It’s the What in You? December 29, 2009

I’m sorry Mary Mary but sometimes I can’t hear your music over your hips tight clothes.

I really don’t have that big of a problem with the gospel (now crossover) group Mary Mary but after hearing their hit “God in Me” 5 bajillion times because it plays on mainstream and gospel radio stations, they are irking me at the moment. Gospel artists aren’t really known for being “fashionable” even though people dress to the nine’s in church (can I get an amen?).  I began taking note of how this group dresses after a friend of mine’s made a comment on Facebook about one of them when this song first came out and was being played on the urban stations. He said something to the effect of thinking of something in one of the group member’s and it wasn’ t God.  *and from this pic, you may be able to tell which one I’m talking about*

I know it may be hard to try to look decent and not frumpy when you have a shape. Or, just to be fashionable while you’re trying to deliver a message about Jesus. Even in, “God in Me” they seem to be putting fashion and things in front of the word. I wouldn’t even call this song Gospel, but R&B that mentions God.

You’re so fly, You’re so high

Everybody round you tryna figure out why

You’re so cool, You win all the time

Everywhere you go, Man you get a lot of shine

Draw like a magnet, Better yet I have it

Everything you wear, People say they gotta have it (envy much?)

From the sweat suit, to the white tee, to the Gucci (did Gucci pay them?)

You can probably say, People wanna get like me (conceited much?)

2nd Verse:

You see her style, You think she nice

You look at her whip, You say the whip tight

You look at her crib, You thinkin’ she paid

You look at her life, You think she’s got it made

But everything she’s got, The girl’s been given

She call it a blessing, But you call it living

When it come to money, She can be a hero

She write them checks with a whole lot of zero’s

…And the justification for all this flyness, Gucci bags, and check writing… Oh yea, God.

I know people who don’t look “fly” everyday, don’t have whip, yet God shines through them…they are blessed. And, I am blessed to know them. So, Mary Mary, these are NOT the only blessings God bestows upon people…the material things are not what makes people blessed. I just don’t know Mary Mary…I think this song sends the wrong message.

Men & Money December 28, 2009

(I’m using this as a segue into next week which is really gonna be when posting resumes)

All I wanna know is why men spend money on what the spend money on?

Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about… cars, games, strippers…? 

Especially African-American men… I’m only asking because in every poll we outspend our salaries on rims, chains and other crazy stuff (like cars with Elmo on them).

I JUST WANNA KNOW WHYYYYY!

What Pals Reveal About Lovers (Repost) December 22, 2009

In true, I’m-supposed-to-be-on-vacation-style, I bring you a post from Match.com that I felt was interesting. Enjoy and Happy Holidays!

What pals reveal about lovers…

By Mackenzie Dawson

Most of us tend to think of friends and lovers as two very different relationship camps. But the worlds of romance and friendship aren’t as far apart as you might think. Often, your choice of best friend says a lot about what you’re really looking for in a mate. So next time you’re thinking about what you want from a romantic partner, think about your BFF—and think about the qualities he or she has. You’re friends for a reason. Whether your pal is the life of the party or the big sibling you never had, chances are this person has a special quality that reflects what you need from a man or woman.

“If you have a good relationship with your best friend, it’s a good indicator that you can be that intimate with another person,” says Lauren Zander, a relationship expert at the Handel Group, a private and corporate coaching firm. “It shows that you can be that close, that loving—and that you can care that much about another person. If you can do that in a friendship, you can do it in a relationship.”

Take a look at these types — they’re bound to look familiar! — and see what Zander has to say about them.

1. The Life of the Party
Who the friend is: Also known as the Good Time Girl/Guy, this best friend is like a thousand-watt light bulb. Simply put, this person makes everything fun—whether you’re at work, at a New Year’s bash or waiting at a bus station. This BFF has an energy and appetite for fun anytime, anyplace, and you love ’em for it.
What kind of romance works for you: “This can be a tricky dynamic, dating someone this full of energy,” says Zander. “It can offer so much, but you want to make sure that your partner is still interested in you when the spotlight is off him.” In other words, the Life of the Party can be a great deal of fun and add a lot of adventure to your life—as long as your sweetie isn’t just looking for an eager audience. “I see a lot of marriages that are founded on this, but you want to make sure each of you has a strong individual identity, and that the relationship isn’t all about the more dominant person.”

