Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Termination Determination February 16, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — cuzzo @ 7:50 am

I hope none of have to go through this and if you’ve been there…I understand all too well. What am I talking about…Abortion.

The more PC term is “termination”. I figure I’m pretty much pro-choice in general but it’s not something I would personally do. I don’t condone abortion as a means of birth control…meaning every time a woman gets pregnant she has an abortion.

Scenarios where I accept abortion without question:



Birth Defects

Complicated Birth (ie. mother or baby might die)

Too Young (I had to come back and edit this one in after hearing on the radio news about an 11-year-old who had a baby …at 11-years old, you’re still a child and really it would be up to her parents)

In your basic “oops” scenario, I can’t do it. I’m only speaking for me…no one else. What anyone else chooses to do…peace be unto them. Once a woman has made up in her heart what she wants to do, you can’t change it. Men, you really have no choice…sorry.

I would like to hear how men feel about this. Would you resent a woman who decided to keep a baby you did not want…or vice versa, terminate the fetus that you were excited about? Do you find it fair or accept that it’s her body and fall back?

All in all, I feel children are a blessing, pregnancy is beautiful, and new life should be celebrated. Planned or unplanned, I don’t want to go through a pregnancy stressed, depressed, and thinking about the what if’s.



14 Responses to “Termination Determination”

  1. Sunny Says:

    My thoughts mirror yours on abortion. I know a few women who have had a few- and I just can’t wrap my head around it. It’s complete irresponsibility. There are too many methods out here that can be used in order to preven pregnancy.

    And yes, men need to be able to have some say on the topic. The baby is half their product.

  2. Smiley Face Says:

    I’m pro-choice…I’m not walking in anybody’s shoes buy my own. I don’t want anyone making any decision for me based on what they would or wouldn’t do so I feel the same way about making such a personal decision for someone else, regardless of the reason.

  3. Peyso Says:

    The law around men’s choice in regards to abortion, in terms of morality, are absurd.

    Here is why: men have no choice when it comes to abortion. If a man doesnt want the child and the woman does, he’s financially liable. If he does and she doesnt, he’s just ass3d out. The argument is that when a man chooses to have sex, he does so w/ a full understanding of the consequences that may result from his actions. He has no choice in the matter. Ultimately, he’s losing control of his body. He cannot use his body the way he intended b/c either: 1) he cant have the baby that he wants 2) he’s forced to work and provide for a baby that he doesnt want.

    Let’s take this scenario and apply it to women and this argument sounds awfully similar to the argument FOR PRO-ABORTION. Those who are pro-choice argue that we have no right to prohibit a women from doing anything w/ their body (this argument is beyond flawed, all humans are limited by law what they can do w/ their bodies eg Suicide is illegal most places). Did the woman not enter into that sexual relationship w/ an understanding of her actions and the possible resulting consequences? This is just a case where being fair to one group is directly unfair to another, so in totality it is unfair. We would be in a huge uproar if this notion was applied to other arenas of life. This is like historical affirmative action.

    Ultimately, I am pro-choice but I am also pro let ppl do what the hell they want provided that those actions do not impinge directly on ppl outside of themselves. I do think that there should be an abortion limit, 2 lifetime abortions (not counting rape, health reasons, etc).

    And to the ppl who argue that abortion should be illegal ALL THE TIME, they are really misinformed. Stupidity is the number one disease in America.

  4. Sunny Says:

    Peyso, I think you are gonna make a great attorney.

  5. Chass Says:

    As someone who has had an abortion,

    It’s a decision that really only YOU have to make. Am I proud of my decision? Of course not. I think that when people think of women who have gotten abortions, they wrongly think of them as being selfish, inconsiderate, etc. Which is not always the case. At least I like to think so with me. When I decided to go through with it, I had to really pray. And pray I did. While I recognized that what I choose to do was a sin, I knew that God is a forgiving God. Only I had to go through the consequences, something in which many don’t think of. Even to this day, I always wonder if I will ever have a chance to conceive again, or if my child will be born with birth defects. After my decision, it was really hard to me to watch the “baby shows” on channels like TLC, because you always wonder.

