Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

He Is… October 19, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 9:20 pm

Over the course of time here in the blogesphere I’ve seen many discussions about how women need to let men be men and how we need to let a man lead us, etc. etc.  Then just recently I’ve started to hear that women don’t know how to be women and that we are in fact the ones that are messing up the game.  I’ve really started to ponder this.  I mean really…hard.  What exactly is it that women are doing to mess up the game?  And if indeed we are messing it up, why?  (That’s a different post for a different day and I swear I’ll prolly use a guest)…I digress…

I was listening to the Luvologist on Blog Talk Radio last Sunday in a show titled “Why I Don’t Have a Man”.  Many of the women cited not having a man because they simply didn’t want one.  The men were quick to say that’s not true and every woman wants companionship.  I believe them. I don’t think anyone wants to be alone.  But anyways, the real point of this post is to dissect what’s a good man…and then to discuss why women are ruining good men for sport.  But I have a question…what is a good man?  How the he!l are we as women ruining them?

Since this blog is a forum for discussion I am only going to give a two things that I think make a good man.  I want to hear from the ladies what you think a good man is (perhaps by the end of the day we’ll have built him) and from the men I want to know what makes you a good man.

These are my first two things (I’m sure I’ll have more in the morning):

1. A Challenge-I know I know…I can see you sitting there in shock wondering how dare I say a man should be a challenge, after all isn’t that the woman’s place?  But…let’s think about this way: in order for a man to challenge a woman he must be smart, charming, witty but considerate enough to know when he is doing too much.  If I can consistently just run right over you, I’m sorry but I don’t want you.  Now with any challenge you cannot be afraid to lose which means this man must be courageous, but he must also have grace just in case he does lose.  There also has to exist an air of patience as sometimes these challenges can take time, but there’s often a big pay out.

2.God-fearing-This is a challenge in it and of itself.  If he has this one down then he likely can do anything.  That’s all I’m going to say on this one 😉

Alright, I’m going to leave this one alone…ladies, tell me what would your perfect man is.  If you had a machine to build him in a day would you?  Gentlemen…what qualities do you as men think compose a good man?  And for fun…why don’t you tell us what makes up the perfect woman…

Next Week: The Right Man

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13 Responses to “He Is…”

  1. […] He Is… « Single Sisters Speak Out singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com/2009/10/19/he-is – view page – cached Over the course of time here in the blogesphere I’ve seen many discussions about how women need to let men be men and how we need to let a man lead us, etc. etc. Then just recently I’ve started… (Read more)Over the course of time here in the blogesphere I’ve seen many discussions about how women need to let men be men and how we need to let a man lead us, etc. etc. Then just recently I’ve started to hear that women don’t know how to be women and that we are in fact the ones that are messing up the game. (Read less) — From the page […]

  2. Shannon Says:

    I think wanting companionship occasionally is different from wanting a relationship. I’m single and I’m honestly not ready to give that up for anyone right now. I roam the world. focus on my businesses and I love it. Some days companionship would be cool, but most days I’m beyond content.

    If I was looking for a good man, he would need to be open-minded, spiritual and humorous.

  3. I agree with Shannon, a relationship is different than companionship… And a companion can come in the form of your homegirl. My girls have provided plenty of that for me. (no Ellen). lol

    The perfect man for me is: driven, listens and takes action, a good communicator, believes in God and is active with his faith, one that takes charge…. I could go on and on describing him. 😉

  4. what does God fearing really mean? cause everybody says they fear God, but they really don’t. If they did, they wouldn’t do the stuff they do.

    I think a good brother is hard working, active in his community, honest, generally respectful, and a provider. However he chooses to live, he’s honest and upfront about it.

  5. “what does God fearing really mean? cause everybody says they fear God, but they really don’t. If they did, they wouldn’t do the stuff they do.”

    That’s a very good point.

  6. Reecie Says:

    God fearing in the literal is a gross overexaggeration, but I think people use it to mean someone that loves and has a relationship with the Creator. I don’t look at it as a bad thing.

    I agree with all of the things said so far, here’s my list: loving, considerate, a provider, humorous, sensual, honest.

  7. Peyso Says:

    A good man is……

    Depends on who you are. What’s good for you aint good for her and vice versa

  8. FlawedBeauty Says:

    Shannon: You are absolutely correct. Companionship and a relationship are two totally different things…and each can grow from the other dependent upon the situation.

    Nicki: When I was writing this post…I just knew you would have nothing but good things to say about the perfect man for you!

    I could go on and on too…but I won’t …cause he might be reading.

    undressingHer: I think Reecie has summed it up nicely. Incidentally there are many men and women alike who are not grounded in the Lord.

    Peyso: And you are correct sir…the right type of man is different depending on the woman, but fundamentally speaking what a good man is tends to be general. He has to have a few key elements whether she’s a hood rat or a Michelle.

  9. “When I was writing this post…I just knew you would have nothing but good things to say about the perfect man for you!

    I could go on and on too…but I won’t …cause he might be reading”

    @BF: You arleady know!

  10. K Even Says:

    what qualities do you as men think compose a good man?

    being a MAN makes a man a good man, black men have to unlearn what society teaches us and forge our own path/identity in this world. Black men are not treated like garbage outside of the US, that is a US problem. A black man has to learn to be a Preacher, Father, Mentor, Lover, Friend, Brother, King, Disciple, and many other things which pronounce who he is when he steps on the scene.

    And for fun…why don’t you tell us what makes up the perfect woman..
    i think neither man nor woman can be perfect for one another, they may go together like ham and burger, but that burger is not always cooked to perfection at every meal… what we can do on a daily basis is make each other smile and give plenty of hugs.. i believe everything else falls in place in due time… ya didgg.. !!!!

  11. FlawedBeauty Says:

    @Nick

    I sure do mamacita 😉

    @KEven…

    I think you are absolutely correct with everything you said. Black people need to realize that in other countries black men are treated much better (think how in history there are so many expatriates)

    And I must say when certain men step on the scene you stop, look at him and follow him in awe (ladies definitely do this)

    And you are right about the perfect woman and really the perfect man. On a daily basis, I think you need to show that person that they are appreciated…even when you disagree…there has to be love 😉

  12. QueenT Says:

    My ideal man would be a man who loves the Lord. He has to have integrity and be of good character. He must be loyal. He must be respectful. He has to be generous and last but not least he has to have a sense of humor and be able to make me laugh.

  13. LaPreghiera Says:

    “And I must say when certain men step on the scene you stop, look at him and follow him in awe (ladies definitely do this)”
    A real man will cause the gayest man to “man up” when dealing with him, and the butchest broad to get perplexed cause they just won’t ever get there. That is the power of a MAN and I agree all this other bull these young men are taking in needs to be unlearned. Some of it needs to be whooped out, but that was last post…

    I agree on companions and relationships- I’m tired of the same ol’ companions, but be all vulnerable and open in relationship- maybe next year. Companionship is big for me, I do so much alone, it’d be like the impetus for me to take a serious interest in someone. When everyone else is zigging, and I’m doing my usual zag, if a brother says “yanno, I’d like to join you” that would get my attention. Now this brother does need to have a good career, intellect, integrity, can sing (not whine), sense of humor, active and progressing relationship with Jesus, and no kids for him to be “perfect.”


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