2. The Polar Opposite
Who the friend is: If you only had a nickel for every time someone asked, “How can you two be friends?” You’re the first to admit it—this pal has virtually nothing in common with you, but for whatever reason, the two of you get on with each other like a house on fire. It’s a classic case of opposites attracting, each one of you allowing the other to experiment with a totally different lifestyle and viewpoint.
What kind of romance works for you: You don’t want to go through life with a twin or the classic concept of a soul mate. Instead, you want to broaden your horizons and have a partner who challenges you, says Zander. You’re able to look outside yourself — and beyond people who are identical to you — when seeking companionship. It’s the ultimate yin-yang setup, with both of you bringing something different to the table.

3. The Twin
Who the friend is: The two of you are so alike, you finish each other’s sentences. If you had this kind of pal in high school, people would joke about you two being joined at the hip. This is the person who savors all kinds of weird inside jokes with you, who appreciates the same obscure bands as you do, and orders the same complicated Starbucks drink as you do! There’s a comfort in just how “two peas in a pod”-like you can be.
What kind of romance works for you: “This kind of relationship dynamic shows you have great self-esteem,” says Zander. “Clearly, you enjoy yourself—because you’re spending a lot of time with someone who’s much like you.” This can translate into a very successful romantic relationship—as long as you’re both willing to look outside your ‘twin’ dynamic and avoid being too insular.

4. The Mentor
Who the friend is: This friend is like a big brother or sister. This one’s always been there for you, giving encouragement, support, or just cheering you on from the sidelines (sometimes literally!). This pal may help guide your career, introduce you to new hobbies—the key is that this person always helps you feel as if your life is evolving and progressing.
What kind of romance works for you: “All relationships are about balance,” says Zander. “And this one can bring a lot to the ‘mentee’ while leaving the mentor feeling like he or she doesn’t have anyone to turn to for guidance or growth.” This rapport can be a special one—it’s great to have someone who supports and encourages you. Just make sure it goes both ways, and that you’re lending an open ear — and heart — when your honey needs attention.

5. The Explorer
Who the friend is: This one’s an adventurer, always up for trying something new—whether it’s reading Proust or going on a spur-of-the-moment trip to Peru. Much like the Life of the Party, this friend will never leave you bored. He or she will embolden you to push your boundaries… and you’ll wind up learning a lot about yourself. You’re a braver person leading a richer life, thanks to this relationship.
What kind of romance works for you: If you’re drawn to explorer-type partners, you can gain so much from your relationships, according to Zander. You’ll grow as a person, as long as you’re staying true to yourself at the same time. You don’t want to feel as if you have to challenge yourself, even when uncomfortable, just to keep up with your partner and maintain his or her interest. Also, chime in and suggest things that you like to do—and if your sweetie is up for it, you’ve got yourself a great dynamic. There’s no limit on adventure—no matter whose idea it is.

Mackenzie Dawson is the deputy features editor at the New York Post. She has written articles on trends and relationships for Cosmopolitan, Gotham, Parenting, and Marie Claire.

Ink Stained Tuesdays #5 – The Tyranny of Celebrity December 22, 2009

Nature Abhors a vacuum.

In a society built to be a meritocracy specifically to avoid the unfairness of Monarchies and Feudalism, it was inevitable that mere merit would be able to determine the strata.

As America ascended to dominance, one thing became increasingly apparent.  America Has found its Aristocracy.

Celebrity is America’s Aristocracy, it has been Since our founding.

With every evolution of the media, from Thomas Paine and Common Sense through You Tube and Twitter, the Media has twisted and contorted itself in order to subsist off of an insatiable need for individuals to wallow in fame.

