Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Ink-Stained Mondays : More than a Pretty Face March 15, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 9:16 am
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As someone who has made a living watching people date (and mate) for the past 20 years, I have had a front row seat for the evolution of dating.  A particularly fascinating turn of events is the this notion that just being fine is enough for men.

*record skip*

Once upon a time, when a man took a woman who was viewed as an Extremely Attractive woman out on a date, there was a chance you would get a statue.  A vision of lovliness who is a joy to behold, but not particularly interested in engaging a date, but loathe to turn down the free food.

But hey, They Fine.  So, Dudes, being the visual creatures we are purported to be, Let that slide. We Endure boredom for the sake of the arm candy of it all.

Is this to say that all Pretty women are boring?  Don’t be SILLY.  But many are.

And the more classically Beautiful they are…the more*shrug* worthy they can be.

And for y’all dudes that love them Hot and Boring, God Bless You. More cool women for me.

But this isn’t what today’s post is about.

TODAY’S Post is about how Women have, in the course of embodying a more male style of dating, seemed to start making the same mistakes men make.

Got these dudes walking around thinking their sole responsibility is to be fine.

And MAYBE pay the bill.

Let me know how that works out for y’all.

Because THAT isn’t even working out for dudes, these days.

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Ink Stained Mondays 7: Beware the Ides of February February 15, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 3:36 am
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(although I’ve found out that the Ides of February is actually the 13th, I am going to have to cling to my previous ignorance and press forward)

So…Today is the Fifteenth of February. At some point the vast majority of you will find yourselves pondering.

And you may be asking yourself: Self? Is it worth it?

Was it worth the money?

Worth the time?

Worth the hassle?

Worth the inconvenience?

Did you get what you were looking for?

If you are not able to answer at least one or two of those in the affirmative you need to re-evaluate some stuff.  Take a few Valentine’s Days off maybe.

Check on your Hustle and see if your reaping and your sowing is matching up.

Because honestly?

If you are in a relationship and your Valentine Day isn’t working out like you would like it to, then you are probably making mistakes the OTHER days of the year.

If you aren’t in a relationship and you are out doing the most on VD then you may wanna ponder a new hobby.  Celebrating Valentine’s Day is usually best left to people who are positive they want to spend time together.

Absolutely Positive.

Let’s do better folks.  When you set yourselves up for bad dates on Valentine’s Day, it only magnifies degree of the fail.

Stop doing that to yourselves.

Please and Thank you.

 

Ink-Stained Mondays #7 – The Way Forward January 11, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 11:01 am
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In a world where so much is said and so comparatively little is done, why in the world would I start an Internet Talk Show?

On top of that, why would my FIRST show be about Black men and Black women and their issues?  Didn’t EVERYONE do that Last Week?

Because if its raining M&Ms, and I have a bag full of skittles, that’s why.

If I honestly thought I had nothing new to offer the conversation, my partner and I would have chosen something else.

Like The rising price of Aluminum Siding, for instance.

Sooooooo, that little tidbit put to the side, we press forward, in an effort to add some skittles to a mountain of M&Ms.

Tonight’s episode will start from a standpoint of the issues surrounding whether or not Black Women are a problem or have a problem finding  happiness.

As I’ve delved way too deeply into this situation, I find myself thinking that this isn’t REALLY what the problem is.

Oh, WE’VE got problems, Those just aren’t them.

What are the problems?

You tell me, single Black woman.  What ARE your problems?

I am reading, and I will address each and every one of them tonight.

 

Shut Up and Pass the Yams November 24, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 11:19 am
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I am a huge fan of Thanksgiving. 

Yeah, I know, Not exactly how it is supposed to be for hyper Political Negroes like me.

While I am quick to jump on the mythology and lies that are perpetrated in the name of American Exceptionalism, I have always had a soft spot for Thanksgiving.

I mean, sure, if Joe Pilgrim went and raped and pillaged the Native Americans as soon as the Itis set in and then covered it up with some sob story about scalping and Indian Rain-dances then I might be inclined to pass.