    I have such respect for women who choose to keep their children. But what about those mothers who have children who can’t love them? Or who resent them because they came “too fast”? Even though I was living the “fast line” for a brief period of time, I knew that I wouldn’t want to raise a child, or bring a child in this world, only to have a lifetime of resentment, or fear. I never wanted my child to not have the mother AND father figure that I had in my life.

    Speaking of fathers,

    To this day, I’m the only one who paid for my abortion. I’m a college student, and I used money out of my scholarship. The guy? Someone who I could never see myself with anymore. At all. Even though I don’t resent him at all, it would be nice if he would pay me back half of the money that it cost. We both consented to the decision. . However, I feel like this is analogous to the type of father he would’ve been: once the relationship was over with me, his relationship with the child would be over. I don’t think that he has ever taken serious responsibility for what happened between us. I’m not asking him to take full blame- just partial.

    The point that I’m trying to make it this- be careful of judging others. You never know the situation that occurred. And never say what you will “never” do, because faced with a situation you have no previous experience with, you really don’t know. I don’t plan on EVER having any other abortions. I’m currently celibate, and I’m heavy on birth control pills. However, I know that if something were to happen- I would keep my child.

    Sorry so long!

  6. Cuzzo Says:

    Thanks for sharing that Chass. I more so fear the what if’s about the child I would not have than my future with a child.

    About me – I was faced with the decision when I was pregnant with my son. I obviously chose not to terminate…wouldn’t change a thing (well sometimes when I have to change a number 2, 🙂 )

    @Peyso – the only way it could be fair is if birth happened outside the body. Or if the process (of termination) was as simple as I dont know getting a shot or taking a pill. But the reality if painstaking…she has to pretty much endure a surgery…albeit small (depending on how far along) but surgery none the less. And the surgical table is not the end…she will bleed thick blood and be in pain for at least a few days after…and the mental and emotional scars go on forever.

  7. @ cuzzo, I think this echos Chass’s post, but I accept abortion as ab option (for others) without question if you are pro-choice. The way I figure it, if a person has come to that choice, it is because she has weighed other options and decided this is the best one for her. I know a few people who have had abortions and there is not ONE of them that can’t say how old their child would be. I think living with that “what if” scenario for a lifetime is judgment enough.

    @ peyso- I think putting a limit on abortions is an interesting thought, because it might mean that people would be having babies that they didn’t want and can’t afford. Could mean some of those same men who didn’t have a choice the first two times would go half off GP (whether he wanted the baby or not). Adoption/foster care could be viable options…but the system prob hurts as many as it helps. Some kids have issues just b/c they can’t get over the fact their (birth) parents didn’t want then,

  8. lapreghiera Says:

    I’m pro-life, regardless of what situation introduces conception, I do believe terminating a pregnancy is a murder and a moral issue.

    That said, you can’t legislate morality – its been tried before (see the entire Old Testament of the Bible). But whats scarier people feel because something is made law, it is somehow right. Like what if it was lawful for whites to catch and lynch a brother on the anniversary of the succession of the south in rebel states. Would that be right cause its a law? That is what Roe v. Wade did.
    The pro-choice argument now is that its a medical issue, its not even hardly argued anymore that a zygote, embryo, fetus is just a “lump of cells” anymore, no one is hiding behind medical lingo anymore – it is a baby/human life. So since we are talking about people, I feel the pro-choice side needs to embrace the other biological half of the fetus, i.e. men, and see what their choice is for their child. If men would have to pay child support if a child is born with their genetics, they should get an opportunity to voice their opinion when a woman is seeking an abortion.