Celebrities ARE people too, they live, they die, they go to the store, they make lifestyle choices, but those choices are too often magnified for our own entertainment.  At our urging, we encourage the media to build these individuals up to mythical proportions only to take the wrecking ball to them just as soon as is advantageous.

And we try to act like we don’t care, but we do.

Are there more important things?  Who defines what’s important?   You do.  So maybe there aren’t

Remember, nature abhors a vacuum.  If you stopped paying attention then the vacuum that was created would be filled by something.  What y’all call real news, no doubt.

But…you can’t turn away.  Because deep down, you care.

#kanyeshrug.

Wifey Where are you – A Guest Post December 18, 2009

Happy Friday.  I am dropping this Gem from JG, who runs the city among other things.  She can also be seen at One Fourth Random, where this was previously posted.

embedded by Embedded Video

YouTube Direkt

I really needed a reason to use that song. LOL I love love love me some Pharrell and by default in this song, I love Usher.

This is going to be part of a multi-post discussion of some ideas. I’d love to get you guy’s feedback to make future posts on this topic more conducive to what you all want to talk about.

So as humans, we all have the desire to meet someone we’re attracted to, get to know them, marry, and mate. That can be in any order obviously. While this seems like an easy enough concept, it has proven itself to be quite difficult actually. Especially in this day and age. It seems the economy isn’t the only thing in a recession. What I want to talk about however is the role sex plays in relationships. Specifically for this post I want to talk about the role a woman’s sexuality plays into relationships.

This is partially inspired by the Jump Off vs. Friends with Benefits conversation we had over at Single Black Male, but really it’s a thought that I’ve seen many women secretly whisper about. It seems that to a certain extent black women are experiencing our own sexual revolution. Feminism to a certain extent left us in the dust, so we’re just now learning to love and be okay with our sensuality. Or we really? I watch Sex and The City, and I marvel at how these women were sexual, and open about their sexuality. They did things and spoke about things in a way that just made it seem normal and quite alright. Conversations among black women don’t go that way without anyone observing considering them “Whorish”.  Of course, we talk to our girlfriends about our sexual escapades but the feeling is definitely different. Here’s why: Our sexual experiences are different. This is especially true for the Professional Black Woman.

I’ve had many conversations with men about how they want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. We’ve all heard that saying. To them, Wifey will be the pillar of the community, independent, yet secure enough to let the man be the man, and able to make his toes curl at night. Wonderful. That sounds great to me. So then tell me why have I observed this: A man meets a wonderfule woman.  She’s a PBW,  educated, socially aware, sweet, the kind of girl you bring home to mom, and make her the mother of your children. They date, enjoy great conversations, and then it’s time to get the business done. First go around is great. She handled hers and he showed out well for the match. All is well, phase two of the relationship can continue. Phase two being After Sex (A.S). You see there’s Before Sex (B.S.) and after. Y’all know there’s a difference. So the two are now being sexual. This woman who is wifey material is everything he could have asked for. This is where things get tricky. This same woman is also very sexual. She loves sex and is open about her likes and dislikes. It’s not something that she has to constantly talk about, or flaunt, but she brings it to his attention some of the things she’s interested in. The man realizes that she’s not virginal, and instantly her wifey status is diminished. I’m not talking about super freaky crazy, swinger swapping stuff and animals. Just on some Common’s “Go” type stuff.

So why does this happen? I’ve heard plenty of men claim they want a L.I.T.S. but a F.I.T.B yet, turn around and say in the same breath that they want their wives to be damn near virginal. I’ve also seen men confuse a woman who is well versed in the bedroom with a woman who has been around the block.  (This is a major misconception that can leave a dude left behind.) The man is still intrigued, but would prefer her to be the Jump Off as opposed to Wifey now. He wants to learn from her, but not learn with her.

