Ink-Stained Tuesdays #1 An Ode to the Dinosaur November 10, 2009

Welcome To Ink-Stained Tuesdays…A few hours late Thanks to the Author’s obsessing over a football game you may have cared little about.

I am your Weekly Host, Inkognegro.  Ink, Inky, Sir, “That guy on Twitter with the cute baby in his avi”  any of those will do.

I will save any other formal introduction for the Beautiful and Wonderful  Administrator of this fine Blog and Get on with it, since I am already late.

I am a movie buff.

Does that mean you will find me posted up at  the local cineplex destined for whatever the big hit is supposed to be that weekend?  No.

It means I take movies seriously, both for the stories they tell and for the the pictures they paint.

When a movie speaks to me…it speaks to me in the framework of that film, in my life, and in society at large.

I saw A Few Good Men in the theaters in 1992.  I was young  and living in Southern California.  I considered myself a good man, but not one who was attractive to the women around me. So much so that I was attending movies alone and losing the love of my High School years to an older white man she worked with back in Pittsburgh while I was creating what I THOUGHT was a new life for us in California. (Chuckles at my naivety of the moment)

The movie was good enough…although I am convinced Jack Nicholson STILL feels pains in his back from carrying Tom Cruise in the movie.

Even people who haven’t seen the movie know one of Jack’s most oft quoted lines explodes out.

YOU CAN’T HANDLE the TRUTH.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  We all know that line.   But what about what comes after?  What came AFTER is what sets the movie apart.

Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know — that Santiago’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives; and my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.

Jack says that he is a necessary Evil.  That it is a necessity for men to exist as they do.  That it while it may be okay for these punk-ass Touchy Feely new age mofos to walk the earth, HIS existence is forged in decades/centuries of survival and protection.  which leads him to say this:

You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that wall — you need me on that wall.

Ahh…There is that code word.  You NEED men like him.  STILL.  Because, Damnit, you just cant count on those touchy feely mofos to protect you when the chips go down.

We use words like “honor,” “code,” “loyalty.” We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punch line.

The background of this story is that Jack on trial for murder for ordering two soldiers to assault a third (Santiago). Essentially Killing one to save many.  Honorable, Indeed.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it.

I would rather that you just said “thank you” and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand the post. Either way, I don’t give a DAMN what you think you’re entitled to!

Ole Jack basically tells the lil’ Couch Jumping Scientologist to strap up and get like him or STFU and go make Cocktail 2.  He got this.  If I were writing the remake, I would have had Jack stand up and pull out his 9 and Scream “WHOSE GONNA CHECK ME, BOO?” But that’s just me.

I posted this soliloquoy as a jumping off point for my personal agenda in joining this blog.

Jack’s character is a symbol of the old patriarchal order.  One who was charged with protection of the Home, the neighborhood, and the society at large.  He is basically on trial, as he sees it, for doing his job; a trial perpetrated by people who have no respect for the luxuries his way of doing things have provided them.  Many Black men currently chafe under what they see as a new standard of conduct as well.  This is the symbolism I am using as a jumping off point.

I will be posting every Tuesday and alternating Thursday with the great Peyso(Peace to the Don) focusing on what I view as the fascinating evolution of the Black woman in light of a combination of forces from without and within.  The ongoing and now critical importance of Black women heading and (co-heading)  households has created a new urgency for Black women to embody many gender roles preiously reserved for men.  Many of these younger women are raised from little girls with the inner strength and drive to ascend to HoH (head of household) Status.  Even more are raised in a confusing duality that asks them to be hawks in the field and doves on home base.

Sending these hyper evolved creatures into a world where Dinosaurs are still being born and raised.

And you wonder why they are constantly at war.

Your questions and comments will be addressed today and inform Thursday’s post, feel free to jump in.

Men Are Such Big Babies… November 8, 2009

…But I love them so I’ll take it!

Admin note:  Today’s we’re featuring a guest post from JG over at JGRunstheCity… Enjoy!

I Hate You Jody, I Hate You...