    I had a friend who thought he was going to be a father years ago. For the same reason some give for not having a child – never knowing their fathers/mothers, he was even prepared to propose to his girlfriend to give his child what he didnt. Yeah they were young, in college, but what person in the world is born under “perfect” circumstances that guarantees they will become a productive member of society?
    One day during a conversation about the baby and their future, she flippantly mentioned she had “taken care of it” so he didn’t have to worry. When he asked for clarification, she told him she had gotten an abortion, and that hurt him to his heart and he dumped her then. Not everyone’s situation is the same, but since I believe in the child’s life, I believe both genetic donors should have a say.

  9. Cuzzo Says:

    What the government did do right is give women safe places to carry out the option that they would do anyway. Women used to use hangers to do self-abortions and many died from bleeding or infection.

  10. lapreghiera Says:

    @Cuzzo From Pro-life perspective, that is like Taiwan legalizing the child sex trade and making sure the youths are well fed, clean and healthy, instead of the poor dirty STD infected orphans the perverts travel the 3rd world countries to solicit anyway. Is that right, just because the government is doing it? Legalizing abortion unfortunately increased demand, up until a few years ago for most medical students, even if they were going into brain surgery or dermatology, abortions which is an elective medical procedure in the speciality of OB/Gyn was made mandatory for students to get their degrees. That is like pulling a brain surgeon resident over to the side and saying you need to learn how to do breast augmentation.
    Not to be cold, but there were plenty of doctors available to treat women who felt it necessary to mutilate themselves via the wire hangers, or chemically try to induce abortions after the fact. I believe statistics would show the majority of those incidences fell outside of the criteria where you originally state you were in unquestionable agreement that an abortion if desired was in order i.e. these were just desperate women who got caught. So what the government did was make it easier for them and those that follow to use this procedure as a form of birth control. Is it right, in my opinion, No.

  11. Cuzzo Says:

    @La Preg
    I think you’re really REACHING with these comparisons.

    This is precisely why I posed a question about MEN and their role in the decision making process. What’s moral/immoral….who’s going to hell in a hand basket and what not. The “battle” between pro-lifers and pro-choicers is moot.

    “I feel the pro-choice side needs to embrace the other biological half of the fetus, i.e. men, and see what their choice is for their child. If men would have to pay child support if a child is born with their genetics, they should get an opportunity to voice their opinion when a woman is seeking an abortion.”

    and what about the pro-life side? If the father decides he DOES NOT want you to have the child? What do you do? Still going to have it right? Which is exactly what I said earlier…the men have no real choice.

  12. lapreghiera Says:

    Tried to stay on topic about the men getting rights as well, but obviously thats easier said than done.
    Now that both sides are talking about a living person that it takes an egg & sperm to create, and not just a mass of cells in a womans’ body, there is a better argument for men getting a legal say. There will be opposing viewpoints from the men and women involved. If it results in a tug a war, it would give time for both parties to be counseled on the issue and the plethora of other options available; some could end up with the situation that occurred in the Roe v. Wade case, the pregnancy comes to term, which could jade some parties involved. Another scenario is it will send women back into their bathrooms with wire hangers. There will never be a perfect resolution in this situation, but again, as a genetic contributor a man should be awarded his rights.
    Perhaps considering all these scenarios will encourage people to behave with more maturity and forethought into their sexual behavior.

  13. inkognegro Says:

    Life ain’t fair.

    It ain’t.

    I would love to be more eloquent about it, but thats it in a nutshell.

    Men and women have sex. Conception occurs.

    The amount of options available to the man VASTLY outnumber the number of options available to the woman.

    Therefore, the amount of Rights the woman has in the choice VASTLY outweighs the amount of Rights that the man has in the choice.

    Neither situation is fair…Both situations are accurate.

    And they don’t even Balance. But thats how the world is.

  14. Eb Says:

    Me and a close friend had a huge argument about this in college… She had 3.. yes I said 3… 2 with the same guy and they later on with another dude… I believe you should have a choice too so even though I would never do it… I understood why she did after the 1st one… but when she did it a second time I laid into her good and him. They were both being extremely irresponsible. I was beyond pissed.

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