Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Ink-Stained Mondays : You Got a Friend March 22, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 8:22 am
Tags: , , ,

AUTHOR’s NOTE: I totally get that this is a women’s blog.  But I see y’all dudes out here lurking on the periphery.  This is for you.

Ladies? Send it to a man who needs to read it.  You know you know at least ONE.

I am 82 days short of my 40th Birthday.

As I approach said magical day, it is becoming apparent I need to step my mentoring game or something.

I was watching I Love You, Man yesterday, while waiting for history to shake itself out.

I took a pass on it in the theaters partly because I LIVED The movie but mostly because I have kinda grown weary of the whole Apatow/Paul Rudd/New wave White R- rated comedy thing.  Seen one, seen them all.

I am starting to have regrets though.  Not because I feel like I missed out on having Male friends, so much as I feel like men missed out on having a friend like me.

Someone to tell them it’s okay to be themselves and not some cardboard cut out of the man Madison avenue produces for you.

Someone to tell them that Fucking every girl in the world isn’t exactly a life goal to aspire to, even metaphorically.

Someone to tell them that just because you want to fuck every attractive woman you meet doesn’t mean you love women.

Someone to tell them that it is entirely possible to view women outside the context of a potential sex partner.

Someone to tell them that being a man is 360 degrees of existence.  Mind-body-and-soul

Someone to tell them that they would be surprised what they could learn from a woman if they weren’t trying to get under their skirt so hard.

I know I come off kinda know-it-all ish and aloof, but thats mostly because I know how y’all act when dudes don’t fit in your narrow little boxes.

But if you’re willing to Break out of that box.  Im here for you.

Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.

It is a beautiful world when you break out of that narrow confining box and Stretch out to be a whole man, as opposed to that stereotype you’re living.

It isn’t easy, though.  I never really lived it, but I can tell it’s a difficult path to go from Pinocchio to a real boy.

If you want it…I am here for you.

Otherwise….Keep it moving and try not to say anything stupid around me, Because I Will clown you.


Ink-Stained Mondays : More than a Pretty Face March 15, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 9:16 am
Tags: , ,

As someone who has made a living watching people date (and mate) for the past 20 years, I have had a front row seat for the evolution of dating.  A particularly fascinating turn of events is the this notion that just being fine is enough for men.

*record skip*

Once upon a time, when a man took a woman who was viewed as an Extremely Attractive woman out on a date, there was a chance you would get a statue.  A vision of lovliness who is a joy to behold, but not particularly interested in engaging a date, but loathe to turn down the free food.

But hey, They Fine.  So, Dudes, being the visual creatures we are purported to be, Let that slide. We Endure boredom for the sake of the arm candy of it all.

Is this to say that all Pretty women are boring?  Don’t be SILLY.  But many are.

And the more classically Beautiful they are…the more*shrug* worthy they can be.

And for y’all dudes that love them Hot and Boring, God Bless You. More cool women for me.

But this isn’t what today’s post is about.

TODAY’S Post is about how Women have, in the course of embodying a more male style of dating, seemed to start making the same mistakes men make.

Got these dudes walking around thinking their sole responsibility is to be fine.

And MAYBE pay the bill.

Let me know how that works out for y’all.

Because THAT isn’t even working out for dudes, these days.


Ink Stained Mondays – Knowing a Tree By its Roots March 8, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 9:06 am
Tags: , ,

While a considerable portion of who I am is directly attributable to my father, I am my mother’s child.

I am the Direct result of my mother and her choices.

She didn’t spit me out, I don’t look a whole lot like her, I don’t even act a whole lot like her.

But my temperament, my way of handling stress, my parenting style, my moral code, all came from her.

And I am pretty cool with that.

I haven’t always Put into practice the life, lessons she has taught me, but She never hesitates to tell me that she is happy with her handywork.

That I didn’t take the path she tried to lay out, but That I am probably the better for it.

The best lesson my mother ever taught me?

That She isn’t the only woman I need to respect off top.

My mother isn’t the card carrying feminist type, but she takes the humanity of women SERIOUSLY.

THAT lesson she passed to my brother and I and it took.

Not a whole lot of Gloria Steinem, Not a whole lot of bell hooks (I got that on my own), Just some Common sense that you should learn from Spending your childhood watching a woman demand equality and respect for her and all the women around her.

Those kinds of lessons are learned best from your mother starting from the crib.

Thanks, Mom, I love you.


From Sit-Ins to Put Downs: Know Your Role March 4, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 12:06 am
Tags: , ,

Of all the lessons that I have learned as a server for the past 20 years, easily the most poignant has always been the necessity of respecting those whom you serve and understanding the role you are supposed to play in their experience. When you evaluate the relationship between a server and his customer it should be clear where the hierarchy lies.What greatly complicates this relationship is when the individual doing the serving, for reasons of white privilege or reasons of class or reasons of just general snobbishness view themselves as being incapable of subordinating themselves to their guests.

As someone who frequently trains servers for service, I always like to make a point of bringing these kinds of issues up to my trainees in order forthemto  understand the unique challenges they are they are going to face in dealing with an African-American clientele.

When I first started trying to get peace messages across a was met with a lot of pushback.

“People are people”

“I don’t understand what the difference is”

“I don’t see color”

“why are they so sensitive?”