Oh this is not to bash men or anything, but I’m just going to point out some interesting things that I consider to be fact in my small world and we’ll take it from there. This is based on nothing more than the randomness of my mind. Men constantly drive us up a wall, and I think it’s just because we don’t get them. After reading this, you still probably won’t but at least you’ll have something to remember to keep you from ending up on Snapped. I’m not speaking on extremes here either, just average man behaviors. Now when they start really acting up that’s when you really take them to task. Your man is so territorial that he has to go through your stuff and keep you locked in the house? No bueno, time to boot him.  Here we go.

When you look at all the things that govern the way men think and act when it comes to relationships it pretty much boils down to them being big babies. They talk about how we women always want to hear “I love you” and they can’t see why they always have to say it, however it’s the same way that we have to coddle their egos. I am so adamantly against the double standards that exist between men and women but I recently started to really turn them over in my head to make sense of it all. Let’s take cheating for example. Men feel like it’s in their nature to cheat, and so when they do it, the expect a woman to forgive them and keep it moving. This actually tends to be how it happens. On the other hand, if a woman cheats on a man, the world stops moving, Satan has arrived, and his mama goes back to being the only woman he can trust. This basically boils down to him being a big baby. The pain a man feels after being cheated on is no worse than the pain a woman feels no matter how they try to turn and twist it. You’re a baby. But I love ya.

Men are big babies because they are territorial. I think when women act territorial is out of competitive drive. Like “you can’t have my man because I’m better than you and I will prove it!”. Men on the other hand are territorial to save themselves. Like “I don’t want no one seeing my girl, blah blah blah, because then she’ll leave me for him.” This leads men to think and act extremely irrationally. Sure he wants you to be arm candy, but don’t look too sweet. He loves the way you look in those jeans, just don’t wear them out. *sigh* Silly, but I still love ya.

Let’s take sex in general. Most men while not being the most chaste themselves would prefer a woman with low milage. Men talk about how it’s just not right for a woman to sleep with too many men, she’s a whore, because she’s allowing someone to enter her it’s different. That’s all ballyhoo if the same doesn’t apply to men. So I can pretty easily reduce this down to men being big babies. While I don’t condone promiscuous behavior I call a Spade a Spade. If you are sleeping around all willy nilly as a man, and you would call a woman out as being loose for the same behavior, Pot meet Kettle. However society has engrained this type of thinking in our minds, so women have to deal with men and their wang-hanging ways with our heads held high. Men on the other hand would lose their lunch to find out their girlfriend has slept with more guys than he deemed “okay” by his mythical mathematic equation. Why? Big babies. Luv ya!

I just find it so funny that for this to be A Man’s World it really relies on women allowing men to THINK they run things. While the above situations are general and only a few examples, it baffles me because women deal with this stuff all the time. The problem is that we allow it to frustrate us. While I am on the campaign to change man’s crooked thinking, I only have one life to live. so I pick my battles, understand that men can’t help the fact that they are big babies, and keep it moving. Now that I have really broken it down to such a simply explanation I feel like I’m in the know now. Like those funny commercials where the mom is serving up her kids big glasses of red kool-aid and she’s off in the corner just chuckling and shaking her head it’s because she knows. That’s what I do now when in the face of a man acting like a baby. Just a soft chuckle and a quick prayer to Jesus for they know not what they do. Gotta love them!

So ladies, any other examples that we can just toss out as men being big babies?

I Got A Crush On You… November 8, 2009

Once upon a time everything was super simple.  We’ve talked about the days of Sesame Street last Friday and I began to think a little more about that time in my life.  Just after my Sesame Street Days I had my very first crush.  His name was AJ Davis and he was the most bad-ass overactive kid in my first grade class.  I don’t care,  I thought he was cute and fun.  I don’t know where AJ is today, but I wanna talk about crushes.  I know we all have had them and maybe dated them or maybe we just admired from a far.  That said, I’ve picked five of my top crush songs and the meanings behind each of them.

1. Fantasia-When I See You…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNCIjxalWrg

This song transcends just a little bit past first grade and straight to high school…My crush (and for anyone from HS reading I did NOT admit this) was Lucas Noel.  Looking back on it, I think I was so darn mean to him everyday for like two years because I really wanted him.  This song pretty much describes what went on (especially when our lockers ended up next to other) *whew* Something now is taking over meeeeee….I’m not gonna run I’m just gonna stand here til I see you… I got so many PMs for this foolishness.