On the flip side, I’ve spoken to some of my friends who would love a sexually adventurous woman. However, they still admitted they would seriously question how she came to learn what she did, and why she was open to do certain other acts. However, I feel like this is all irrelevant. There’s a difference between the girl that you know all of your friends and the entire eastern seaboard have ran through, and the girl who may have had that one guy who showed her the ropes. At the end of the day if she’s in good health how much does it matter? If she was wifey to you before, the fact that she may know her way around the bed better than you shouldn’t change that.

So is it male ego? Pride? Should we black women find the happy medium between just laying there and absolutely letting loose? Should we stop reading Zane books and learn how to keep it basic? Or should we be able to explore our sexuality, and have a partner who supports us and explores with us? Are Will and Jada on to something? If you found out that Michelle Obama was a real freaky deek would you take the pedestal from under her?

I open it up to you guys. I want to later explore more of the Professional Black Woman and her sexuality, as well as the stereotype of the black woman as the Jezebel when other races of women hold no such “title” over their heads. We’ll see how this conversation goes first.
It’s all sexual politics and it intrigues me since sex is all people want to talk about these days.

P.S. This post isn’t about me. LOL Read who inspired it back at the top.

Obama & Tiger: Success, Race, and Failure December 17, 2009

I’ve recently been a bit swamped w/ work and waiting on these law school apps. So this entry comes from our friends over at thefreshexpress.com. Its a topic that I personally wanted to discuss for sometime now but she discussed it in a way that I could never do. The original post is here: http://tinyurl.com/yb8j3jl

“I was waiting for this…

I was waiting for someone bold enough, brave enough, ridiculous enough to tie the Tiger Woods “scandal” to President Barack Obama. It’s too easy. I was waiting for someone to think, “two light-skinned, half-black, attractive, rich, powerful men. There has got to be a way!” I held my breath in prayer hoping there was no “journalist” alive who would tie these two together. Alas, there is one.

Today the Huffington Post published an article by Lisa Solod Warren entitled “Two Black Role Models Done In by Hubris”. This article could also be called “One Woman Intent on Linking Two Unrelated People”.

Her argument made about as much sense as someone who believes I should agree with her simply because our names are similar.

What Lisa and I probably agree on is that entertainment journalist exhausted of Brangelina, Kanye West, Khloe Kardashian, and Chris Brown/Rihanna really should send a bouquet of flowers to Tiger Woods, thanking him for saving their jobs in this recession.  For the past three weeks Tiger has served as constant fodder for tabloids, entertainment TV shows and gossip websites. The coverage has been incessant and public opinion split down the middle.

Lisa saw an opportunity: As more 20-something  White cocktail waitresses are linked to Tiger Woods every day, support for him is waning. Why not maximize on this and try to link unsuspecting people’s negative feelings about Tiger Woods to any negative feelings about politics and by extension President Obama? It’s the perfect plan (one that makes no sense), but Lisa is up to the task as her article  – in block quotes — displays:

In the past few weeks, the two most famous and arguably most successful black men in America have taken a huge fall. It has become clear that both pro golfer Tiger Woods, just named Athlete of the Year by the Associated Press, and the American president, Barack Obama, the first black person to lead the country, suffer from a surfeit of hubris which has finally caught up with them. If both men somehow thought they were untouchable, they have been put to right. Both have crashed to earth and it may well be true that they can never recover their earlier status again.

Timeout.

How did Barack Obama and Tiger Woods even end up in the same sentence?

Did Obama cheat on his wife? No.

Does Tiger Woods dabble in politics at all? No.

Did Barack Obama take an “indefinite break” from his job amid his face being plastered on every tabloid known to men? No.

Was Tiger Woods even considered African-American before this scandal? No.

So where did this connection come from?

While Woods’ “indiscretions” affect only himself and his family, he has felt the sting of the media invasion and a permanent loss of privacy. His reputation as sport’s good family guy is gone. For Barack Obama the honeymoon is really over, even those who wanted to give him a chance are getting tired of what is not getting done, what was promised and reneged on. There is disappointment enough in both of them.

Still not seeing a connection.

