Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

The Black Woman, The Black Man and Y2K10 January 3, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 7:30 pm

 Admin Note: I know we’ve been sporadic and here and there with writing but we were working to make a few behind the scenes adjustments.  So I’ll say Happy New Year and I promise 2010 will bring good things!  Also, be sure and check out The Return of Three Ways To Take It! Welcome back lady and gents!

It’s been ten years since we had that whole Y2K scam scare.  Everyone’s minds were fixated on what to do when some catastrophic event hit the world.  Now here we are a full decade later and whether you know it or not there’s a full conundrum for black men and women. 

Last week I asked about black men and their finances.  I wanted to know how they spend their money.  I found that many of the men reading these blogs are fiscally conservative and very responsible.  I also know these men are college educated (many with terminal degrees) and church going (which should define them as a good man, but often doesn’t).  The Black woman is still lamenting her woes about not being able to find a good Black man.  After much thought (and a little research) I’ve come up with a couple of reasons why I feel Black love is disintegrating instead of getting stronger.

1. Slave Mentality-I know many of you are wondering why I would go here, but remember throughout many of the slave households fathers were absent because they were sold or worse killed.  Genetic memory can be one of the huge reasons why we cannot build sound relationships.  The Black woman has been forced to do it on her own for almost five hundred years.  Why would that change now?  At this point, we have degrees, cars, and homes.  We don’t particularly see a great urge to go get a man and if we do, well he’d better be completely on point.

2. Princess Syndrome-I hate to break it to some of you ladies but your life is not a Disney movie.  No man is going to just come and rescue you from the castle on the hill, nor is he going to listen to you  nagging and nagging and nagging.  You can’t sit around asking questions like, “Do I look like the type of girl who would eat at the Outback?”  The answer is yes (unless you want to be alone for life). 

3. Derogatory Treatment of the Opposite Sex-I’m going to be straight up honest… when I was younger I exclusively dated White men. When I got a lil older and got serious (read: my world was rocked) I started bringing around Black dudes.  I’ll admit I was quick judge them and throw in their faces what their *ahem* other brethren did better.  Now I realize that my pain is their pain.  Black men, just like women need to be lifted up.  We each need to stop telling the other how to act, after all we’re not children and we’ve already been raised.  Just love… love and learn… it’s gonna all fall into place one day (I hope).

Gentlemen, do you feel that Black women do a good job or trying to show you that you’re worth something?  Ladies, what about the men?  Do you think dating and expectations have changed much over the past ten years?  What has?  Is it for the good or not?

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6 Responses to “The Black Woman, The Black Man and Y2K10”

  1. Sircherry Says:

    Their is no such thing as a Successful Black Man in America. He may achieve the American dream . Picket fence , dog, wife but inside, the sordid details of how he reached his position, haunts him . Is He a sell-out, is his future secure, do his neighbors respect him. His boss , his co-workser, hell even His wife . Is she faithful to Him. Does he feel better than . We haven’t even scratched the surface of the trials and tribulations of the Black man in America. But do understand this , their is a conspiracy to destroy the Image of the Black Man. Its not about his woman , his kids , his friends, its about Him finding His own identity. if he doesn’t do that , he will always be at war with himslef and no good to any other. Once he finds His identity, watch out, Their nothing more Beautiful than A Proud black Man . You can’t shake him , scare him, buy him off, mislead Him nor separate Him from His GOD. A white mans definition and a Black Mans definition of Success ,is not the same . A Black Man becomes Successful when He becomes comfortable in His Own Skin.

  2. Slim Jackson Says:

    I think this issue of Black women showing Black men that they are worth something is a bigger deal than people probably discuss. Everyone is extremely self-absorbed nowadays and the word “settling” gets thrown around a lot nowadays.

    @sircherry

    I gotta say that similar things could be said about women too. I think a lot of people make life decisions based on the direct and indirect influence of others. i.e. Going to law school just cuz daddy said he wants to have a lawyer daughter, etc.

  3. Peyso Says:

    I was talking to the SO about how many Blah black women that I’ve met. I came to the conclusion that just as many black men try to flaunt their material wealth or accomplishments, many black women do the same. Its like, I dont care what degrees you have and what promotions you’ve gotten because I’ve done the same but can you tell me about the interesting show you saw or album you heard? I’m just starting to think that most people are blah, really corny and lacking much substance.

    I do agree w/ you that we need to start working with each to develop solutions for our problems rather than simply prescribing a blanket solution for what is going on. Black men should not tell black women how to be women and vice versa.

  4. Jac Says:

    Good morning gentlemen.

    First off…welcome back Slim.

    @Sircherry-I do think that all the points you set out are excellent points. I don’t think there’s a historic individual that has had more taken away from him than the black man. In his genetic memory he was taken away from his family, given a new name, but no respect. In 2010, I definitely see the man who is comfy being him….whether he’s hanging on The Hill or on the corner. That is successa.

    @Slimjackson- I saw a lot of people doing things because their parents wanted it. At a very nice PWI…people were waking up saying Mom wanted a doctor but you know what… I am NOT doing it. I think that’s more or less waking up & saying you know what you’re not me. I’m not you. That’s something this generation needs to say to our parents. Then perhaps we could get somewhere…just think how many of us are members of broken homes…then examine why?

    @Peyso-YES! We all got degrees. But have you been to the art museum? A concert? Last movie you saw? We are all brtnging something to each other no need to try the 1-up.

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  6. enyfilms Says:

    In the end some ladies (black)are too inconsistent. They want a 5 star man ready made. I have yet to hear anything about growth. Why can’t she as an undergrad date a black man in a similar role, say a semester removed from school,working period.
    Does he have to be a wall st 3rd year analyst? Clockin hi 5 figures and got there witout a woman, but after he meets You he’ll settle down? Men like gettin down when we aint shit that way we know heck you must like us.(some of the best male to male relationships started when the men had nothing). But todays lady doesn’t wanna hear this. The moment she gets her degree “her guys” best be ready. The flaw in this is except men born into money (bill gates) every sucessful man was dead broke n a joke at the start but he had passion and plan and was progressive. Hell yea that meant while She is outta grad school out there killin it, he is still toiling away in a glacial like pace. But hey the car was called the Model T cuz Ford failed with Models A-S, which meant eat another lousy meal and another stretch of looong days-weeks and include a severe lack of face time with the misses. Todays (some) women have no time for a man like this.I rite now am in a metamorphis stage, pitchin a tv show in one hand, filmin 4 movies this year in the other and my dating life sucks. Even when the ladies realize my film talk aint game they still front. Well I suspect they can’t live with that I am still in the bricks and have no whip. Yet havin a better pad and a car won’t make me happy, nor improve my film making skills, but She would love to tell her friends and fam how I am pickin her up in 550 headin to my loft in Brooklyn Heights. But all that is, is the front. Every couple I know in shambles or single black women griping about being single, dates with this pattern and sees nothing wrong with it.I right now feel weird if my tv show or films blow how all of a sudden I am a catch. What ever happend to growing together?


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