Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Ink-Stained Mondays : You Got a Friend March 22, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 8:22 am
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AUTHOR’s NOTE: I totally get that this is a women’s blog.  But I see y’all dudes out here lurking on the periphery.  This is for you.

Ladies? Send it to a man who needs to read it.  You know you know at least ONE.

I am 82 days short of my 40th Birthday.

As I approach said magical day, it is becoming apparent I need to step my mentoring game or something.

I was watching I Love You, Man yesterday, while waiting for history to shake itself out.

I took a pass on it in the theaters partly because I LIVED The movie but mostly because I have kinda grown weary of the whole Apatow/Paul Rudd/New wave White R- rated comedy thing.  Seen one, seen them all.

I am starting to have regrets though.  Not because I feel like I missed out on having Male friends, so much as I feel like men missed out on having a friend like me.

Someone to tell them it’s okay to be themselves and not some cardboard cut out of the man Madison avenue produces for you.

Someone to tell them that Fucking every girl in the world isn’t exactly a life goal to aspire to, even metaphorically.

Someone to tell them that just because you want to fuck every attractive woman you meet doesn’t mean you love women.

Someone to tell them that it is entirely possible to view women outside the context of a potential sex partner.

Someone to tell them that being a man is 360 degrees of existence.  Mind-body-and-soul

Someone to tell them that they would be surprised what they could learn from a woman if they weren’t trying to get under their skirt so hard.

I know I come off kinda know-it-all ish and aloof, but thats mostly because I know how y’all act when dudes don’t fit in your narrow little boxes.

But if you’re willing to Break out of that box.  Im here for you.

Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.

It is a beautiful world when you break out of that narrow confining box and Stretch out to be a whole man, as opposed to that stereotype you’re living.

It isn’t easy, though.  I never really lived it, but I can tell it’s a difficult path to go from Pinocchio to a real boy.

If you want it…I am here for you.

Otherwise….Keep it moving and try not to say anything stupid around me, Because I Will clown you.


Who’s Really The Prize March 18, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 12:01 am
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Recently I met a new gentleman.

We’ve gone on to dinner, had drinks, even kicked it at the club… He keeps telling me:

“You ain’t ready for all this.”

Now… One night I snapped off & asked him what the eff he meant by that. He just said… “You ain’t ready shawty.”


I’m a he!l of a woman & I need a he!l of man. He’ont know my life! Anyways, I digress.

Fast forward to two days ago at work, a female co-worker walked by & a male co-worker walked behind her & said “She ain’t ready for all this.”

WHAT?!?! Now my aunt always talks to me about the mythical silver dipped and platinum tipped man… You know the ones that get you all wrapped up. Well yeah…. None of these men are all that.

So here’s my question… Are women so desperate that we’ve accepted these trifling men to the point they think what they’ve gotten is exceptional? Furthermore, I am DYING to know just what it is we women are NOT ready for?

Trust… I’ve got an opinion, but I’ma keep this one to myself this time.

Your thoughts?


Ink-Stained Mondays : More than a Pretty Face March 15, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 9:16 am
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As someone who has made a living watching people date (and mate) for the past 20 years, I have had a front row seat for the evolution of dating.  A particularly fascinating turn of events is the this notion that just being fine is enough for men.

*record skip*

Once upon a time, when a man took a woman who was viewed as an Extremely Attractive woman out on a date, there was a chance you would get a statue.  A vision of lovliness who is a joy to behold, but not particularly interested in engaging a date, but loathe to turn down the free food.

But hey, They Fine.  So, Dudes, being the visual creatures we are purported to be, Let that slide. We Endure boredom for the sake of the arm candy of it all.

Is this to say that all Pretty women are boring?  Don’t be SILLY.  But many are.

And the more classically Beautiful they are…the more*shrug* worthy they can be.

And for y’all dudes that love them Hot and Boring, God Bless You. More cool women for me.

But this isn’t what today’s post is about.

TODAY’S Post is about how Women have, in the course of embodying a more male style of dating, seemed to start making the same mistakes men make.

Got these dudes walking around thinking their sole responsibility is to be fine.

And MAYBE pay the bill.

Let me know how that works out for y’all.

Because THAT isn’t even working out for dudes, these days.


Ink Stained Mondays 7: Beware the Ides of February February 15, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 3:36 am
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(although I’ve found out that the Ides of February is actually the 13th, I am going to have to cling to my previous ignorance and press forward)

So…Today is the Fifteenth of February. At some point the vast majority of you will find yourselves pondering.

And you may be asking yourself: Self? Is it worth it?

Was it worth the money?

Worth the time?

Worth the hassle?

Worth the inconvenience?

Did you get what you were looking for?

If you are not able to answer at least one or two of those in the affirmative you need to re-evaluate some stuff.  Take a few Valentine’s Days off maybe.

Check on your Hustle and see if your reaping and your sowing is matching up.

Because honestly?

