Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Ink-Stained Mondays : You Got a Friend March 22, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 8:22 am
Tags: , , ,

AUTHOR’s NOTE: I totally get that this is a women’s blog.  But I see y’all dudes out here lurking on the periphery.  This is for you.

Ladies? Send it to a man who needs to read it.  You know you know at least ONE.

I am 82 days short of my 40th Birthday.

As I approach said magical day, it is becoming apparent I need to step my mentoring game or something.

I was watching I Love You, Man yesterday, while waiting for history to shake itself out.

I took a pass on it in the theaters partly because I LIVED The movie but mostly because I have kinda grown weary of the whole Apatow/Paul Rudd/New wave White R- rated comedy thing.  Seen one, seen them all.

I am starting to have regrets though.  Not because I feel like I missed out on having Male friends, so much as I feel like men missed out on having a friend like me.

Someone to tell them it’s okay to be themselves and not some cardboard cut out of the man Madison avenue produces for you.

Someone to tell them that Fucking every girl in the world isn’t exactly a life goal to aspire to, even metaphorically.

Someone to tell them that just because you want to fuck every attractive woman you meet doesn’t mean you love women.

Someone to tell them that it is entirely possible to view women outside the context of a potential sex partner.

Someone to tell them that being a man is 360 degrees of existence.  Mind-body-and-soul

Someone to tell them that they would be surprised what they could learn from a woman if they weren’t trying to get under their skirt so hard.

I know I come off kinda know-it-all ish and aloof, but thats mostly because I know how y’all act when dudes don’t fit in your narrow little boxes.

But if you’re willing to Break out of that box.  Im here for you.

Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.

It is a beautiful world when you break out of that narrow confining box and Stretch out to be a whole man, as opposed to that stereotype you’re living.

It isn’t easy, though.  I never really lived it, but I can tell it’s a difficult path to go from Pinocchio to a real boy.

If you want it…I am here for you.

Otherwise….Keep it moving and try not to say anything stupid around me, Because I Will clown you.


Ink Stained Mondays – Knowing a Tree By its Roots March 8, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 9:06 am
Tags: , ,

While a considerable portion of who I am is directly attributable to my father, I am my mother’s child.

I am the Direct result of my mother and her choices.

She didn’t spit me out, I don’t look a whole lot like her, I don’t even act a whole lot like her.

But my temperament, my way of handling stress, my parenting style, my moral code, all came from her.

And I am pretty cool with that.

I haven’t always Put into practice the life, lessons she has taught me, but She never hesitates to tell me that she is happy with her handywork.

That I didn’t take the path she tried to lay out, but That I am probably the better for it.

The best lesson my mother ever taught me?

That She isn’t the only woman I need to respect off top.

My mother isn’t the card carrying feminist type, but she takes the humanity of women SERIOUSLY.

THAT lesson she passed to my brother and I and it took.

Not a whole lot of Gloria Steinem, Not a whole lot of bell hooks (I got that on my own), Just some Common sense that you should learn from Spending your childhood watching a woman demand equality and respect for her and all the women around her.

Those kinds of lessons are learned best from your mother starting from the crib.

Thanks, Mom, I love you.


Ink Stained Mondays 7: Beware the Ides of February February 15, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 3:36 am
Tags: , , , ,

(although I’ve found out that the Ides of February is actually the 13th, I am going to have to cling to my previous ignorance and press forward)

So…Today is the Fifteenth of February. At some point the vast majority of you will find yourselves pondering.

And you may be asking yourself: Self? Is it worth it?

Was it worth the money?

Worth the time?

Worth the hassle?

Worth the inconvenience?

Did you get what you were looking for?

If you are not able to answer at least one or two of those in the affirmative you need to re-evaluate some stuff.  Take a few Valentine’s Days off maybe.

Check on your Hustle and see if your reaping and your sowing is matching up.

Because honestly?

If you are in a relationship and your Valentine Day isn’t working out like you would like it to, then you are probably making mistakes the OTHER days of the year.

If you aren’t in a relationship and you are out doing the most on VD then you may wanna ponder a new hobby.  Celebrating Valentine’s Day is usually best left to people who are positive they want to spend time together.

Absolutely Positive.

Let’s do better folks.  When you set yourselves up for bad dates on Valentine’s Day, it only magnifies degree of the fail.

Stop doing that to yourselves.

Please and Thank you.


Ink Stained Mondays- Love Conquers All February 8, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 11:09 am
Tags: , , ,

And now…some Poetry.  Sorta.