 

2. Chris Brown “With You”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqumjziPTzk

It took a boy named Chris with Chris Brown kinda swag (minus that whole hitting incident) to help me get this one.  To this day, I have the biggest ginormous craziest crush on this kid.  He’s got that tell it like it is kinda thing going on and lie to you not if I could get “with him” I probably would lose my mind… *sigh* And yep, I know… you “been had money” but the money means nothing…but being with you sure would…

3. Fergie “Clumsy”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kN9vm95SocU

Can’t help it…First time I saw his eyes he looked straight through men and then some.  He’s got the most gorgeous curly hair I’ve ever seen in my life.  And he’s truthfully that crush that you know everything would be perfect with, but you cannot figure out how to get it right.  Can’t breathe around him, don’t know what to do… feel stupid…trip over your shoes and fall face first… trippin…aww stumbling.. and falling right in love…

4. Stephanie Mills “Feel Good Over”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=091tFMEZu6Y

I’ma just let this one speak for itself… before I make a mistake and do or say the wrong thing….

5. Michael Jackson f. Floetry “Butterflies”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeaqO_aMWOE

This is a general one.  You gotta admit at some point in life you’ve had a crush that you see them and your stomach tightens and you start to feel a little woozy… *sigh* and then you start feeling “This Is It“

So I’ve shared mine… what are you favorite crush songs and stories?  Include a link if you can… I can’t wait to hear them all!

 

Sometimes, the box isn’t so Idiotic after all November 6, 2009

As you might suspect, Today is not my day.  But here I am, nonetheless.  I have been instructed to “post something fun”, and this was the first thing I thought about.

 

 

Sesame Street is rapidly approaching its fortieth, birthday.  As an only child(at the time) to a single mother,  Sesame street was an invaluable tool to enhance the learning that was taking place in the home. 

As the quantty of Television for children has exploded with the advent of cable, the relative quality has been damaged irreparably.  Children’s television now has become an incubator for baby consumers.

While Sesame Street is not immune from these pressures (bear in mind, that the proceeds from CTW’s merchandise go to the company which doesnt sell advertising)  it has long been a welcome reprieve from the constant hustle that passes for Kids’ TV.

Oh, my bad, this was supposed to be fun. 

I would like to take this Friday and open the floor up to those of you who might like to share your Sesame Street memories, because I KNOW you have some. 

 

We All Have It…. November 4, 2009

After reading Cuzzo’s post yesterday, I too wanted to analyze a word that I deal with everyday. That word is fear. Fear is defined as “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.”

Charles Darwin described it as “Fear is often preceded by astonishment, and is so far akin to it, that both lead to the senses of sight and hearing being instantly aroused. In both cases the eyes and mouth are widely opened, and the eyebrows raised. The frightened man at first stands like a statue motionless and breathless, or crouches down as if instinctively to escape observation. The heart beats quickly and violently, so that it palpitates or knocks against the ribs… That the skin is much affected under the sense of great fear, we see in the marvelous manner in which perspiration immediately exudes from it… The hairs also on the skin stand erect; and the superficial muscles shiver. In connection with the disturbed action of the heart, the breathing is hurried. The salivary glands act imperfectly; the mouth becomes dry, and is often opened and shut.”

I think that the definition is particularly interesting in that it allows room for things that are perceived and not real. In order to qualify as a fear, there is no reality component to qualify. There is room for the mind to conceive the things that we fear as a way to prepare us and motivate action. Notice that the definition makes no mention of inaction due to fear.  Society has conditioned us to feel that fear is a terrible thing. That if we are fearful we are weak. I in fact beg to differ. As Darwin pointed out there is a biological and practical function for the reactions that fear induces in the body. I know there are examples in my life where fear has caused my body to become hypersensitive and because of that hypersensitivity I was able to notice things that I would not have noticed if I was in my normal state.