It is tragic when an icon falls. When a black icon stumbles the tragedy seems doubly problematic. Mike Tyson, Magic Johnson, and Michael Jackson were all at the tops of their fields before revelations that made them less palatable as heroes and less of a role model for young black men. They have all been partially rehabilitated but not without a huge cost.

A black icon stumbling is doubly problematic for who? For the Black people who don’t see themselves in the few famous Black faces? Or the White people who demand one person represent the entire race?

Did she really group President Barack Obama who is trying to gain support for highly controversial political moves with Mike Tyson (who has said his favorite punch was thrown at ex-girlfriend Robin Givens when he made her head bounce off one wall and hit another), Magic Johnson (who cheated on his wife and thus contracted HIV) and Michael Jackson (who was accused of molesting young boys)?! I see no connection here. These “black icons” fall was a result of personal failures.  What personal failure has Barack Obama had? If the answer is “none”, then how does he fit in this list? He doesn’t.

And now while the news if full of Tiger Woods’ penchant for tawdry moments with women who can’t hold a candle to the physical beauty of his wife, the information we get on Obama, while far less salacious, is even more disillusioning. The expectations of real change that had people in tears a little over a year have been so thoroughly dashed that too many of his supporters feel betrayed by their naiveté; they feel, as I do, almost foolish for believing that the status quo could really be kicked out the door. Is it even possible for our national landscape to change? Can we really progress from a country of individuals all looking for their stake to a country that actually has the notion that a stake for everyone means more for all? Having worked for weeks and months for Obama, having written glowingly about his oratory skills and his ability to gather even the disenfranchised together, as well as capture that ephemeral youth vote, I stood at rallies and allowed myself that enormous surge of hope that connected me with the rest of the country. But what was our choice?

Even though many voted for Obama simply out of fury with the policies of the last eight years, there were more who truly put their faith in him that he could, with a majority vote and a majority in Congress, really get so many of the things done that the Democrats had been promising to do for years.

The disillusionment that comes with Tiger Woods is not even worth comparing to any that would relate to the President. So what if some golfer I’ve never actually seen play on TV (because I don’t watch golf), cheated on his wife whom I’ve never heard of. I’ve got more drama in my immediate family. The fascination and interest is real, the disillusionment would mean that expectations for Tiger Woods were there in the first place. They weren’t.

Furthermore, is Obama’s term over? Anyone who is “betrayed by their naiveté” should feel doubly ridiculous for thinking the change they voted for would come overnight. Status quo is not “kicked out of the door” like a weak, stray cat. Status quo has to be rallied against, systems have to be put in place to combat it, people have to put in work. Status quo will remain the “status quo” if people are too lazy to stick around for the entire fight.  For all intents and purposes, Obama just got into office. I’m not blaming everything on Bush, but we are simply not the same country we were eight years ago. It’s going to take more than a winning smile and clever speech to make a change. I’m convinced Obama knows that, clearly women like Lisa do not and whose fault is that? Her own.

Instead, one of our finest thinkers has both compromised himself and allowed his party to also do so– so much now that I find it almost impossible to listen to another news story about another great idea shot down by the Republicans and their panderers. The truth is that a couple of people–and I am not even sure, always who they are–are running our country and one of them is not our elected president. In a way we might as well have a dictator with his small cabal around him so little does the public desire get recognized. Even though a huge majority of Americans want health reform by all facts and polls, Republican leaders have gone on record saying the Democrats are out of touch with what “real Americans” want. And the Democrats, with a few exceptions, have been so mealy-mouthed that they haven’t even talked back.

The fact that the President wants to make changes and adjustments to get the healthcare reform passed speaks to exactly the man he was during the election — someone who wanted to unite people instead of divide people along political lines. Besides, the “real America” bit didn’t work during the election and it’s not working now. Unfortunately, we are a nation divided by our politics. Karl Rove and his 50-plus-one strategy encouraged and solidified that to the point where people like Lisa, who probably doesn’t even realize it, demand that divide stay in place. Obama doesn’t want to disenfranchise half the country with his politics. That was a Karl Rove tactic. Like it or not, there are still Republicans and Independents in this country who count too. Thank God Obama isn’t making moves based on polls. Before the Iowa primary, “the polls” said a Black man would never be president. “The polls” were wrong.

