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The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Sorry, No Stalgia Allowed. November 12, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 3:00 am
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Nostalgia is a seductive liar.  ~George Wildman Ball


In Tuesday’s post, I invoked the term Dinosaur.  I realize I didn’t do proper diligence to defining that term and Intended to devote today to outlining the length and breadth of the term.

Dinosaurs Are Creatures of the past.  Creatures born to rule in a certain period of time.  A periend where men were men, women were women, and sheep were nervous.  The rules were clear,

Men: Win Bread. Retrieve Bacon

Women: Make Home. Receive Bacon, and Fry it in a pan.


Men: Keeper of Castle

Women: Kept in Castle


Men: Slayer of Dragons

Women: Baker of cookies


As the story goes, these were the good old days.  Men NEVER left the house.  EVERYONE had Ward Cleaver Huxtable  And Donna June  Huxtable at home and if your kids came out screwed up, it had to have been because you didn’t love them enough and let them run the streets like the folks in the projects did.


And Papa was a Rolling Stone was a song about How Daddy used to Carry Mick Jagger’s bags before he came home to raise a family.


I refuse to believe that Papa was a Rolling Stone became a huge hit as some kind of a Fantastic inverse fairy tale.  The song resonated for many folks.

Yes….many of you will run over timid woodland creatures to comment about how fabulous YOUR family was.

and how long your Mom and Dad were married.

and how Your Dad Walked on water and your Mom washed his feet with her hair, and liked it.

And to that I say.  You, Sir/Ma’am, are Fortunate and blessed beyond measure.

The reality is the Black family in America is an Immaculate conception.


That we have ANY family heritage, ANY tradition of ANY kind, other than that akin to a team of horses, is a miracle on a par with the virgin birth.

The Black family was BORN broken and purposely left out to die byt the AnteBellum Society that sought to build an economy on its back.  It has limped along and fought for its survival, in the face of unspeakable odds.

In order to heal the enduring birth defects that the Black family still suffers, first we must avoid the tendency to act like the problem is somehow recent.  There has been a worsening of the circumstances that fit perfectly into the narrative that goes back to Jamestown (first one of you to usher the name of Willie Lynch into this narrative gets a one way ticket to time out)

This whole part of the game where we Yearn for Yesterday is wack – ESPECIALLY for a people whose freedom is tenuous and embryonic on a good day.

Any fond moments of yesteryear come from sporadic triumphs of the will and the grace of God (how much of which depends on how hard you go in on Saturday/Sunday)

Dinosaurs existed to guide through a period in our history…a period which appears to have long since passed.


Let them roam the earth in peace in their twilight years…Please do not act like The Dinosaurs have a future.  They do not.


6 Responses to “Sorry, No Stalgia Allowed.”

  1. Peyso Says:

    I love how when I read your posts, it doesnt click for a moment. And then all of a sudden, it clicks.

    I think your post alludes to the reasons that I dont bang w/ many of our leading black male intellectuals because they do not allow women to sit at the table

  2. Jaci Says:

    Great post!

    First… @Peyso

    True enough they do not allow women to sit at the table. But I wouldn’t say it was because they were dinosaurs (provided this is what you’re saying) in fact, I would say they do not allow women, especially black ones, to sit at the table with them is because we have two strikes against us…First black and then a woman. After all, women’s rights are SIXTY years younger then black rights and even still neither of which is widely received at this late date.

    As for the post, I think Ink has made several good points here today. I agree the black family was dead before it was born. And what, for me, is so ironic is the fact that we say today our children our suffering because of father’s but what we don’t realize is those father’s didn’t really know how to be father’s because their father’s weren’t really fathers.

    *side note* examine the movie “The Temptations”…which of them was really a full fledged father? And when this song actually came out… they definitely had things to say…I wonder why? *end side note*

    Now… we commend men like MLK and Malcolm X for being good men, but judging from how their kids (and in one instance or two kids kids) have come out-what were they really doing?

    I’m going to say and you can stone me it’s cool: MARTIN WAS A ROLLING STONE.

    Moving right along, there are some dinosaurs out there and that’s cool with me. I hope to learn from them and I hope to learn from the women who accompany them. I think my aunt is one of those… as just yesterday regarding relationships she said:

    See and don’t see. Hear and don’t hear.

    I believe her. I don’t believe her.

    If I do these things for a egg (which most men are) then the results will be damaging…

    If I find a dinosaur and do it… well… I just might end up the 3rd Black First Lady 😉

    Again, great post!

  3. inkognegro Says:

    @peyso – Stop sneaking and reading the drafts…I am taking on that sacred cow on Tuesday.

    why? why? why? Why you gotta put a post in the comments?

    Im not saying we need to go out and Off the Dinosaurs. I am saying we can learn from them, we just cannot embody them.

    There is no future in that.

  4. Intellexual Says:

    Personally, I have Love for the Dinosaurs. There is much to be learned from Dinosaurs 🙂 IMHO, ‘what NOT to do’.

    I do concur with the statement: “Please do not act like The Dinosaurs have a future. They do not.”

    They are a dying breed, leaving behind only the fossils of their primitive ideals and behaviors. Though as cliché’ as it sounds, old habits do die hard… especially when you have women who STILL subscribe to socially repressed ideals, or worse those who degrade themselves only allowing more leeway for Papa to continue being that Rolling Stone.

    This hits a personal note for me, as I love my parental Dinosaurs and have had the opportunity to really see the dynamic of their relationship, even looking as far back as before I was born, to hear stories about my father.

    Love and justice aren’t the only things that are said to be blind. Female Dinosaurs have been known to turn a blind eye.

    The dynamic of the black family, is and has been screwed up for quite some time. We wonder why there is no unity among blacks as a whole, when there is no unity among the very foundation, the black family.
    (LOL Sorry for the blog-jackery)

  5. Jaci Says:


    All the points you made are great. And to me, it kinda goes back to the debate we had here about black men and how in history they have been removed from their families.

    So if they weren’t there in the beginning why would they be now? (Even if it’s okay now and no one is going to sell you.)

    I’m leaving this post up for tomorrow too… I think it’s an excellent expressway to further dialogue.

  6. LP Says:

    Ok, at the risk of sounding like my 14-yr old self when she saw a glimpse of Johnny Depp, I will say it again: why isn’t there a book with your name on it out there (or is there??). You, sir, do write brilliantly.


    The Black family was BORN broken and purposely left out to die byt the AnteBellum Society that sought to build an economy on its back. It has limped along and fought for its survival, in the face of unspeakable odds
    Those are powerful words indeed. From my outsider’s experience, I can not stop admiring the strength and resilience that Black Americans have been able to show throughout history.

    You will always have your past romantics… They are plenty. It’s easy to “appreciate” things that have gone… they are gone! The light on them is dim, and we all know the power of dim lights. However, what you describe is true, was true for most of the world: the model we are so quick to elevate was fraught with flaws, real flaws that needed to be changed. Nobody challenges things that work perfectly…

    Anywho, what we need to do NOW instead of romancizing a past we know nothing about, is to take what we have and rearrange it so it makes sense to US and works for US. It’s kinda like a set of legos, some pieces might be gone, you might have new pieces of different colors BUT you can always manage to create a beautiful structure. It might not look like any other’s structure, but that’s ok.

    If we take stock of what we have and what we need from each other, that can go a long way towards finding a lasting road to success.

    As usual, excellent post!

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