However, there are things that are not and were not worth me fearing. The reaction that fear causes in the body ultimately tiring. Theoretically, the reaction to fear would tire us out and ultimately make us more susceptible to a danger if it was to come after a false alarm. I always wondered if the body has or ever had biological checkpoints that would prevent this. We have all been guilty of being afraid of things that were not worthy of our fair. I for one was afraid of bats. Not baseball bats. But bats that fly blindly. Up until I was ten years old, I was afraid to open closets because I thought that a camp of bats would attack me and suck my blood or even grab me by my arms and carry me to bat land. I’m glad that I never allowed my fear of bats to prevent me from opening closets. However, there are some things that I still fear today. Example: I fear flushing the toilet while I am still seated on the toilet. I always think that water might splash up my cornhole or even worse water my get in my mini me.

What are your fears? Do you allow fear to paralyze you and prevent you from taking action? Do you have any fears that are outright ridiculous?

What you know about respect? November 4, 2009

Dictionary.com gives about 7 different definition for the term “respect”.

 

I’ve derived that I’m more interesgted in this one:

deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect’s right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly

Do you believe that respect is indeed earned? Or should we initially give people our respect until they prove themselves unworthy?

No Babies, Ever, Ever, Ever… November 1, 2009

ADMIN NOTE:  You’ll notice lots of new faces popping up here at SSSO… Today welcome DCDatingDiva!

Babies are the Devil?

 

I don’t think I want children. Ever. However this past weekend, I found myself looking at all of the infants being pushed around in strollers, being carried kangaroo style by loving mommies and daddies, and I seen the absolutely cutest pint-sixed Halloween costumes. Then I thought to myself:

“Aweeee, how cute, could I do that?”….

I know after the newness wears off, I’d be faced with piles of dirty diapers, feedings, 3am screaming at the top of the lung wake-up calls, and no ME time and let me be honest, I LOVE my me time.

When I meet guys, especially new guys, they are floored at the fact that I’m pushing 30, and do not have not one midget diva running around. Then I politely say or rather yell. “Hell no, not me….uhhhh un, nope, nadda”.  Some guys find it funny, others make promises that “I will carry their seedlings” (and I make mental note to self, do not return his call), an ex said it was a deal breaker and someone that I’ve been dating on & off for the last, insert number of years here, has made a few statements in passing about me being a good mother. Which, over time, I’m sure I could be a good one, but I think I make a better “Auntie”, cause I can sugar them up and send them home.  I have yet to discover a rent-a-baby.

I know there are some people who really, really want kids, and give me the side-eye, once the topic comes up and I rebuke it. I’m not a monster. In fact, it’s best that I don’t have any children and I wish the “bad” parents would have analyzed it the way I did before they got knocked up or done the knocking up.

Other Reasons Why Tots Are Not For Me:

• I love sleeping in
• I love vacationing, preferably at places that have age restrictions. I don’t want to be around your children while I’m on vacation
• I love shopping and not having to worry about if the little rug-rat has to potty, breastfeed, be escorted to the potty…you get the point
• I like having the option of just going. If I want to pack my bags & move, or take a last-minute trip somewhere I can do that
• I can’t see myself having kids with any guys I currently know or have known in the past
• Money. Enough said
• I think pregnant women are adorable, however, giving up all things I love for 9 months is not sexy

So what do you say family? Do you see children in your future, why or why not?

Making Love During Wartime is Hell October 29, 2009

ADMIN NOTE: Since Peyso is cutting to half time we are introducing a new writer Inkognegro (follow him on Twitter @Inkognegro)

He promises to be a barrel of laughs mixed with thought provoking prose.  Enjoy. -Jac

 

 

 

Author’s Note:  I am not single, nor am I a sister…but I am damn sure finna speak out.  Take off the kid gloves….I am a big boy and I can defend myself.

 

 

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and not clothed.
-Dwight Eisenhower

Humans are predisposed to conflict. It is part of the sin nature Adam and Eve and their inability to follow simple instructions brought upon us. It is the wise individual who learns when to draw the bow and when to draw the bouquet.

Black men and women are at war because the Hell in which we live has distorted our surival instincts to the point that we don’t know who the enemy is.

I had a crappy day. Mrs. Ink had a crappier day, by far. As long as my day’s crappiness wasn’t at the forefront of my mind, I could successfully address her wounds from the day’s excrement. THE VERY SECOND that I started focusing on my OWN crap, which admittedly was far less significant than HER crap, but smelled worse because it eminated from my personal space, I put my bouquets down and drew my bow when she got too close with some errant bullets. Of course, I didn’t do this right away. I waited until she put her guard down, and then rained hails of logical and loaded observation arrows accusing her of indifference to my plight and to my situation.