Both men are of mixed race. Yet the majority of the country, including black Americans, sees them as black. That’s not a bad thing. Except when such men of intelligence and talent, men who have such influence and power, can’t help but succumb to the age old twins of greed and power.

First of all, Tiger Woods couldn’t find the Black community with a state-of-the-art GPS. “Black Americans” hardly embrace him as black man. We didn’t see Tiger’s affair as a negative mark against the whole race.  Apparently she did. And it’s a bad thing that he is black and with influence and power and may have succumbed to greed and power? Excuse me? In other words: because he’s black he better be perfect?

Although each has risen from ordinary beginnings to be at the top of their field but now things don’t look so good for either of them. Woods income is as tied to endorsements as it is to his talent. And Obama is so caught up in party donations and the power that those who donate have, he can’t allow himself or his party to do anything to thwart those donations. If Woods had been smart he would have kept his head down, played golf and taken care of his beautiful family instead of publicly destroying them. If Obama had enacted campaign reform as the first order of business real change could well have happened. But money and fame go to the head and any other result seems to be a fairy tale, a dream, an impossibility. Somehow money corrupts the moral compass, whether for one’s self or one’s party.

Woods’ income is tied to his endorsements but the man is a multi-millionaire. If every one of his advertising companies (including Nike and Tag Heuer who have determined to stick with him) dropped him, I don’t think he’s going to be on the streets of LA looking for a handout. Things may not “look so good” for Tiger, but no matter what, I’m sure financially he’s looking a whole lot better than 99% of the rest of the country. In Tiger’s case I don’t think money corrupted his moral compass, money and fame only magnified what was clearly already there. Lesser men cheat on their wives every day.

I feel weird leaping to Barack Obama on this, but Lisa did so I guess I must. In truth, “Black America” didn’t even embrace Obama as a black man until just after he won Iowa. And President Obama has another three years in office during this term. I don’t see him taking an indefinite break from being President and I don’t see how money corrupted his moral compass. Healthcare reform is a moral issue now?

What the people who worked and voted for Barack Obama wanted to see was a man who would stand up for principle and the ideals he spoke so stunningly of while campaigning. What those who were shocked at Woods’ dalliances wanted to believe was that the first black man to be famous for a sport other than basketball or football was really who he appeared he was.

Tiger Woods is the first black man famous for a sport other than basketball or football? What happened to Jackie Robinson? Joe Louis? Jesse Owens? Muhammad Ali? Bo Jackson? George Foreman? Sugar Ray Robinson? Lee Elder (the FIRST black man to play golf in an previously all-White Masters Tournament). And even if we want to wipe out the entire history of Black people and make Tiger Woods the first ever, he is exactly who he appeared to be: a golfer.

Woods remains an amazing golfer and athlete but his tumble to earth by hubris makes him far more human than god, and the entanglements that his weakness have brought may in fact undermine his game forever.

Was it Tiger’s pride that made him fall or his base instinct of wanting sex at any cost? She’s right, Tiger is far more human than God. Isn’t that a relief?

And Obama remains a brilliant thinker, an orator who can rally the masses, a supremely educated man and, by all accounts a dedicated husband and father. But he has been unable to fight the system he said he wanted to fight. He has been unable to effect real, honest-to-goodness change. In the spirit of reconciliation instead of leadership, he has slipped and fallen on the battlefield of politics. All we can hope is that he can stand up again, soon, and take charge.

And this article remains just an opportunity for Lisa to kick one person while he is already down (Tiger Woods) and tie a string to another man however loose (Barack Obama) in order to criticize him by any means necessary. All I can hope is that no one agrees with her quantum leap of logic.

I am careful to say something is about race when it isn’t, but her argument clearly is all about these two men being “black”. Lisa Solod Warren has a lot of nerve blatantly bringing race into something that has nothing to do with race. At all. In either case. Her prejudice is the most transparent of any I’ve seen printed in a while.