The reality is, people are ungrateful bastards who really should look into giving thanks whenever the opportunity presents itself, the politics of the day notwithstanding.

I will take this opportunity to be thankful for all the clicheish thigns in life that people should be thankful for.

I would be more thankful but I am not feeling very thankful right this second. I am sure I will be much more thankful when I get off work on Thanksgiving.

In the meantime, I would like to give thanks for being born Black and raised under the wonders of Afro-Centric Thanksgiving.

Except for Chitlins and relatives who show up late with integral parts of the meal. That is some bullshit and y’all need to stop.

I am positive I would be more indifferent to Thanksgiving if I came from a family that did Pumpkin Pie and not Sweet Potato Pie.

All y’all dudes crowing about white women remember thanksgiving in your calculations…I know my brother in law wishes he had. I wish I would walk into a house that didn’t have the smell of Sweet Potato Pie and the sound of Bad Detroit Lions Football.

 

Sorry, No Stalgia Allowed. November 12, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 3:00 am
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Nostalgia is a seductive liar.  ~George Wildman Ball

 

In Tuesday’s post, I invoked the term Dinosaur.  I realize I didn’t do proper diligence to defining that term and Intended to devote today to outlining the length and breadth of the term.

Dinosaurs Are Creatures of the past.  Creatures born to rule in a certain period of time.  A periend where men were men, women were women, and sheep were nervous.  The rules were clear,

Men: Win Bread. Retrieve Bacon

Women: Make Home. Receive Bacon, and Fry it in a pan.

 

Men: Keeper of Castle

Women: Kept in Castle

 

Men: Slayer of Dragons

Women: Baker of cookies

 

As the story goes, these were the good old days.  Men NEVER left the house.  EVERYONE had Ward Cleaver Huxtable  And Donna June  Huxtable at home and if your kids came out screwed up, it had to have been because you didn’t love them enough and let them run the streets like the folks in the projects did.

 

And Papa was a Rolling Stone was a song about How Daddy used to Carry Mick Jagger’s bags before he came home to raise a family.

 

I refuse to believe that Papa was a Rolling Stone became a huge hit as some kind of a Fantastic inverse fairy tale.  The song resonated for many folks.

Yes….many of you will run over timid woodland creatures to comment about how fabulous YOUR family was.

and how long your Mom and Dad were married.

and how Your Dad Walked on water and your Mom washed his feet with her hair, and liked it.

And to that I say.  You, Sir/Ma’am, are Fortunate and blessed beyond measure.

The reality is the Black family in America is an Immaculate conception.

 

That we have ANY family heritage, ANY tradition of ANY kind, other than that akin to a team of horses, is a miracle on a par with the virgin birth.

The Black family was BORN broken and purposely left out to die byt the AnteBellum Society that sought to build an economy on its back.  It has limped along and fought for its survival, in the face of unspeakable odds.

In order to heal the enduring birth defects that the Black family still suffers, first we must avoid the tendency to act like the problem is somehow recent.  There has been a worsening of the circumstances that fit perfectly into the narrative that goes back to Jamestown (first one of you to usher the name of Willie Lynch into this narrative gets a one way ticket to time out)

This whole part of the game where we Yearn for Yesterday is wack – ESPECIALLY for a people whose freedom is tenuous and embryonic on a good day.

Any fond moments of yesteryear come from sporadic triumphs of the will and the grace of God (how much of which depends on how hard you go in on Saturday/Sunday)

Dinosaurs existed to guide through a period in our history…a period which appears to have long since passed.

 

Let them roam the earth in peace in their twilight years…Please do not act like The Dinosaurs have a future.  They do not.


 

No Babies, Ever, Ever, Ever… November 1, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 8:33 pm
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ADMIN NOTE:  You’ll notice lots of new faces popping up here at SSSO… Today welcome DCDatingDiva!

Babies are the Devil?

