Yesterday was a bit heavy so I wanted to be a bit lighthearted. I recently had a convo with a friend of mine who is still attending my alma mater. Though it was just a rather quick “catch up” convo, it highlights some of the things that we discuss on this blog and blogs around the intranet. Topics such as: dating, why black men suck, sex, dating men with kids, sex in twin size beds and gf/mother relations. I hope that you find this as funny as I did.
PEYSO: enough about me how have u been? what have u been up to? How’s the fella u were talking to?
HER: uuuuuugh, fml
PEYSO: what happened?
HER: i’m gonna go from past to most recent
HER: Sorry, I’m gonna be slow on the responses since i’m writing a paper too. So do u remember guy #1 and guy #2?
I don’t know who was who
but I remember there were 2
HER: o ok. guy #1=25, 2 y.o. son, iffy in terms of income and intelligence. Guy#2= TU sophomore, engineering major, works at JCrew, brother in Delta Eta
PEYSO: ok, I remember now
HER: so guy #1 started to get his ish together and got 2 jobs and an apartment. But one job was for a senator’s campaign so it ended at the end of October and left without enough income to pay rent or wuteva. so he was stressing and looking for a new job and stopped calling me cuz that’s his way protecting me from his drama. So I started to talk to guy #2 more, but he was slow on his response cuz he’s not good with time management. So eventually guy #2 has a free crib and invites me over for a sleepover. and I wouldn’t have gone, since I had no intentions of sleeping with him, but I hadn’t seen him in like two weeks and I wasn’t kicking it with anyone else so I went so I was there and stuff was good until it was time for bed. Apparently he wasn’t as cool with celibacy as he thought he would be theoretically. So we were at odds and got in an altercation and now we don’t talk anymore at all.
PEYSO: an altercation?
HER: an argument. In a twin XL bed. awkward to say the least. So I went back to guy #1. and things were good. and like a week passed. Then it was homecoming and I went with the alums to liberty place to find a dress for our banquet dinner and we were heading to Victoria secrets, and I saw guy #2 coming down the escalator on his way back to jcrew from his lunch break. I looked at the ground cuz I figured there would be awkwardness between us, but he came over to me all quickly and happily to say what up. In the end the convo got awkward but the gesture wasn’t lost on me cuz up until then he hadn’t talked to me at all since we had our falling out, so I just assumed that it was deaded.
PEYSO: I see
HER: but then he was all in my face talking bout how he’s been busy and how have I been so I thought things might be cool between us after all.
HER: moving forward, I didn’t hear from guy #2 but I was talking to guy #1 pretty consistently so last week I went to see him twice. The second time was Friday and I went to his place after this party, and by the time I got there I was shitfaced.
HER: So I only remembered getting into bed and the next thing I know its like 8am and he’s fully dresses and he’s telling me that he has to go get his kid, and to lock the bottom lock on my way out
PEYSO: fair enough
HER: so I said ok and drunkenly fell back asleep. He calls at 10am and it wakes me and he asked wut I was doing and if I got home safely and I told him I was still as his place.
He was all happy and said that if I could he would like if I hung around so he could say bye to me before I left (cuz i’m not gonna see him this week or next week) so I said I would.
HER: But at noon he still wasn’t back
PEYSO: did u call and say u had to go?
HER: I called and he said he had stopped at the dunkin donuts around the corner and his kid spilled milk everywhere but he was on his way
HER: I called my girl to pass the time and we decided that if he wasn’t back by 12:30 I would be out, but then he showed up at 12:25 on the dot. So his kid was in the living room watching Sesame Street and he was in the bed with me, since I wasn’t feeling well. His kid would miss his dad and come jump in the bed and fuss over him for a while and then go back to the TV. Meanwhile we were just talking so it was mostly ok, except that his kid would like ask him to go in the living room, cuz like kids need attention, but when he had to choose he chose me
PEYSO: I see
HER: so I think I’ve got some bad blood going with the kid and I tell him that he’s neglecting the kid and should go play with him. He goes into the living room and i’m in the bed since i’m feeling lightheaded from the night before. Eventually I force myself out of bed cuz it’s getting late and I’ve got this paper to write (the same paper i’m writing at this moment). I get my stuff together and I got to him and I want a kiss before I leave but I don’t wanna do it in front of his kid, who is watching us intently so he goes in the bedroom with me but then we kinda just end up lounging in bed like we were earlier until his kid starts fussing for attention again.
HER: and I start to feel sick again since I get a head rush whenever I try to get out of the bed but eventually I get out of bed and make it and get my stuff and I go and ask for a kiss so we go in the bedroom but he wants more than a kiss. I try to oblige but i’m not really feeling it since i’m never really feeling it, and i’m sick. Ten seconds later in we hear the pitter patter of little feet running to the bedroom door and his kid is too small to open the door and starts crying. H goes out and tells some lie to his kid and puts him in front of the TV
PEYSO: ur never into it?