It is incredible to me that a contributor for a reputable news and blog organization like the Huffington Post would spew this type of faulty reasoning into the internet world and try to pass it off on readers like we are idiots. Lisa is in need of a Black history lesson and a therapy session of why she thinks all black men who do anything wrong are overcome by pride.

Instead of drawing similarities between two wholly unrelated people, maybe Lisa needs to contemplate why she can’t mentally separate two completely different situations simply because the two men involved share the same skin color.

The only thing these two men have ever had in common is that they both have transcended traditional assumptions about race in American culture, or so we thought. Lisa’s article just reminds us how far we haven’t come in “post-racial” America. To let Lisa tell it:  no matter what a black man accomplishes, he is one misstep from being just another black man effing up. A complete and total failure.

Some things never change.

Dr. Ruth is in your bedroom December 16, 2009

It’s mucho importante to talk about your sexual personality prior to sleeping with someone. Whether or not the person can perform the task is up to them but at least you’ve given them the tools.  Sometimes this conversation comes about on a date…maybe after a few drinks and you begin eye-*expletive*ing each other and secret confession of whta you wanna do the person begin to flow. *Which also reminds me that I have not been on a date in a very long time*

A lot of times people are open enough to talk about it in plain conversation…no spirits, dancing or dinner involved….just shooting the breeze. How else would someone (I say “someone” and not significant other because sometimes it be’s like that, n’ah mean?) know that you like to be spanked? Or like to do the spanking? No one wants to hear…no…wait…stop…or what the *expletive* are you doing?…in the midst of action.

There are a few taboo (or not taboo if ya freaky) things that don’t come out in these little conversations and you won’t find out about until the wrestling match. How many times have you had a finger, fist (oooh, you nasty!) or penis put someplace without warning?

Ink-Stained Tuesdays #4- More Holy, Less Daze December 15, 2009

With fewer than ten days left until Christmas, I felt it my duty to inform you that it really doesn’t have to be this way.

You don’t HAVE to stress over toys no one will care about in 45 days.

You don’t HAVE  to play those stupid songs over and over again.

You don’t even have to tie that tree to your car and lug it home and create a fire hazard in your living room.

All you HAVE to do, is keep peace on earth and Good Will towards men.

And honestly, you don’t even have to do that.  just try not to make a mess out of it for anyone else.

This notion that there is a “right way and a wrong way” to do Christmas is a sin and a shame, as my Grandma would say.

Personally, I find the whole notion rather tiresome, since I spend most of December agonizing over the holiday plans of others for money, but it’s vital that I put up a good face for my family.  So I do it.   But only to the extent I believe it prudent.

Trips to Sit my pride and joy on some moonlighting guy in a red suit at the mall for a photo op?  Nyet.

Gaudy displays of lighting in an effort to jack up my electric bill? Nein.

Spending myself into oblivion in an effort to prove something to anyone? Iie

Visiting people I don’t particularly like all that much just because my mother-in-law insists on it?  N…well probably.

The point is, Holidays are YOUR day to celebrate (or not) as you see fit.  The Inkognegro Family would encourage you to do it YOUR way.

Happy Holidays.

Bad Baby Mamas and The Drama They Bring December 14, 2009

There’s a strange predicament facing Black America with the onslaught of 2010.  It has nothing to do with the environment, the recession or the war in the Middle East.  In fact, it is a war with far more dire consequences than any the world has ever seen.  It is the war of the Black mother against her child.  With the release of the movie Precious, we see a mother who is so unconcerned with her own child’s life she is mean and abusive to the point no child should ever have to see.

Not long after the release of that movie, the body of five year old Shaniya Davis was recovered after the US and world learned that her mother was bartering sexual favors from her own child to gain drugs.  Babies have been left in cars for hours, while other children have been forced to endure the heartache and hardship of being left alone at home with no food and no way to get any in what has proved to be one of the most interesting and cold winters across the South as well as other parts of the country.  All too often many children are being used and exploited.  We’ve heard the story of the mother would who give her man anything (including her little girl) just so he would stay.  We know about the little boy who cringes everytime he sees his stepmother because she is verbally and mentally abusive.  This has to stop.  It is pushing our children in a direction they don’t need to go.

