Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Ink-Stained Tuesdays #2 Inside the mind of the Deadbeat Dad November 17, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 12:00 pm
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I spent yesterday working on a Post about the Comparison made between Sarah Palin and Black women at large on the dawn of the Great PalinOprah.

I couldn’t finish it for a couple of reasons.

A. By the time Tuesday came, I didn’t care that much.

B. It had largely been Dead Horsed by the time I Sat down to get into it.

C. I couldn’t find a way to Fold My TX Government assignment into it and reuse the work for class (Like I am about to do right now)

I have been a parent for almost twelve years.  I have stood by  two different women through the child-bearing process.  I am actively Co-Parenting and Parenting three children in two states.  I have been a custodial parent with joint custody and a non-custodial parent.

For a brief period of time, I was an absent parent, a state of being that affected me more than I will ever be able to put into words.  What made matters worse, I was taking care of ANOTHER set of children WHILE I was absent from my own.

(Bear in mind, Absent in my eyes is the absence of consistent phone calls and regular timely visits.  I still made it up to Take them to the first day of school and saw them for a week during Christmas that year…but still…I was absent in my eyes)

I made the conscious decision to move as far from my children as i did knowing that I would be entrusting their fate almost solely in the hands of my ex-wife.  This was an easy choice for me because while my issues with her were diverse and substantive, they were with her as a wife. Not her as a woman and mother.  I never would have laid down with her, much less married her (although it should be noted that part of the eventual undoing of our situation hinged on Sexual incompatibility that revealed itself as we were practicing celibacy during our relationship.  See if I do THAT shit again…but thats another post for another time) if I wasn’t confident in her abilities to successfully raise children. I knew that despite our situation withering and dying, she was not so broken that she wasn’t capable of a successful relationship OR able to navigate the dicey Multi-tasking that single mothers endure finding love and raising children simultaneously.

My situation is different.  I accept it.  I apologize for it.  I am haunted by the accompanying demons that dwell within…

Do not think for a second that I am not affected by those decisions mentally and emotionally, even as you draw your conclusions on my decisions.  The evidence currently suggests I have made the right decision.  The Tale will be told YEARS from now and there are MANY MANY more decisions to make.




Sorry, No Stalgia Allowed. November 12, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — inkognegro @ 3:00 am
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Nostalgia is a seductive liar.  ~George Wildman Ball


In Tuesday’s post, I invoked the term Dinosaur.  I realize I didn’t do proper diligence to defining that term and Intended to devote today to outlining the length and breadth of the term.

Dinosaurs Are Creatures of the past.  Creatures born to rule in a certain period of time.  A periend where men were men, women were women, and sheep were nervous.  The rules were clear,

Men: Win Bread. Retrieve Bacon

Women: Make Home. Receive Bacon, and Fry it in a pan.


Men: Keeper of Castle

Women: Kept in Castle


Men: Slayer of Dragons

Women: Baker of cookies


As the story goes, these were the good old days.  Men NEVER left the house.  EVERYONE had Ward Cleaver Huxtable  And Donna June  Huxtable at home and if your kids came out screwed up, it had to have been because you didn’t love them enough and let them run the streets like the folks in the projects did.


And Papa was a Rolling Stone was a song about How Daddy used to Carry Mick Jagger’s bags before he came home to raise a family.


I refuse to believe that Papa was a Rolling Stone became a huge hit as some kind of a Fantastic inverse fairy tale.  The song resonated for many folks.

Yes….many of you will run over timid woodland creatures to comment about how fabulous YOUR family was.

and how long your Mom and Dad were married.

and how Your Dad Walked on water and your Mom washed his feet with her hair, and liked it.

And to that I say.  You, Sir/Ma’am, are Fortunate and blessed beyond measure.

The reality is the Black family in America is an Immaculate conception.


That we have ANY family heritage, ANY tradition of ANY kind, other than that akin to a team of horses, is a miracle on a par with the virgin birth.

The Black family was BORN broken and purposely left out to die byt the AnteBellum Society that sought to build an economy on its back.  It has limped along and fought for its survival, in the face of unspeakable odds.

In order to heal the enduring birth defects that the Black family still suffers, first we must avoid the tendency to act like the problem is somehow recent.  There has been a worsening of the circumstances that fit perfectly into the narrative that goes back to Jamestown (first one of you to usher the name of Willie Lynch into this narrative gets a one way ticket to time out)

This whole part of the game where we Yearn for Yesterday is wack – ESPECIALLY for a people whose freedom is tenuous and embryonic on a good day.