Customarily when I hear responses like this my initial impulse is to just throw up my hands and let them or succeed to a lesser extent than they could on their own, or just fail outright

I wish it wasn’t this way. As much as I’d even love to say that the situation never happened to me, alas I cannot. At the end of the day, there are certain truisms that cannot be escaped.

  1. Some people are bound to be offended
  2. some people have every right to be offended based upon the customer profiling and constant experiences they have
  3. the ability to treat each and every guest as independent people without prejudging is the most valuable skill you can acquire
  4. acquiring skill #3 will serve you in value in every facet of your life

Before you comment on this post I want to go back and think about your service experiences in the past. What exactly happened the last time you received a poor dining experience?

How did you respond?

Did you speak to management if so what was their response?

Do you feel like your issues were properly received?

What I would do in next week’s post, I will take a selection of your comments and address them individually giving insight as to how it is things could have been done differently on the part of both parties.

Thank you for your time. See you in two weeks


Ink Stained Mondays 8: Snark Addiction? Yup. February 22, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 10:53 am
Tags: , ,

I used to take great pride in my level of connection.  Despite being a full time student, with a Family and a Fulltime Job, not a lot gets past me.

Lately, I have been Wishing I was less connected.

This whole thing where people Indulge their snark and indulge in Criticism of things that people don’t like.  ALL DAY LONG.

It has become a form of entertainment to denigrate.  So much so people watch people they CLAIM they wouldn’t spit on if they were on fire on TV for the express purpose of criticizing their every move.

Now MANY folks employ snark as their stock and trade.  That is how they get down.  Online and Off.  They are acutely aware that EVERYONE loves a dogpile, so long as they are not the ones on the bottom. That is part of the game, and I make a habit of avoiding the knocking of another folk’s hustle. 

The rest of you?  The joiners and those who just kinda see a pile form and decide you might wanna jump on?  You do know what you’re doing, right?

That’s a whole lotta negativity ya got there.  You know that stuff is highly contagious, right? 

The more time you spend clowning and generally being negative, the more your spirit tends to feed off that. 

Think I’m playing? 

Watch your mood when you snark. 

Watch how negativity makes you feel…not so much good, but content. 

Watch how you go LOOKING for stuff to snark on…and how disappointed you get when the snark doesn’t just flow immediately.

If you find yourself passing up on stuff you LIKE to seek things you KNOW you won’t just so you can feed your snark monster?  Then you have some issues with snark. 

Don’t get defensive right away, observe yourself FIRST…well revisit this next Monday. 

You know what they say about hit dogs…


From Sit-Ins to Put Downs: Why Dining Matters February 18, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 2:51 am
Tags: ,

Whether you

*swing through the drive-through at McDonald’s for a Royale with Cheese,

*Hit the buffet at Random Quasi-Asian (middle of the strip mall next to the Beauty Supply and the impromptu H&R Block office)Super  Buffet

*Hit down for your fix of random pre-fabricated Applebee/Friday’s/Bennigan’s

*Take a stroll down memory land for what USED to be fine dining for common folk, Red Lobster or Olive Garden

*Or if you, like me, get your anti chain restaurant on with any number of singular dining experiences

*Or if you get your white tablecloth sommelier and chef’s table on

We all like to get our eat on and let someone else cook and clean.

In the 21st century, with more and more two income households, the notion of a traditional family dinner is virtually impossible.

With every advance in technology and alteration in personal priorities, dining out is becoming less and less of a luxury.

Add to that the simply jawdropping number of choices and you have a completely different industry from 20 years ago.

The explosion of the restaurant industry has opened up opportunities and challenges in the Black community.  With each passing year, it becomes apparent that while it is clear that the Black dining market is growing, the level of respect that it commands is not growing at the same pace.

Think for a moment about how much you spend every month on food that you don’t have to prepare and you will rapidly understand how much dining out matters.

When was the last time you got through an ENTIRE day eating food that was prepared by private individuals?


What happens in that business matters to you whether you work in that business or not.  It would help you immensely if you understood it better.


Ink Stained Mondays 7: Beware the Ides of February February 15, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 3:36 am
Tags: , , , ,

(although I’ve found out that the Ides of February is actually the 13th, I am going to have to cling to my previous ignorance and press forward)

So…Today is the Fifteenth of February. At some point the vast majority of you will find yourselves pondering.

And you may be asking yourself: Self? Is it worth it?

Was it worth the money?

Worth the time?

Worth the hassle?

Worth the inconvenience?

Did you get what you were looking for?

If you are not able to answer at least one or two of those in the affirmative you need to re-evaluate some stuff.  Take a few Valentine’s Days off maybe.

Check on your Hustle and see if your reaping and your sowing is matching up.

Because honestly?

If you are in a relationship and your Valentine Day isn’t working out like you would like it to, then you are probably making mistakes the OTHER days of the year.

If you aren’t in a relationship and you are out doing the most on VD then you may wanna ponder a new hobby.  Celebrating Valentine’s Day is usually best left to people who are positive they want to spend time together.

Absolutely Positive.

Let’s do better folks.  When you set yourselves up for bad dates on Valentine’s Day, it only magnifies degree of the fail.

Stop doing that to yourselves.

Please and Thank you.