HER: I’m only into it in the early honeymoon period when I wanna show off wut I can do, and like when I feel a vested interest in the other person’s satisfaction I try to put in the effort. But otherwise I’ve become pretty selfish in my old age and I just don’t feel motivated when i’m with him. So at this time he comes back in the room and gets in the bed again and I start talkin about how I’m not feeling it and how I’m sick and we’re bout to get caught and it’s not worth all this hassle for something that I’m gonna half ass anyway. However, he counters about how generous he has been in the past and how selfish I was the night before (mind u I can only remember sleeping) since I was drunk
So I start, and he stops me like 30secs in cuz he’s worried his kid is gonna hurt himself or fall in the toilet or something. So I go out and close the toilet and the bathroom door and peep on his kid to make sure he’s ok, and he is. Right after that his kid runs back to the bedroom door and does the crying thing.
PEYSO: lol @ fall in the toilet
HER: lol, but it’s a legit concern. So the kid hops in the bed and tries to get under the covers with his dad, which causes this hugely awkward moment since he’s naked. And then, just as that moment is passing his cell rings and it’s his (the guy’s) mother. He had told me that his mother was coming around three so they could all go out shopping later so I planned to be out at three. I mean 2
HER: But when I asked him to come say bye to me that last time, he had asked me to stay til 2:30, and I asked what time it was at that moment and because he said it was only two so I said ok. But he was lying and it was actually 2:20 and he wanted my attention before I left. So now his phone is ringing cuz his mother is parking outside. Of course I’m mortified, cuz I’m not trying meet his mom, ever. So before their convo is over his mother suddenly screams and the line goes dead
PEYSO: lol this sh!t is nuts
HER: so he freaks out and hops out the bed and runs for the door, butt naked and I’m running after him with clothes telling him to get dressed, and the kid is running behind me like “DaAAadddddYYYYY!!!”
this is hilarious
HER: it’s my life, He dresses real quick and he’s running to the front of the apt building to see what is going on with his mom. and I wanna run upstairs to the next floor of the building to bide my time until his mom is inside his apt and I can leave unseen but he gives me this puppy dog look cuz if I leave the kid will be alone while he steps out. So…of course…I say I’ll stay with the kid while he checks on his mom. I’m with the kid and I had been pretty distant from him all day, cuz its not my place to all up on some guy’s kid, and cuz I don’t like kids. But now it’s just us so he gives me this Dora the Explorer book and I start to read it with him. I suck cuz I didn’t read it. I just asked him to identify Dora on each and every page of the book. Like “Who’s that” Dora…good job kid.” So now guy#1 returns with his mama in tow and she sees me and its awk
HER: and I’m like “hi, I’m Z” silence on her end, awk look at her son, looking back at me, “hi”
this sh!t is hilarious
HER: So she starts to talk in that stereotypical baby voice to the kid like “hey baby! come say hi to grandma!” and the kid is quick to say NO!! And she’s like “what? no love for grandma? I missed u baby! come give me a hug”. NO!!
HER: Then he kinda pushes himself into the corner between the wall and the couch where I’m sitting in an effort to get as far away from grandma as possible; however, he is not fazed. “Come on baby” NO!! Then there’s an awkward silence. The kid assesses the situation and apparently I’m the lesser of two evils cuz he turns to me and reaches for the Dora book in my lap and says “LETS PLAY DORA!!” Thanks kid, now grandma hates me.
HER: so I wanna leave, but guy #1 takes his mom to the bathroom to help her clean the mud off of herself. Apparently she screamed b/c she kinda lost her balance out on the street, where they’re doing alot of construction. And since it had been storming for two days or so the road was full or muddy potholes. So I cant leave b/c the kid will be alone which is why I stayed in the first place
PEYSO: Send him to the bathroom
HER: So I wait til they get back and then I kinda just drag guy#1 into the bedroom so I can get the goodbye kiss vie been after for three hours
PEYSO: u really wanted that kiss
HER: and we do, but it’s not as good as it usually is cuz he’s agitated cuz the situation is so stressful. Yeah I like kissing. And I tried to send the kid to the bathroom, but he wasn’t trying go anywhere grandma was gonna be. So finally I leave, and on my way out I say goodbye to his mom. Her back is facing me cuz she’s looking at the posters hanging on the fridge and she doesn’t respond. Guy #1 gets on her about it, and she says that she didn’t hear me cuz she was into what she was reading, but he feels embarrassed cuz it seems intentional but I could really care less. I’m trying to make moves so I get back to campus.
PEYSO: lol finally
HER: And I need a date for this dinner on Thursday but I know that guy #1 doesn’t have a suit (I went through all his stuff while I was waiting for him to come home) and this event is semiformal. So I call guy #2, who of course doesn’t answer. So then I tell J this whole story and she decides that I need to delete guy #2 number cuz I’m kinda jockin him. and I need to set an end date for guy #2. I don’t think I’m really gonna set a date, but her advice has been noted and I deleted the number the end.
HER: Also that fool #2 hasn’t called me or anything since I left on sat so really the end.
PEYSO: I might have to write a blog today and if I do, I’m gonna use this story. Now go write ur paper!
HER: lol. don’t use my name. and don’t you think blogging is kinda nerdy? cuz it is
PEYSO: it isn’t anymore; some of these joints are as far from nerdy as they come
HER: you’ll have to enlighten me some other time. as far as I know the avg blog by the avg person is….I don’t even know what to call it.
PEYSO: Lame? To say the least.
HER: lol. ok. I thought u were gonna take the story and replace guy #1 with a girl and say this was ur Saturday morning
PEYSO: No No, I’m gonna jus tell the story
HER: o ok lol, do not cite ur sources
PEYSO: I shant
HER: lol @ shant