Any fond moments of yesteryear come from sporadic triumphs of the will and the grace of God (how much of which depends on how hard you go in on Saturday/Sunday)

Dinosaurs existed to guide through a period in our history…a period which appears to have long since passed.


Let them roam the earth in peace in their twilight years…Please do not act like The Dinosaurs have a future.  They do not.


No Babies, Ever, Ever, Ever… November 1, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 8:33 pm
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ADMIN NOTE:  You’ll notice lots of new faces popping up here at SSSO… Today welcome DCDatingDiva!

Babies are the Devil?


I don’t think I want children. Ever. However this past weekend, I found myself looking at all of the infants being pushed around in strollers, being carried kangaroo style by loving mommies and daddies, and I seen the absolutely cutest pint-sixed Halloween costumes. Then I thought to myself:

“Aweeee, how cute, could I do that?”….

I know after the newness wears off, I’d be faced with piles of dirty diapers, feedings, 3am screaming at the top of the lung wake-up calls, and no ME time and let me be honest, I LOVE my me time.

When I meet guys, especially new guys, they are floored at the fact that I’m pushing 30, and do not have not one midget diva running around. Then I politely say or rather yell. “Hell no, not me….uhhhh un, nope, nadda”.  Some guys find it funny, others make promises that “I will carry their seedlings” (and I make mental note to self, do not return his call), an ex said it was a deal breaker and someone that I’ve been dating on & off for the last, insert number of years here, has made a few statements in passing about me being a good mother. Which, over time, I’m sure I could be a good one, but I think I make a better “Auntie”, cause I can sugar them up and send them home.  I have yet to discover a rent-a-baby.

I know there are some people who really, really want kids, and give me the side-eye, once the topic comes up and I rebuke it. I’m not a monster. In fact, it’s best that I don’t have any children and I wish the “bad” parents would have analyzed it the way I did before they got knocked up or done the knocking up.

Other Reasons Why Tots Are Not For Me:

  • I love sleeping in
  • I love vacationing, preferably at places that have age restrictions. I don’t want to be around your children while I’m on vacation
  • I love shopping and not having to worry about if the little rug-rat has to potty, breastfeed, be escorted to the potty…you get the point
  • I like having the option of just going. If I want to pack my bags & move, or take a last-minute trip somewhere I can do that
  • I can’t see myself having kids with any guys I currently know or have known in the past
  • Money. Enough said
  • I think pregnant women are adorable, however, giving up all things I love for 9 months is not sexy

So what do you say family? Do you see children in your future, why or why not?


Danger, She Smashed the Homey! April 14, 2009

Though “Danger” from VH1’s, For the Love of Ray J, is a crazy b!tch, I empathize with her on the homey smashing. I too, have smashed the homey. *lowers head* I met one guy way before the other. And, I still haven’t confessed to smashing either homey (they not really that close but they do know each other). Does it really matter? Which leads me to the conclusion that sometimes people you are dating don’t need to know everything. Ain’t nothing going on but the rent between me and the long time friend, no feelings, nada, and it would only hurt the other dude to know that we once (or thrice) were intimate long ago. It’s now irrelevant and it will make me and his friend look bad. It’s a lose-lose-lose situation. Or maybe he won’t care since they not that close anyway.

Is there ever any justification for homey smashing – on both ends? Women do we want/need to know that someone we’re serious with had previous relations (just sexual) with someone we know? Men…do you want/need to know? Can the smashee come to the wedding or baby shower??? lol

Now I did grow up with a group of girls who all smashed the same dude we were all friends with. THIS, my friends, is madness. And, not just smashed, had boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with this guy. One after the next. We were all teenagers in like jr high/high school but STILL. This was kinda gross to me. It went like this:

Mimi and Titi are good friends – call each other cousins even. Mimi dates Steve. They break up. Titi dates Steve. They break up. (I don’t exactly remember the dynamics of the make to break ups but I’m pretty sure there was some overlapping or close proximity of love making between all three) . Then enter CiCi. Cici becomes friends with Mimi and Titi and knows about the relationships they’ve had with Steve. Cici dates Steve. Aye aye aye. yea we all hung with the same group of people day in and day out and there are gonna be some occassional hook ups (NONE by me btw), but this was slightly ridic. I don’t know if there were any permissions given between Mimi, Titi, and Cici that they were OK with ea of them dating Steve. I guess there was cause the girls never faught over or about him.  But, this is a teenage scenario…I don’t think this could happen at our age now. Even if it doesn’t work out with a guy, I can’t see myself being OK with my friend dating him – even if they are soul mates. If they are, they better move FAR AWAY from wherever I am, and not tell me jack about the relationship. Matter fact, we ain’t friends no more. LOL.