 

I don’t think I want children. Ever. However this past weekend, I found myself looking at all of the infants being pushed around in strollers, being carried kangaroo style by loving mommies and daddies, and I seen the absolutely cutest pint-sixed Halloween costumes. Then I thought to myself:

“Aweeee, how cute, could I do that?”….

I know after the newness wears off, I’d be faced with piles of dirty diapers, feedings, 3am screaming at the top of the lung wake-up calls, and no ME time and let me be honest, I LOVE my me time.

When I meet guys, especially new guys, they are floored at the fact that I’m pushing 30, and do not have not one midget diva running around. Then I politely say or rather yell. “Hell no, not me….uhhhh un, nope, nadda”.  Some guys find it funny, others make promises that “I will carry their seedlings” (and I make mental note to self, do not return his call), an ex said it was a deal breaker and someone that I’ve been dating on & off for the last, insert number of years here, has made a few statements in passing about me being a good mother. Which, over time, I’m sure I could be a good one, but I think I make a better “Auntie”, cause I can sugar them up and send them home.  I have yet to discover a rent-a-baby.

I know there are some people who really, really want kids, and give me the side-eye, once the topic comes up and I rebuke it. I’m not a monster. In fact, it’s best that I don’t have any children and I wish the “bad” parents would have analyzed it the way I did before they got knocked up or done the knocking up.

Other Reasons Why Tots Are Not For Me:

  • I love sleeping in
  • I love vacationing, preferably at places that have age restrictions. I don’t want to be around your children while I’m on vacation
  • I love shopping and not having to worry about if the little rug-rat has to potty, breastfeed, be escorted to the potty…you get the point
  • I like having the option of just going. If I want to pack my bags & move, or take a last-minute trip somewhere I can do that
  • I can’t see myself having kids with any guys I currently know or have known in the past
  • Money. Enough said
  • I think pregnant women are adorable, however, giving up all things I love for 9 months is not sexy

So what do you say family? Do you see children in your future, why or why not?

 

Don’t Put A Ring On It-Guest Post August 31, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 10:00 pm
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Today we’ll be enjoying a guest post from the love DCDatingDiva…Enjoy!

So recently, I was out and about in D.C., enjoying the nightlife and my yummy concoction of vodka mixed with Nuvo (hey it was on special for $5.00, sue me), so anyways, this guy starts up a conversation with me. After awhile, <strike>I’m bored with him</strike> ready to stop talking and just chill. He is not taking the hint, as I say I’m waiting on my “friends”. He scoots his stool a little bit closer. I lean away a little bit, but the music is now blaring and Mr. Not Getting The Point is still trying to converse. Normally, I would make up some lame excuse and walk away, but two things kept my butt planted right there on that barstool 1) I did not feel like standing and 2) my friends were sitting outside, trying to “see and be seen” and that is not my MO.

My friend sends me a text to see where I’m at. I respond quickly and tell her to come to the bar. Mr. Not Getting The Point is still talking to me. I think he see’s I’ve kinda shut down, and is now saying maybe “we” should go dance or check out another bar. I tell him, I’m hanging with my friends tonight, and am waiting on them, but the clueless dude tool is still chatting it up. My wing-girl finally comes up and I introduce them. She sits on the opposite side of me and I turn and start talking to her.

(Side Note: Mr. Not Getting The Point is still trying to yell pointless banter over the music)

So I tell my chick friend that she can’t go back outside, at least for a min, that Mr. Not Getting The Point is annoying me.

Chick Friend: that’s why I wear a fake wedding ring, you should wear one?

Me: Why, would I do that? Then people I actually want to talk to will see I have a wedding ring on, that’s stupid?

So our conversation brings me to my point. Why are you wearing a “fake wedding ring”? Do you still do it, have you done it in the past? Could you have potentially scared off the “man/woman” of your dreams, cause you had a “fake ring on it”. Hell, you might as well go all out and have a “fake wedding too!”

Diva

(Not a Proponent of the “fake” Ring On It)