No Bueno. I cannot do that. I am a chauvinist in that I believe, as the man, I need to have my finger on the pulse of the overall relationship and not allow the discourse to get toxic. Such is the nature of being the head of the household.

Her, being the diva she is, is pretty indifferent to any mood but hers.

I, knowing that I am in love with a diva, has to perpetually walk the thin line between protecting my overall psyche and accepting that if, in fact you DO love her, (and I do) you love her as she IS, not as you would like her to be. Doing that means losing arguments even though you have more points than she does. Doing that means She and I will live happily ever after, because even though she is a diva, she is also astute enough to know what I am doing and once she basks in another victory, she can come to me and thank me for letting her win.

which means I really win. Yaaay ME.

Make love not War, people.

They wrote in the old days that it is sweet and fitting to die for one’s country. But in modern war, there is nothing sweet nor fitting in your dying. You will die like a dog for no good reason.

-Ernest Hemingway

I am not sure exactly what I am doing, other than rambling aimlessly about the overall toxicity in the relations between Black Men and Black Women. The war analogy seems apt because people are dying literally(seen the AIDS rate lately?) and figuratively(seen the rate on Black children born out of wedlock? Black children in two parent housholds?). As a Twice married, once divorced Black man who lives a time zone away from two of  his sons and has a third at home, I am at the crossroads of the battlefield. I can see the path to peace as clearly as I can see the carnage of the front lines.

I see the war in everything, from Breezy v. Rhi-Rhi, to Chris Rock v. the Natural hair Mafia, to Tyler Perry v. Spike Lee, to The fight for health care reform.

The dispatches begin Next Thursday.

A DNA Discussion October 27, 2009

How does a man let a woman – not just ANY woman but, HIS woman, as in current significant other – know he has suspicions about the paternity of their unborn child? Whether she became pregnant early on in the relationship, or years later…the subject will always be touchy. it’s not like you guys have been on and off, the relationship was consistant but in the age of Maury Povich, there is always room for doubt.

As a woman who has been faced with this question (not during the relationship but well after our child was born), it’s kind of like a low blow. I can admit that I was shocked and offended at the time but, after hearing things from the other side (one of my male friends is about to have a child with his girlfriend whom had suspect activities during the beginning of their relationship, around the same time she became pregnant – I told him to get a DNA test), I’m slightly less offended

A different male friend told me he’d get a DNA test for EVERY one of his children even if he remained with a woman for a long time. I guess it works like a prenup now. In case things don’t work out, that DNA test is your insurance (and assurance) that you are taking care of YOUR child. But, anyway, like the prenup conversation…how do you bring about the DNA question? Hopefully, not after the child is born….which is what I told me friend.

Ladies: How would you feel if your SO asked for a paternity test of your unborn child? Fair? Offensive?

Men: Would you ever feel the need to ask? At what point and how would ask?

 

Relationship Red Flags October 27, 2009

How Many Have to Fly Before You Go?

 

Over the course of my dating career I have seen many things that irk my nerves.  I have also seen many of my friends old and young go through dating woes.  From this, I have begun to realize that there  are certain red flags that come up.  At this point, I can securely say when you see these…. leave.

1. Rudeness to waiters. We’ve all been there.  You’re out enjoying your evening.  The mood is right.  Your companion is looking good.  The food comes and it’s cold.  Your companion proceeds to make the waiter/waitress feel like they are scum of the Earth.  This one is easy.  They treat humans in a very inhumane way… Next!

 

2. Dirty underwear/socks/clothes. First off, it’s embarrassing…Seriously who wants to go out with someone who cannot be bothered to keep themselves clean?  Shower, then put on dirty panties?  That’s ridiculous… bad hygiene is definitely a no no…

 

3. Chronic lateness. If a person is late three times to meet you, have dinner, coffee, etc. they don’t respect your time.  Past that, not respecting your time is a direct line into not respecting you.

Alright I’m done… Are there any red flags you’d like to add?