Do you have any homey smashing stories whether you’re directly involved or not? What was the outcome?

***In other non-related news, whilst searching for the above image I came across some blurbs that Danger (aka “ms. snake face” dubbed by Nicki Sunshine – it’s actually a tiger on her face but i digress…further) is allegedly prego by Ray J.  For once, I feel sorry for Ray and the Norwood family if this is true.  See what happens when murder someone *cough*BRANDY *cough* The day of the geechi is upon you!***


Boredom Equals Trouble April 2, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Holly GoLightly @ 10:00 pm
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Today I was in a reflective mood just thinking over my life…reliving moments some funny, some bad. What really stuck out in my head was the moments where I would end up saying a little prayer…

Lord, I know I shouldn’t have but if you just find it in your heart to let me make it outta this I promise I wont do it anymore. Thank you in advance!


Holly GoLightly

These moments were usually caused by BOREDOM!! My grandmother always said an idle mind was the devil’s playground and boy did my mind stay idle (especially when I was younger)… I suffer with boredom a lot now  but I try my best not to exercise the plans that I conjure up in my head. 🙂 So far I think I do a pretty good job!

One particular boredom moment that stands out for me, that I really wish wasn’t brought on by boredom, was when I lost my virginity. This situation was more so brought on by curiosity that was later carried out by boredom.  I mean the person was a dear friend at the time and I did have a little liking towards him, but he wasn’t someone special. He wasn’t even a person that I could have seen as a boyfriend!! But hey then again what do you even know at 16!? Back then I thought that I was gonna marry Devante or Mr. Dalvin from Jodeci and where the heck are they now??!! Everything about the situation was so not right! There was no music, no candles, not even some swanky dinner prepared by him. Instead it took place at his house in the basement on an oddly shaped brown velvet chair. The event lasted all of 5 minutes. When it was over I remember thinking, “Is this what all my active friends have been raving about?? If so, this was not the business!!” It wasn’t until a few years later while with my boyfriend that I truly experienced what I should have felt- The big “O”! It was then that I really regretted my decision that I made during boredom!! Because of this regret I reached out to my 13 year old sister and let her know its better to wait preferably when you are married, but if you cant wait til then at least try  to wait until you are mature and out of high school.

Of course there have been other situations since then that have occurred due to boredom: Fraternizing with a low down ex, entertaining a random dude who wouldn’t have gotten the time otherwise, pity s!ex, and of out of town trips (with no good intentions). *smh*

What has boredom gotten you to do?


Why Stop Now? March 3, 2009

Filed under: Kimfoolery — cuzzo @ 10:00 pm
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give head

stop breath

get up

check ya weave

(K. West, The New Workout Plan)

Disclaimer: If you don’t perform or receive acts of the felatial or cunnilingual nature, you don’t need to read this post. (and kindly kill yourself please and thank you 🙂 )


  1. Dry Mouth
  2. Jaw Hurts
  3. Not getting a reaction
  4. The person TELLS you to stop (see above)
  5. Can’t breath
  6. Gagging/choking
  7. Head crushing pressure from her legs
  8. One too many pulls on the back of her head (see #6)
  9. Somehow a camera phone appears (may lead to domestic violence)
  10. (fill in the blank)

Have fun with this…it’s Hump Day!

***UPDATE (thanks to Jada and CBG) – the words COMMITMENT and RELATIONSHIP are banned from the comments today!!!***


Fantasy Friday…. October 17, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — FlawedBeauty @ 1:44 am
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So the way I see it everybody’s gotta have a fantasy.

Someone I know is planning a sink interlude. Others of us would be happy just to get some period.

A few weeks ago over at SBM we all talked about places we’ve done it and now I wanna know what everyone wants to do….whether you’re celibate or not…

Well I’m going first…mine is to do it on top of some important landmark. It could be the Eiffel Tower, the Statue of Liberty, or hell the bridge from Mandeville to New Orleans.

Now just off general principle, I would like to try the jackhammer AND I currently crave the wet, sticky, ooey gooey extra hot kind?

Come on, tell us…What’s your fantasy???