Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

The Denigration of the Institution Formerly Known As Marriage December 7, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 1:10 am

With all the recent hoopla surrounding Tiger Woods and his alleged infidelity there’s a subject that’s left out in the cold.  We’ve analyzed his voice mail, listening to his neighbors account, what the media had to say and what he hasn’t said.  Financially, there are a lot of women who stand to gain from this and one woman who stands to gain upwards of 55 million dollars to remain married to him for the next two years.

You read right, he is willing to pay her more money than most of us will ever work to make just to remain his wife til 2011.

While I am all for atonement for extra marital affairs I cannot for the life of me understand this.  To me, the fact that men (and women too) are paying their mates to remain married to them says that the institution of marriage has hit an all time low.  Truthfully, what makes this so hilarious is that the oldest profession in the world is meeting up with the oldest institution of the world and running amuck on life.

Let me go back a bit and say I am single (meaning not married) and one day I want to be married (wherein I leave my family & he leaves his… Genesis style… meaning we cleave unto one another) but I am unsure of whether or not I want to especially if my future husband can remain faithful only unto himself, his penis and their wants, needs and desires then pay me to remain his wife.

What happened to being committed to the commitment?  Have we become such a microwave society that the commitment isn’t even necessary?  Are you marrying largely for the sake of having that in-house special?

My answer to all those is that we need to get back to the basics.  It used to be that people married like they were told to and made it work.  Then you had your people who married for love and really made it work.  I know there are great examples in history where men and cheated and women have made it work… (think Martin and Coretta… you bet not pretend you don’t know).

I personally believe that (in no disrespect to Elin Nordegren) if men made better choices and decisions, we’d all have better households.  When I say this I mean to imply better choices in who men (and women too truth be told) decided to mate up and have children with were made, life would be better.  I believe we’d chose mates based on who we communicate with and who makes us laugh instead of whose boobs are bigger and who can swallow more.  Pick your husband/wife based on lasting attributes and perhaps we can build foundations on which the 60 year marriage can return.

I know I wanna be a cute lil old lady in the park one day… What about you?  What do you think about the institution of marriage?  Is it failing?  Why or why not?  What can we do to fix it?

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10 Responses to “The Denigration of the Institution Formerly Known As Marriage”

  1. outofhand Says:

    Great post!!! The institution is a reflection of what society’s morals are.
    I agree with you 150%, people are not making good choices about their mates. Men are not selecting right, some are marrying because “I got her pregnant”, “she is my betrothed” (other cultures), “she does look good on my arm”, etc. Women are being sneaky with trapping men in or marrying based on his financial status or some unrealistic goal they have carved up in their heads. People are not getting to really know each other or they are getting too desperate and just settling for who ever shows up with a ring and a promise….but there is still hope!!!

  2. Jaci Says:

    Exactly!

    We are picking cream of the crop but yet we are still settling.

    Yeah he’s fine and he got that baby daddy hair…so damn that pill. Then two years down the line he out the picture.

    We need to examine our choices wayyyy better than we have been. It’s not all about who can give us what… It needs to be more about the love.

  3. Reecie Says:

    I remember when you tweeted that but your emphasis was on the men only, when in actuality its the women that truly do the choosing, IMO. However, we both need to make better choices. I know a lot of people going thru or already divorced. if they had made better decisions prior to getting married, we wouldn’t have these issues. well not so many…

  4. OneChele Says:

    Great post! I agree. So much so I had a friend of mine who is a marriage counselor, life coach and veteran of marriage (18+ years) write a post about the foundation for marriage. She calls it the Serious Seven because without these, it’s just casual. Check it out if you get a second:
    http://www.blacknbougie.com/2009/12/marriage-101-start-with-good-foundation.html

  5. AnonyMiss Says:

    Marriage is definitely on a serious decline. I’m nineteen years old and in college and I can profess that both young men and women these days really aren’t interested in marriage. Many are but many are content and happy with staying single and childless for their entire lives. The number of men who feel this way seems to outnumber the women which is unfortunate for someone like me who wants nothing more but to be a mother and wife.

  6. Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by caramelpeach4: The Denigration of the Institution Formerly Known As Marriage http://bit.ly/8hTgJH (Pls RT) I wanna see thoughts on this!…

  7. inkognegro Says:

    Everyone has a plan until they get hit – Mike Tyson

    As the veteran of TWO marriages. We all walk into them thinking We know how its going to go. We swear we got the right person. We swear we ARE the right person. And it’s always grits and gravy, until something goes wrong.

    THEN what?

    That’s the deal right there, folks…what you gonna do when you get hit.

    Both of you. Cause ONE of you ain’t gonna fix ANYTHING.

  8. outofhand Says:

    inkog said it right there…both of you need to fix it or else it is not going to work!
    Anony, the are men that do want to get married. You are pretty young so the men around you are also at a place where they just want to be single and free…that was exactly what I was hearing from guys when I was your age, I am a number of yrs older and the story has changed…they start talking about wanting a good woman, yada yada yada so no worries 🙂
    This is such a close topic to my heart, I am experiencing a young marriage sizzle and it is breaking my heart so so much (and its not even my marriage) and Reecie’s post is the reason why they are breaking up.

  9. I’m late . . . I know.

    re: “personally believe that (in no disrespect to Elin Nordegren) if men made better choices and decisions, we’d all have better households. When I say this I mean to imply better choices in who men (and women too truth be told) decided to mate up and have children with were made, life would be better.”

    please stop spreading this fallacy as if I (or any man) can just get out of bed and get someone pregnant. women shouldn’t be afraid of “accidentally” getting pregnant. now they may catch the clap or something far worse from a dude . . . unwantingly . . . but you don’t catch a baby accidentally. and if you did you’re a statistical anamoly because you’ve beat the 99.9% effective rate of most if not all bc pills (or the 100% affective not boning). i’ll be glad when women start taking responsibility for this.

    and i ditto ikognegro. my wife (of 1 year) and I fully are committed to each other for the very forseeable future. if like The Roots, “things fall apart”, it definitely won’t be because we expected or tried to make them do so. actually it will be because we exhausted every bit of effort and opportunity to make isht work and . . . . . “things fell apart”.

    and i like the serious seven joint. especially number 1 (despite the fact that some of that self exploration comes with seeing different types of people . . . even sexually . . . despite how we as society have a disdain for those who do so . . . . playa . . .playa).

    before we put it on the backs of men on mate choice, how bout we consider the fact that you have a 30% less chance of D (Divorce) if you have an annual income over $50K, a 24% less chance if you have a baby more than 7 months after marriage (get on the pill . . . stay on the pill . . . cause trust, if yall engaged and getting married . . .dem condoms stop getting bought a long time back), a 24% less chance of D if you marry after 25yrs of age, 14% less chance if you marry someone of same/similiar family origin (married parents), and a 14% less chance if you have religious affiliation. [http://www.divorcereform.org/real.html]

    All those stats are better than the roulette and blackjack tables . . . . and we’ll spend a grip there (maybe i’m just sharing too much of myself. . . .lol).


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