Those are examples of mothers who are absolutely horrid, but what about mothers like Army Spc. Alexis Hutchinson who refused to show up for her deployment because she claimed her 10 month old son had nowhere to go.  Does that make her a bad mother?  I don’t think so.  In fact, I see a young woman aiming to do the best she can raising her young son, but the ones who are doing the right thing are always overshadowed by the monstrosities and disasters.

What do you think can be done to solve this predicament?  In many cases, a state staff member is sent out to investigate, but often they turn up with nothing.  Do you think the states should be held more accountable for what goes on?  Remember this is also taking place in foster homes and adoptive homes.  Is the media responsible for more this taking place? And does anyone live in a state, who like my own, has a parenting program to assist?

Tantalizing Thursday: Tantric Tips December 10, 2009

At this point in time I’m sure all of us have heard about Diddy tweeting during tantric sex or about Sting’s 36 hour romp with his wife.  Every time I saw that I always meant to Google and of course something else came up.  Anyways, since we are always talking about sex in one form or other the other I figure why not try something new.

First, let’s get to the basics.

Tantric sex is defined as a slow and sustained form of sex rooted in Indian Mysticism.

So what I was curious about is how do you do it and what are the benefits?  Here’s a brief beginner’s guide:

1. Create a relaxing space with candles, aromatherapy scents and flowers.  Be sure both of you can relax and are distraction free.  This is absolutely key to making the rest of the steps work.  Also, remember that you need to stimulate your partner in various ways.  Remembering each of the five senses and their roles will help as well.  Furthermore, if one sense is disabled other ones come alive… blind fold anyone?

2. FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY.-Get it or do I need to say it a fourth time?  Keeping it slow and steady and making every effort to please your partner will make the transition into this wonderful especially since you’re supposed to be focusing on pleasing each other and prolonging the pleasure.  Some examples of this might include the yoni or lingam massage.  If you don’t know…well Google it or ask in comments, but I’ll say it works.

3. Explore each other’s bodies.  This could mean taking a nice bath together (as water releases energies) plus the massaging sensation also brings your spirits together.  Feed each other some finger foods… touch, kiss, lick… here, there and everything… be sure nothing is off limits.  Be honest and communicate what you’re feeling so that your partner knows what you like.  It is important that you are wide open with them both mentally and physically.  This is a very, very special process and you’ve gotta be sure you’re hitting all the right spots.  This step will help you build intimacy which is of extreme importance.

4. Variety is the spice of life (and sex too).  Try new positions.  In fact, try new people.  Add something…anything I don’t know (it’s late… see what happens…SEE… when it’s not my day and I run late…I start encouraging people to do bad things) but just know… that this site has great options…

5. KEGELS!  Work those muscles to make the feelings but hold it in… don’t release.  The idea of this is not at all to orgasm but rather to become closer to your mate.  For men: holding it in can result in mini-orgasms and the final result will be absolutely amazing.  (Just remember to thrust slowly so that your partner can feel every single inch)

6. C, Gs and Os…-Remember for women we’re all about stimulation.  The largest sex organ for us is right between our ears and once you get that down move on to the clitoris… I promise stimulating that will get you some extra attention.  Extra points if you hit the G-spot at the same time.  It’s AMAHYZING and it’ll move you right along to those precious Os… (just be careful… TAKE YOUR TIME)

Alright, there you go folks.  Hopefully some of you can put this to good practice this week.  Be careful though and remember that tantra is all about the balance between the polar opposites of male and female.  In your mind as you’re deciding whether or not to do his think about the tension when you hold two magnets close together…The tension is unmistakable and imagine the relief when they finally smash together.

Enjoy!

PS-Try the Kama Sutra as well!