If you are in a relationship and your Valentine Day isn’t working out like you would like it to, then you are probably making mistakes the OTHER days of the year.

If you aren’t in a relationship and you are out doing the most on VD then you may wanna ponder a new hobby.  Celebrating Valentine’s Day is usually best left to people who are positive they want to spend time together.

Absolutely Positive.

Let’s do better folks.  When you set yourselves up for bad dates on Valentine’s Day, it only magnifies degree of the fail.

Stop doing that to yourselves.

Please and Thank you.


Ink Stained Mondays- Love Conquers All February 8, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 11:09 am
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And now…some Poetry.  Sorta.

Part of the nature of being human is that  that attracts those who have been pushed down and had their lunch money taken by love is that you realize how much of a bully love is.

Love knows you need it.

Love knows that despite your superhuman feats in your career, you are predisposed to love another person, whether family or stranger.

At the very moment you believe yourself incapable of taking another step down the road that leads to love, you see something that inspires you.

You hear THAT song

You smell THAT cologne

You see THAT movie

You go to THAT restaurant

The Nostalgia rolls through like the Tide

You want that feeling again…and no memory of the pain you used to feel will overcome those instantaneous moments where it all just clicked.

You say to yourself, no.

I’m tired of losing.

I’m tired of being used and abused

I don’t NEED love to be happy.

Maybe you don’t.

But you want it…you know you do.

Because THAT feeling is singular.

You can’t fake it.

You can’t simulate it in an avalanche of sex and debauchery.

You can’t bury it under your work.

That desire will never go away.

It is what it is.

You are who you are.

Stop fighting it.  It’s as natural as breathing

Just be patient and don’t try to get love to be what it isn’t or do what it can’t.


Ink-Stained Mondays #7 – The Way Forward January 11, 2010

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 11:01 am
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In a world where so much is said and so comparatively little is done, why in the world would I start an Internet Talk Show?

On top of that, why would my FIRST show be about Black men and Black women and their issues?  Didn’t EVERYONE do that Last Week?

Because if its raining M&Ms, and I have a bag full of skittles, that’s why.

If I honestly thought I had nothing new to offer the conversation, my partner and I would have chosen something else.

Like The rising price of Aluminum Siding, for instance.

Sooooooo, that little tidbit put to the side, we press forward, in an effort to add some skittles to a mountain of M&Ms.

Tonight’s episode will start from a standpoint of the issues surrounding whether or not Black Women are a problem or have a problem finding  happiness.

As I’ve delved way too deeply into this situation, I find myself thinking that this isn’t REALLY what the problem is.

Oh, WE’VE got problems, Those just aren’t them.

What are the problems?

You tell me, single Black woman.  What ARE your problems?

I am reading, and I will address each and every one of them tonight.


Ink-Stained Tuesdays #2 Inside the mind of the Deadbeat Dad November 17, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 12:00 pm
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I spent yesterday working on a Post about the Comparison made between Sarah Palin and Black women at large on the dawn of the Great PalinOprah.

I couldn’t finish it for a couple of reasons.

A. By the time Tuesday came, I didn’t care that much.

B. It had largely been Dead Horsed by the time I Sat down to get into it.

C. I couldn’t find a way to Fold My TX Government assignment into it and reuse the work for class (Like I am about to do right now)

I have been a parent for almost twelve years.  I have stood by  two different women through the child-bearing process.  I am actively Co-Parenting and Parenting three children in two states.  I have been a custodial parent with joint custody and a non-custodial parent.

For a brief period of time, I was an absent parent, a state of being that affected me more than I will ever be able to put into words.  What made matters worse, I was taking care of ANOTHER set of children WHILE I was absent from my own.

(Bear in mind, Absent in my eyes is the absence of consistent phone calls and regular timely visits.  I still made it up to Take them to the first day of school and saw them for a week during Christmas that year…but still…I was absent in my eyes)

I made the conscious decision to move as far from my children as i did knowing that I would be entrusting their fate almost solely in the hands of my ex-wife.  This was an easy choice for me because while my issues with her were diverse and substantive, they were with her as a wife. Not her as a woman and mother.  I never would have laid down with her, much less married her (although it should be noted that part of the eventual undoing of our situation hinged on Sexual incompatibility that revealed itself as we were practicing celibacy during our relationship.  See if I do THAT shit again…but thats another post for another time) if I wasn’t confident in her abilities to successfully raise children. I knew that despite our situation withering and dying, she was not so broken that she wasn’t capable of a successful relationship OR able to navigate the dicey Multi-tasking that single mothers endure finding love and raising children simultaneously.

My situation is different.  I accept it.  I apologize for it.  I am haunted by the accompanying demons that dwell within…

Do not think for a second that I am not affected by those decisions mentally and emotionally, even as you draw your conclusions on my decisions.  The evidence currently suggests I have made the right decision.  The Tale will be told YEARS from now and there are MANY MANY more decisions to make.