Part of the nature of being human is that  that attracts those who have been pushed down and had their lunch money taken by love is that you realize how much of a bully love is.

Love knows you need it.

Love knows that despite your superhuman feats in your career, you are predisposed to love another person, whether family or stranger.

At the very moment you believe yourself incapable of taking another step down the road that leads to love, you see something that inspires you.

You hear THAT song

You smell THAT cologne

You see THAT movie

You go to THAT restaurant

The Nostalgia rolls through like the Tide

You want that feeling again…and no memory of the pain you used to feel will overcome those instantaneous moments where it all just clicked.

You say to yourself, no.

I’m tired of losing.

I’m tired of being used and abused

I don’t NEED love to be happy.

Maybe you don’t.

But you want it…you know you do.

Because THAT feeling is singular.

You can’t fake it.

You can’t simulate it in an avalanche of sex and debauchery.

You can’t bury it under your work.

That desire will never go away.

It is what it is.

You are who you are.

Stop fighting it.  It’s as natural as breathing

Just be patient and don’t try to get love to be what it isn’t or do what it can’t.


The Measurement of a Man January 25, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 10:11 am
Tags: , ,

One of the most curious things about being a man is learning what being a man is all about.  I am edging up on 40 this June and I am never short on the number of answers that are available.

Being a man is speaking up for what you believe in.  That’s it. 

I really, really need people to let boys grow up on their own terms.  It is clear that the Old rules are NOT working. 

Not me, Not mine.  I ain’t gonna be able to do it.  And I won’t.

If you have sons, let them be themselves.  Teach them to rise and Fall on their own Merits and their own perceptions. 

Being a man is being the strong, silent type.

Being a man is Loving women

Being a man is Money over….well, you get the point.

For the vast majority of us, we are bombarded with contradictory notions of what makes up a man.  The very things that are poured into our spirits at birth as the pinnacle of manliness are things that are branded as immature and sophomoric.

Way before I got into the whole Inkognegro the Scribe Schtick, I have constantly mused on what it is that MAKES a man a man.

Growing up, what I was taught (turn the other cheek, in order to be a leader of all you must be a servant of all) never squared with what I experienced on the outisde.

Friday was a REALLY tough day for me.  For a brief moment, it all seemed like it was coming apart.

That evening I was on twitter and A female friend of mine was expressing how she had pulled herself out of a Nervous breakdown largely by verbalizing that she chose life.

It stopped me cold.

” I choose Life”  is a powerful statement, when you actually take it beyond sloganeering and Put it in practice.

But seriously…will “manhood” allow that kind of a statement to be made?


Substitute Teacher Time January 22, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 10:45 am
Tags: , ,

I got a call and Here I am.

Do I have anything for you today?  Yes.  You don’t want it, though.

There was a time where I would literally pour my brain out on the page and Click Publish. 

No more. 

I cannot do that. 

My mission in life is to Leave every place in my life in more clarity than how I found it. 

If I cannot Concisely and effectively communicate what is on my mind, I will not attempt to communicate it. 

What would be the point? Waste a bunch of fine and pretty words and have you walk away with nada?  Not how I roll, Pimpin.

In 2010, My goal is to be clear.  Maybe not so concise, but DEFINITELY clear.

That’s my goal.  That is what the Business is for me.

It’s been three weeks, What is the Business for you in 2010, REALLY?


Ink-Stained Mondays #7 – The Way Forward January 11, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 11:01 am
Tags: , , , ,

In a world where so much is said and so comparatively little is done, why in the world would I start an Internet Talk Show?

On top of that, why would my FIRST show be about Black men and Black women and their issues?  Didn’t EVERYONE do that Last Week?

Because if its raining M&Ms, and I have a bag full of skittles, that’s why.

If I honestly thought I had nothing new to offer the conversation, my partner and I would have chosen something else.

Like The rising price of Aluminum Siding, for instance.

Sooooooo, that little tidbit put to the side, we press forward, in an effort to add some skittles to a mountain of M&Ms.

Tonight’s episode will start from a standpoint of the issues surrounding whether or not Black Women are a problem or have a problem finding  happiness.

As I’ve delved way too deeply into this situation, I find myself thinking that this isn’t REALLY what the problem is.

Oh, WE’VE got problems, Those just aren’t them.

What are the problems?

You tell me, single Black woman.  What ARE your problems?

I am reading, and I will address each and every one of them tonight.