for a russian, asian, but we trip when they are raising a free brown baby. Second, we focus so much on stopping the abortion, we don’t train/equip the parents to love and nurture the child so they don’t end up in the system. That is part of that groups failure.

  33. @Hol: Thanks doll! I agree- Parents are so scared of being reported for child abuse.

    @Lapreghiera: You definitely brought up some good points. Children need love, nurturing and DISCIPLINE.

  34. experienceaurie Says:

    My Jamaican upbringing has always been predicated on discipline. Discipline at home, school, and anywhere for that matter. Slowly but surely, things have eroded there and a lot of people say that it’s because children no longer fear adults.

    This lack of fear grows into a lack of respect which has manifested itself in all sorts of destructive ways. I am not a person that condones abuse, but I remember a time when kids knew instantaneously when they did something wrong because they were able to process the consequences before their parents found out. This is part of moral education and accountability. Nowadays, these concepts are just concepts without much weight because of that lack of fear.


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