*If you haven’t noticed already, my goal is to entitle every post I write with a word that starts with “U.” Its my own little game of scattergories, flow with me. 🙂 *Last week, I went to this town hall-like discussion on Black Love and Relationships held by our local chapter of The Urban League’s Thursday Network. This is a group up smart, talented, and motivated young professional African-Americans some to bougie for my taste- who are making strides on impacting our communities around us. I encourage you to check out your local group. The black love panel included a pastor and his wife, a psychologist, and two professional matchmakers.The discussion went on as they usually do about black love. One of the matchmakers is a single woman who gave advice to single women to go where men hang out, smile, be approachable, yet be particular on who you spend your time with. Good advice, right? But I take issue with the encouragement to be “particular” in your choices of eligible men. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying don’t have standards for your mate or want a certain criteria met before you consider them a mate, I just suggest that we re-evaluate what makes a man a good candidate for our love and devotion. It is true what countless other bloggers and writers have stated~ (generally) every professional and driven black woman wants the same prototype of black man. He’s equally as educated, driven, and successful. You know him, he’s a power broker by day and a thug at night. (My reverse take of lady in the streets and freak in the bed, lol)This man does exist and many of you have him, but oh yeah, did I mention that the sista matchmaker was SINGLE. I find it a little hard to take love advice from someone who is single and not in a successful relationship. How can you tell me, if you are not living it? I’m not knocking her, but does anyone else think this way? If those methods of finding men work, wouldn’t you have one? #imjustsayingI’m a Christian and have always took solace in hearing true dialogues about the realities of dating, love, and marriage. Those generations before us weren’t caught up these lists of traits that their mate must possess in order to consider them suitable. Courtship was a period to learning the core foundation of the that person and seeing if this was someone with a vision they could support and see themselves in forever. It didn’t matter the job title or average salary, it was about his work ethic and ability to manage what resources he did have. The pastor on the panel made several good points. One that has stayed with me is this concept of compromising in a relationship. Compromising has a negative connotation, it usually means that one person is giving up something for another and expects something back in return. He suggested that we don’t want someone who just compromises for us, but someone who will sacrifice for us. Sacrifice in this context means that someone gives in to their partner’s desire ins pite of their own wants, because they love them and want to make him/her happy. In by making their partner happy, they are happy and satisfied.What are some of the real and unreal love advice you have heard about love, dating, and marriage? Did it help? Got any you want to share?
Unreal Love March 5, 2010